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why am i struggling to cope?

Okay.. right about a year ago i found out my sister was gay. I still can't accept it, but try my hardest too. She's my older sister, and i've never liked the idea of it. I never felt the need to tell anyone about it, and i suppose deep down the real reason why i didn't was because i was scared of what people would say about me. I already get slightly teased due to my family surname and being half foreign, i couldn't be bothered with racism and homophobic people being twats. But lately, well not lately for ages my sister is with someone new and has completely changed and i could cry thinking about it. Shes started dressing weirdly, like a boy, and shes doing her makeup really thick and "clowny" looking, and taking weird pictures on facebook and i am terrified people will see them and people have. I cant get over this feeling of hating what people think and i dont know what to do. I actually feel so depressed, i hate everything. I love my sister, and when i am with her we have a good time, but when i am away from her, and when im with other people ITS constantly on my mind and i am terrified to see her. Also a few days ago, my friend mentioned i seen her relationship status, is she with someone else? and i choose not to say anything im like "oh i dont know what goes on in her life". I feel like im being selfish, and the only person i talk to about it is my mam who says im being slefish and need to accept it. But seriously no one understands me. People are already saying nasty stuff about her, about the way shes changed.. she used to be so pretty and now shes dressing scarily. Its not even the idea shes gay its the way shes acting i hate it. I dont know what to do. I am sick of my friends adding her, and trying to find out more about her, and when i tell my sister not to accept, shes like well tell them to stop adding me, and its a whole stress thing. I KNOW people will reply saying 'just get over it, accept it' but seriously its the most difficult thing ever. Im crying for no reason and feel so alone, and can't talk to anyone:( I actually think i might be ill, because all i do is stress and get paranoid and panic, and then cry hysterically when im alone in the house on my bed. I just hate everything, and this was probably a waste of time.

Public Comments

1. I only read the first sentence because the rest is too long... but jeez, wtf business is it of yours?
2. 1st of all your not wasting your time and 2nd of all your showing that you care about your sister... I know its going to sound like you have heard this before but you need to let her get on with her life the way she wants to, so long as she is happy and only she will know that.... Its not being selfish at all.. The reason you may feel affected by it is the fact that the change she has decided to make is too fast for you to cope with. The most important thing is to let her know you luv her and will always be there if she stumbles along the way or needs a shoulder to lean on or even a best friend to talk to and also to let her know that if you have any problems that she would be there fo you aswell, come rain or shine..We all go through drastic changes in our lives at some point but sometimes no one is there to catch us when we fall ... support luv and understanding is a must (Cheesy i know ) but true.. Talk talk talk .. let us know how it goes :)))) x
3. Okay... this is your problem, not your sisters and not your friends. You can't control what other people do, say, think, or believe. And you're not responsible for what other people do, say, think or believe. Just you. When you have a problem with something or someone, look at yourself, see what needs to change in you. That doesn't mean you have to give up your beliefs and values and the way you feel and think. Not at all. The point is to get yourself comfortable again regardless of what other people are doing or what they might think. First of all, we can't read minds, and second, It's none of our business