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the five toughest questions women ask and their answers funny or true sorry its a long one?

The five questions are: 1. "What are you thinking?" 2. "Do you love me?" 3. "Do I look fat?" 4. "Do you think she is prettier than me?" 5. "What would you do if I died?" What makes these questions so bad is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument and/or divorce if the man does not answer properly, which is to say dishonestly. For example: 1. "What are you thinking?" The proper answer to this question, of course, is, "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, caring, thoughtful, intelligent, beautiful woman you are and what a lucky guy I am to have met you." Obviously, this statement bears no resemblance whatsoever to what the guy was really thinking at the time, which was most likely one of five things: a - Baseball b - Football c - How fat you are. d - How much prettier she is than you. e - How he would spend the insurance money if you died. According to the Sassy article, the best answer to this stupid question came from Al Bundy, of Married With Children, who was asked it by his wife, Peg. "If I wanted you to know," Al said, "I'd be talking instead of thinking." The other questions also have only one right answer but many wrong answers: 2. "Do you love me?" The correct answer to this question is, "Yes." For those guys who feel the need to be more elaborate, you may answer, "Yes, dear. Wrong answers include: a - I suppose so. b - Would it make you feel better if I said yes. c - That depends on what you mean by "love". d - Does it matter? e - Who, me? 3. "Do I look fat?" The correct male response to this question is to confidently and emphatically state, "No, of course not" and then quickly leave the room. Wrong answers include: a - I wouldn't call you fat, but I wouldn't call you thin either. b - Compared to what? c - A little extra weight looks good on you. d - I've seen fatter. e - Could you repeat the question? I was thinking about your insurance policy. 4. "Do you think she's prettier than me?" The "she" in the question could be an ex-girlfriend, a passer-by you were starring at so hard thay you almost cause a traffic accident or an actress in a movie you just saw. In any case, the correct response is, "No, you are much prettier." Wrong answers include: a - Not prettier, just pretty in a different way. b - I don't know how one goes about rating such things. c - Yes, but I bet you have a better personality. d - Only in the sense that she's younger and thinner. e - Could you repeat the question? I was thinking about your insurance policy. 5. "What would you do if I died?" Correct answer: "Dearest love, in the event of your untimely demise, life would cease to have meaning for me and I would perforce hurl myself under the front tires of the first Domino's Pizza truck that came my way." This might be the stupidest question of the lot, as is illustrated by the following stupid joke: "Dear," said the wife. "What would you do if I died?" "Why, dear, I would be extremely upset," said the husband. "Why do you ask such a question?" "Would you remarry?" persevered the wife. "No, of couse not, dear" said the husband. "Don't you like being married?" said the wife. "Of course I do, dear" he said. "Then why wouldn't you remarry?" "Alright," said the husband, "I'd remarry." "You would?" said the wife, looking vaguely hurt. "Yes" said the husband. "Would you sleep with her in our bed?" said the wife after a long pause. "Well yes, I suppose I would." replied the husband. "I see," said the wife indignantly."And would you let her wear my old clothes?" "I suppose, if she wanted to" said the husband. "Really," said the wife icily. "And would you take down the pictures of me and replace them with pictures of her?" "Yes. I think that would be the correct thing to do." "Is that so?" said the wife, leaping to her feet. "And I suppose you'd let her play with my golf clubs, too." "Of course not, dear," said the husband. "She is left-handed."

Public Comments

  1. Thats probaly true too...lol! Have a star!
  2. i liked that one,very good.as a female im guilty of all of the above.
  3. Brilliant. I'm guilty of asking him those very questions!
  4. LOL THAT LAST LINE WAS HILARIOUS
  5. I liked the joke
  6. well done you!i have asked all these questions,only asked because i was insecure in the relationship or i felt like starting a row!cause any man or woman cant give a perfect answer to any of the questions.ladies from today on never ever ask again or at least give 12 hours notice,some time to prepare for the poor misfortunate man who will try but inevitably fail to tell you what you want to hear
  7. Wow the only way i could answer this great Qs properly would be to say great female insight & great jokes. ALSO i will STAR your Qs so more people may read it. As the great Steve Irwin would say ( "Crikey she,s a beaut" ) Merry Christmas to you all & especialy to all woman of the world. The ones in Australia are especialy nice !!! Lo
  8. They so true and most of them are all me.
  9. HAHAHAHA
  10. Good one mate have a star
  11. hehehe, you are on a roll hun, pmsl star time xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
  12. good one babe!! starred!!
  13. you took my stress out. I was clubbed by my boss for goofing up.
  14. LOL!!!!
  15. chris....great joke......LOL....arnt you little cruel with us,don't do that let us live in dreams........hahahaha.....***** for you
  16. hahahahaha
  17. interesting but girls image spolit le
  18. Yee hah. that is so true especially the joke at the end. There is just no pleasing some folk!!!!!! lol
  19. so thats where ive been going wrong lol, nice one
  20. Brilliant, A star 4u
  21. ha ha ha funny thanks for a laugh 10/10
  22. too true they are.lol
  23. lol
  24. wrong its why cant you show emotion why so hard for you to show or declare love why dont you notice what eforts i make dress wise etc then someone compliments me you get tetchy an macho why cant we ave quality time why cant you miss footy one nite an we go for meal
  25. hahaha thanks for the laugh.
  26. f a n t a s t i c and so t r u e
  27. These are classic. Hears a star.
  28. Ha ha ha.!!! Another Excellent bunch there Chris.!!! 10/10.!!! Got me laughing mate.!!!
  29. brilliant lmao 10/10 x
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