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where can i get some corny green but hilarious pinoy jokes? I am a corny person but people love the jokes i invent :)). where can i get some jokes that may sound corny but very funny. it can be about popular international topics but i prefer pinoy jokes.

Is there a website with collection of quotes and jokes? and pinoy textmates? I found a website http://textmessage101.com, but is there better site like this? With pinoy jokes and textmessage quotes?

Where Can I find good Filipino or Pinoy Tagalog BIsaya Jokes? website? facbeook page? etc.. thanks!

Can you give me some pinoy jokes? Jokes? Jokes? haha :D

Do you have a Pinoy joke on politics for us today? From a candidate previously convicted of plunder: "Vote XXXX - For Clean and Honest Government"

i need new jokes....? i want the typical sort of jokes.not the long boring,corny,story-type ones.like what do you call a ...you know...those jokes...i want them.if there are any pinoys there who knows some pinoy jokes,better.but i'll do with english

high-tech pinoy joke? Three men--one American, one Japanese and a Filipino were sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The American pressed his forearm and the beep stopped. The others looked at him questioningly. "That was my pager," he said, "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm." A few minutes later a phone rang. The Japanese fellow lifted his palm to his ear. When he finished he explained, "That was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand." The Filipino, not to be outdone, decided he had to do something just as impressive. He stepped out of the sauna and went into the toilet. When he returned, a piece of toilet paper was dangling from his behind. The others raised their eyebrows and stared at him. The Filipino finally said, "Well, will you look at that, I'm getting a fax." star is appreciated guys, tnx add me up in friendster. aa_abaa2000@yahoo.com, tnx

PINOY HELL JOKE: HAHAHAHAHA? Juan dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. He goes first to the American hell and asks the receptionist. Juan: “What do you have here?” Receptionist: “First we will put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then we will lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the punisher will come and whip you for the rest of the day.” So, hastily he goes to the next hells (UK, Germany, Canada, Singapore, Taiwan, etc.) and he finds that all are more or less the same as the American hell. On his way to Filipino hell, he notices that there is a very long line of people waiting to get in. Even the foreigners are also queuing. Amazed he asks the receptionist. Juan: “What do they do here?” Receptionist: “First we will put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then we will lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the punisher will come and whip you for the rest of the day.” Juan: “That is exactly the same as all the other hells – why are there so many people waiting to get in?” Receptionist: “Because there is always a brownout, so the electric chair does not work. Somebody stole all the nails to sell it “por kilo”. And the punisher who is a former public official comes, punches his time-card, shakes hands with all the people waiting there and then goes back home.”

Pinoy Bestman Speech.. help please? Is there any pinoy out there who could give me.. some advice... a bestman speech.. must be.. tagalog.. or visayan.... and please add some jokes related to the occasion(wedding) ^_^

blonde jokes...? this is not a joke...just asking why people are always placing jokes about how dumb,stupid and immature blondes are...what's wrong with them?i dunno much about those blondes coz i'm pinoy...so what's the deal with blondes...?are they really like that as you say they are from jokes...?i haven't seen any jokes like dumb red-haired or dumb black-haired....why is that so? i'm doing a research for my class

REPOST: Filipino Racial Jokes 1: Fist Full of Lumpia? Filipino Racial Jokes 1: Fist Full of Lumpia? The teacher turns to the class and says, "Today, we will use these three words in a sentence. Defense, detail, and defeat. Tom, why don't you go first?" Tom, a white kid, goes first. Tom says, "Ahh, the football team's defense was detailed in the paper which caused the defeat of the other team." (The narrator's tone is slang-American when saying this sentence.) The teacher turns to Chang, a Chinese boy, and says, "How about you Chang?" Chang says, (narrator uses a Chinese accent), "the Defense Department gave details of the defeat of the guerrillas." "That's very good Chang, now what about you, Bong-Bong?" says the teacher. "Use defense, detail, and defeat in a sentence." Bong-Bong, the Filipino boy, doesn't want to do it. (Accent of narrator becomes heavily influenced by Ilocano or Tagalog accent). "Ma'am, ay don't know how to use it," says Bong-Bong. "Come on, just try," says the teacher. "Okay, ma'am," says Bong-Bong. "Ahhhh...dah black dog...jumped ober (over pronounced with "b" sound) dah fence ("dah" instead of the sound "the"), dah tail first and den, dah feet." Additional Details 5 hours ago There was this Filipino kindergarten teacher and she was teaching her class how to do the hokey-pokey. She started off by saying, "You put your right feet in, you put your right feet out, you put your right feet in...." Suddenly one of the children said, "Teacher you have to say 'foot.'" So the teacher said, "You 'foot' your right feet in, you 'foot' your right feet out....." 5 hours ago WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF Manila IS ATTACKED? By: DarkNinja After the tragedy in New York and Washington the question arises: WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF Manila IS ATTACKED? Well ... if that happens, there can be no comparison. That's because in Manila, we are much better prepared for these kind of attacks. We do not have tall buildings. The only large structure that can be seen from above is the Marcos monument in Ilocos and terrorists are welcome to target that. We all get on the job late in the morning specially government employees, so at 8:45 there won't be sufficient people to kill (well, not even at 10 am!). Fire fighters and police officers will do their utmost not to get to the spot in time. They will reach there just when everything is over, so there will be no casualties among them. The national airline would surely have fouled up the terrorists plans by being delayed again or crash before even getting to the target due to mechanical troubles. 5 hours ago A Pinoy would not have used his cell phone to call home. He would've hit the terrorist with it over the head. If a terrorist was living for one year in Manila he would've been robbed and molested so many times he would've given up and gone back to his home country a long time ago. In Manila, the terrorists would not have gotten the flight manual, they would've had to pay for it. You see... in Manila we are well prepared

What do u call when ur bf chats; text; or calls other chikz; hun, baby, sexy,? My bf says it alot to girls; he says its just a JOKE "PINOY BIRO" but what do u think? Is it flirting? We are both 30yo

Our media, the tv and the movies, discriminate our own people. Do you agree? TV shows, movies, usually portray ordinary-looking Pinoys as the butt of jokes, portraying them as ugly, as source of comedic material. If you come to think of it, these are the typical face we see and bump to everyday, on the streets, marketplace, malls, etc.--pinoy-looking and brown-skinned. In short, the media appears to discriminate and belittle the typical PINOY. No wonder, whitening products are being sold like crazy.

Nose in the Philippines....? Ok im a white British guy with a nose thats long and pointed even more than an average white guy. In my high school years i had to listen to a lot of bad remarks and jokes about my nose and still get the odd rude comment as an adult.Im now comfortable with my nose and wouldent change it even if i was a millionaire.However during my various visits to Philippines ive had mixed comments from people some people seem amazed by my nose but not being rude,some are very rude and some seem to think its nicer than a typical pinoy nose.I now have a son there in Phil who is half pinoy and though his nose seems wide like his mothers its a little longer than the average filipino of his age, people seem to see this as a good thing,but i know from experience that people can be cruel as u get older,i dont know how his nose will look when hes older it may be a 50%/50% mix of mine and his mums.So having a longer nose than most white people how do u guys think of this, good bad ok ???

Is myphone is like an iphone? No, My|Phone – the first and only Filipino mobile phone brand that offers dual SIM mobility – grew from a favor for friends to try out a local mobile phone brand in an attempt to join the playing field of established international giants. Three years down the line, My|Phone has proven to be a definitive contender in the Philippine mobile phone landscape, consistently averaging significant sales figures. The response has driven My|Phone to continuously strive to develop better phones at much affordable prices. No doubt a revolutionary mobile handset provider, My|Phone is the first and leading Filipino mobile phone manufacturer in the Philippines and My|Phone is the first mobile phone provider with customized applications and content tagged as "Pinoy Phone", a software exclusively created for My|Phone with a gamut of data such as recipes, jokes, and even prayers.

Why do some Filipinos get easily "pikon"? [A QUESTION TO FILIPINOS ONLY] I'm a Filipino but some of you might notice that a lot of Filipinos get easily offended to little things, which makes no deep sense. Also, when a certain person (of a different racial background) makes a joke about the Philippines, almost every Pinoy in the internet infuriates and tends to get extra-racist. I sometimes do think that some primary schools in the Philippines should have an all-out Ethics 101 education in replacement to our standard G.M.R.C. and that high school admissions should require a good grade in G.M.R.C. In my opinion, most Pinoys in the internet lack web ethics probably because the people, whom we class as iskwaterz (skwating ugali), have access to the internet (internet cafes and all that). What do you guys think?

Would it better off if we are a State of the US rather than being an independent country? This is just hypothetical question. No offense to all. No non-sense answer please, I rather take this one seriously if you don't mind. That is also one thing wrong with our mentality or culture that we take everything funny or joke about it. Instead of answering things in a straight forward way we joke around it. No surprise we are in the most difficult times and our country never improves even just a little bit. They say Filipinos are the most cheerful and hospitable Asians most foreigners every met. True but laughing things most of the time isn't good for our self consciousness don't you think? As I watch the program Citizen Pinoy most of the Filipinos are asking their petition papers and their US green card when they will be receiving them or be going to the States. We are the Filipinos who asked to governed our country and be separated from the US government yet we still cling on the US for almost everything. Most if not all Filipinos love to go to the US and be an American citizen, I for one is one of them but didn't get the opportunity. Some says those presently living in the US that the life in the US is not that all good and full of glory. True. I think everywhere you go in the world today life is full of hardship and struggle. But in the US the land of milk and honey, home of the free and land of the brave is rather tempting isn't it? If one is given a choice where to live either in Switzerland or the US, a Filipino would rather choice the US isn't it? Well if your choice is different why. This is a exchange of ideas between different people here so I think some will agree and some will disagree. In my opinion, our country is better off with the US government the way I see the present times we are in if only our forefathers been prudent enough to see or forecast the future. What about our heroes who fought for the independent of the Philippines then? Well where are they now with these high cost of gasoline and diesel fuel, pandesal, unemployment etc...the Philippines moral is in ruined because of the government ineptitude to answer the growing problem of their own creation. Filipinos are going out every single seconds of the day living and working abroad to find good jobs and better salary. Some ending up dead. Now if we are part of the States then and perhaps now would you think we got a more stable and better place to live? It is just a thought. What do you think? Thanks to all. I am not the only one who obviously will benefit in this category but all of us, you practically see only one side of the picture. The next generation that will come 25 to 50 years from now is the one who will benefit from this. Yes I for one is a patriotic about the Philippines but if this is what we have for a country what benefit do you think we or the next children of our children have. Sabi nga kung basurero ang ama, the son is going to be a basurero and the rest of the sibling after them. Just like some of the people here have the mentality of MLQ during the 40's, he left this life and move on but we are still here. So who do you think is much wiser? I love the Philippines because the result of this theory if only our forefather done the right move we enjoyed the fruits of it right now. But just like the book some are wise and some are otherwise. I for one is not PROPOSING that we as a country be a part of the US now. We are discussing an issue long time ago. So to repeat myself I am not proposing nor endorsing that the US adopt us now. No correction please to those who do not understand a simple questionnaire.Besides, the US would not accept us anymore. What I am discussing is the issue that happened in 1946 after the war that the Philippines asked for independence. To those who write against the US I hope you do not end up yourself in San Francisco or LA one of these days or working in one of the States in the US.

How come its important for a male filipino to have a light skinned girlfriend? Im mexican and my boyfriend is filipino, he is dark, and im 1 shade lighter, but i have learned that all the ladies in the filipino culture are always lighter than the man, and the models on Pinoy T.V. Why is it so important? Just curious! And the dark filipina ladies, how do they feel about this, do they feel pressured to be light? Besides seeing it on t.v. i also hear about it, like this one popular filipino comedian joked and mentioned that a daughter came home on a very hot day from a soccer game, and her mother saw her she said, you should stay out of the sun because you are getting darker, and no one will marry you? So can anyone help me with this?

Can anyone please translate this from tagalog to english please? ok, well call me nosey but my husband left open his email and I was just wondering if someone could translate this cause well Im paranoid and it would be sooo greatly appreciated. Thankyou! ok lng naman kami d2 lam me naman na ma enjoy ka kc uhaww ka na sa lahat ng bagay hahaha joke lng o cge keep in touch ha ingat ka na lang friend hinay hinay ha GODBLESS -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "Yap, Dan SPC MIL USA FORSCOM" <dan.yap@us.army.mil> To: Bernadette Dela Pena <nannet_beauty30@yahoo.com> Sent: Thursday, March 26, 2009 2:00:57 AM Subject: Re: musta ka na jan ok lang ako.ano naman ang balita sa inyo dyan?musta na ba ang pinoy dyan ok lang ba kayo.eto nag eenjoy kasi nakauwi na sa wakas.musta mo ko sa kanila.ingat ----- Original Message ----- From: Bernadette Dela Pena <nannet_beauty30@yahoo.com> Date: Friday, March 20, 2009 4:20 Subject: musta ka na jan To: "Yap, Dan SPC MIL USA FORSCOM" <dan.yap@us.army.mil> > ano musta ka na jan d kaya yata nag paparamdam baka sabihin mo d > kita naaalala o cge ingat ka lagi ha GODBLESS.....nannet > > > > > ________________________________ > From: "Yap, Dan SPC MIL USA FORSCOM" < > To: nannet_beauty30@yahoo.com; evelyn2tikrit@yahoo.com; aguas_swetty19@yahoo.com > Sent: Monday, November 3, 2008 6:51:08 PM > Subject: > > kababayan musta?narito na po ang mga larawan na nakuha noong ipinagdiwang ang kaarawan ni sergeant.maraming salamat po > > awe man you guys are awesome!!!!!!! lol. Thanks for warning me about what sounds dirty i really appreciate that one. and yup, my husbands in the army he just came home from his tour. Im filipina too but i was born and raised in california and my parents never really taught us. THANKS AGAIN!

How can I show myself as a friendly but strong and dangerous person?(more inside)? How can I show that i'm a nice and friendly person at serious times. But I joke and SOMETIMES annoy people to make certain ppl laugh. But I also wanna show that i'm strong and I will fight if I need to. im 12. Im thinking of wearing black jeans with x-large or large shirts like a blue shirt with chucky on it or a pinoy shirt thats white because im Filipino. My hair is short..no bangs im almost bald but i still have hair on my head and hair on the sides of my head...Im 5'1 110 pounds im kinda chubby abit of chest fat... I wear braces only on top but noone cares. Any other ideas?

LOL Funny Filipino joke...? There was one Pinoy who came to America and looked at the classified ads for painting jobs. He came across the "Help Wanted" section that read - "Wanted: Painter of Porch", and thought that was perfect for his capabilities.And so he went to the American who posted the ad. American: I need my porch painted in a day. You need to scrape all the paint up to the bare surface, and apply a coat of primer then two final coats of orange paint. Can you do that? Pinoy: Oh yes, sir.. yes, sir! I can remoob the paint then apply orange paint beri well! American: Ok! You got the job. Just get everything you need from the trunk of the car.After 3 hours...Pinoy: Sir, work is pinis oreydi! American: Wow! I'm amazed you did it in 3 hours. Did you scrape all the old paint to the bare surface? Pinoy: Oh yes, sir! Yes, sir! I tanggalated all the old paint! American: Well then, here's your $20 bonus! Pinoy: Golly, sir! Tenk yu beri much. But sir, you don't heb a porch.. your car is a BMW...! Ooouuuuch!

What do u call when ur bf chats; text; or calls other chikz; hun, baby, sexy,? we are both 27. is it flirting or cheating? my pinoy bf always says its a joke; i just dont think its right/..

Why are Filipinos so fixated on circumcision? I am just very amazed at how Filipinos put so much weight on it like it's more important that anything else. I was circumcised before I entered high school a number of years ago because I was afraid to be the butt of jokes by everyone, and also afraid I wasn't going to find a girlfriend if I was supot. Sometime before I got snipped, I would pull back my then present foreskin to know how it felt in my underwear with the head exposed... it didn't feel comfortable at all. Even long after the wound has healed, it still feels uncomfortable and very sensitive, even up to this date. It makes me wish I had my foreskin back... especially when I read about the important biological functions of the foreskin, now I feel really bad I lost mine. Why do we circumcised anyway? At this point in life, I start questioning why we cut off normal parts of our male anatomy... and for what? Our religion (Catholicism) doesn't really advocate circumcision, unlike Judaism (for Jews)... so that leaves me confused as to why we still do it. So we can have a rite of passage? Acceptance by our peers? Does it mean that you're a man already after your foreskin gets flayed off? I know a lot of people/fellow Filipinos who are circumcised but remain immature and don't take up responsibility... some rite of passage that is! I have foreign friends who of course do not practice this thing, and I feel ashamed sometimes when my fellow Pinoy friends would jeer them because they kept that extra piece of skin. I was afraid sometimes my foreign friends would think we Filipinos are a bunch of uneducated barbarians. I sometimes wonder if in time we are able to totally rid our culture of this pointless practice. It's just a piece of skin. Why do we treat it like it's something dirty and abnormal and a source of ridicule when it's really not?

Where to find pinoy joke pages in facebook? I was wondering where to find pinoy joke pages in facebook. Thank you very much to the guy who answered this question

Please share your Pinoy Q & A jokes? I like Q&A, knock knock, short stories jokes, so please share some =)