My Funny Picture

how do I free download funny animated cartoons. vedio clips and pictures to my cell mobile phone? I want to download free funny animated mobile phones pictures, cartoons and vedio clip

Where can I download a free 3D drawing software for drawing cartoon pictures? I got a really cool/funny wallpaper off of google images http://www.dream-wallpaper.com/free-wallpaper/cartoon-wallpaper/3d-funny-animals-2-wallpaper/1024x768/free-wallpaper-16.jpg and I was wanting to make one myself. Can anyone recommend any good free software for that kind of thing? It has to be really easy to use and have lots of tutorials to help me get going!

free funny pictures for download? cute out ragous cartoon illistations

Where can I find animal pictures I can safely download to my pictures file..for free? I'm not interested in cartoons for this. I prefer cats, rabbits, baby animals, funny pictures.

Drawing cartoon pictures? I usually use ms paint to draw funny little cartoons and stuff, but it's a bit pixelated and bland. I want some free software that will let me easily draw things in a similar style to the guy on this page http://www.newgrounds.com/game/ to the right of the weekly top 5. There are games with that guy made with flash, but I dont have that, whats a good program to make something like that? Easy to use too.

Sites with funny pictures and/or cartoons? THAT ARE FREE -- and you can steal the pictures, quotes, etc. by copying them (not your regular myspace sites) --- I know there are some funny ones but they don't allow you to copy them....anyone know of any GREAT ONE???

free toon logo for my gunsmithing website? I need someone to design a Logo for my website I am looking for a logo that is funny and a cartoon. If I like the logo I with use it as my main logo. I will offer to pay for additional cartoon pictures in the future for my tee shirts and mugs. You may sign your art and I will leave the signature on all art you send me. Thanks again for your help Sean G

IPod funny wallpapers? I need a good free app for funny wallpapers. Not the picture real life kind but the cartoon kind. Really funny. I already have the app called backgrounds. Any more??? Thank you and try to give me as much as possible.

what are some good songs that would go along with the Arizona Immigration Law? My classmate and I are making a video for our U.S. History class on current events and we are doing it on the new immigration law. It will have a recorded video in the project but there are parts that are only pictures about the law(political cartoons and such) and we need songs to play during the showing of these pictures. F.Y.I. a little humor won't hurt nobody so if you got a funny racist song feel free to post it

Can anyone send me photos of Mohammed? Recently, some extreme muslims attacked Danish products for publishing funny cartoon about their prophet Mohammed. even though I don't like such way. but we have to defend Freedom of expression. so maybe we should all publish such pictures, so noone can pressure denmark or free countries again. can anyone send me some of these photos, I will not give my email. let me know by showing a website that offer for free with right of distribution, or make one and let's publish more. by the way, I was muslim and I left that terror religion. LET'S DEFEND FREEDOM!!! well.... Muslims can make Islam more free. if Muslim people stop listening to clerics and tolerate freedoms. Freedom of expression is important and should be protected, I would not mind anyone who draw cartoon of God or Jesus even I don't like that. but it is ok. it is freedom. about Islam is true religion, sorry this is your belief, I left Islam, because I believe now that Islam is false religion and I follow Jesus now. it is the guidance of God. however, let's defend freedoms.. which is more important sanctity of Mohammed, or freedom of people to express, live safe and not abused? all newspapers, blogs and webpages, please republish the pictures and let me know where I can find some of these for free distribution!!! HUH!! I was really really Muslim, Islam is not violent? while you call for revenge against cartoon artist? Mohammed killed poets and threat one to die until he apologized (Ka'ab bin Zuhair). married 6 years old girl. simply my ex-prophet is child abuser!!lol "Have muslims ever ridiculed Christian, Jew...etc" are you kidding? of course they did. I read so much of it until I vomited and left Islam.

Is this funny? Or not? Why it's better to be a Woman! 1. We got off the Titanic first. 2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers. 3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours. 4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers. 5. We can cry and get off speeding fines. 6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game. 7. Taxis stop for us. 8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance. 9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing. 10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point). 11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay. 12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay. 13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life. 14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower. 15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves. 16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know. 17. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt. 18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it. 19. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there. 20. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute. 21. We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in. 22. We have the ability to dress ourselves. 23. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked. 24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot. 25. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth. 26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems. 27. We'll never regret piercing our ears. 28. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes. 29. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark. 30. We have enough sense to realize that the easiest way to get out of being lost is to ask for directions. I thought this was funny but I want to know other peoples opinions before I put it out there. http://www.coolfunnyjokes.com/Funny-Jokes/Gender-Jokes/Advantages-Of-Being-A-Woman.html Yeah but I dont care what the guys say! Theres enough sexist jokes about women out there that they cant say anything!! I didnt actually write this so the second one should be redone but I wouldnt know. Ok fine I care about the guys opinions but if they dont like it Im not gonna take it to heart. :)

List as much word as you possibly can? Please seperate each word by a comma. 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advantage women xx funny or true xx? Why it's better to be a Woman! 1. We got off the Titanic first. 2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers. 3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours. 4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers. 5. We can cry and get off speeding fines. 6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game. 7. Taxis stop for us. 8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance. 9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing. 10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point). 11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay. 12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay. 13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life. 14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower. 15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves. 16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know. 17. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt. 18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it. 19. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there. 20. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute. 21. We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in. 22. We have the ability to dress ourselves. 23. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked. 24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot. 25. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth. 26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems. 27. We'll never regret piercing our ears. 28. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes. 29. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark. 30. We have enough sense to realize that the easiest way to get out of being lost is to ask for directions.

hmm is this true or funny WHYits better to be a woman? 1. We got off the Titanic first. 2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers. 3. Our boyfriend`s clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours. 4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers. 5. We can cry and get off speeding fines. 6. We`ve never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game. 7. Taxis stop for us. 8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance. 9. We don`t look like a frog in a blender when dancing. 10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point). 11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we`re gay. 12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE`RE gay. 13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life. 14. It`s possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower. 15. We don`t have to fart to amuse ourselves. 16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know. 17. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt. 18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it. 19. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there. 20. If we`re dumb, some people will find it cute. 21. We don`t have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in. 22. We have the ability to dress ourselves. 23. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked. 24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we`re aware that we look like an idiot. 25. Our friends won`t think we`re weird if we ask whether there`s spinach in our teeth. 26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems. 27. We`ll never regret piercing our ears. 28. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes. 29. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark. 30. We have enough sense to realize that the easiest way to get out of being lost is to ask for directions.

Advantages of Being a Woman?!?!?! REALLY FUNNY!!!? Advantages Of Being A Woman Why it's better to be a Woman! 1. We got off the Titanic first. 2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers. 3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours. 4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers. 5. We can cry and get off speeding fines. 6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game. 7. Taxis stop for us. 8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance. 9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing. 10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point). 11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay. 12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay. 13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life. 14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower. 15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves. 16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know. 17. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt. 18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it. 19. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there. 20. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute. 21. We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in. 22. We have the ability to dress ourselves. 23. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked. 24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot. 25. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth. 26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems. 27. We'll never regret piercing our ears. 28. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes. 29. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark. 30. We have enough sense to realize that the easiest way to get out of being lost is to ask for directions You can cry without pretending there's something in your contact. You actually get extra points for sitting on your butt, watching sports. If you're a lousy athlete, you don't have to question your worth as a human being. A new lipstick gives you a whole new lease on life. In high school, you never had to walk down the hall with your binder strategically positioned. If you have to be home in time for Ally McBeal, you can say so, out loud. If you're not very attractive, you can fool 'em with makeup. If you use self-tanner, it doesn't necessarily mean you're a big loser. You could possibly live your whole life without ever taking a group shower. Brad Pitt! You don't have to fart to amuse yourself. You'll never have to decide where to hide your nose-hair clippers. When you take off your shoes, nobody passes out. If the person you're dating is much better at something than you are, you don't have to break up with him. If you think the person your dating really likes you, you don't have to break up with him If you're dumb, some people will find it cute. You don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in. You can dress yourself. Your hair is yours to keep. If you ARE bald, people will think you did it on purpose, and you're really chic. You don't have to pretend to like cigars. You'll never have to blow 2 months salary on anything. If you marry someone 20 years younger, you know you look like an idiot. You're rarely compelled to scream at the TV. You and your friends don't have to get totally wasted in order to share your feelings. If you pick up the check once in a while, that's plenty. Your friend won't think you're weird when you ask if there's spinach in your teeth. When you get a million catalogues in the mail, it's a good thing. Sometimes, chocolate truly can solve all your problems. If you're under 6', you don't have to lie about it. You'll never regret piercing your ears. You can fully assess someone just by looking at his or her shoes. You'll never discover you've been fooled by a Wonderbra. You don't have hair on your back. If anything on your body isn't as big as it should be, you can get implants. You can tell which glass was yours by the lipstick mark. If you have big ears, no one has to know. You can be attracted to someone just because they're really funny. You can borrow your spouse's clothes and it doesn't mean you belong on Jerry Springer. Women love to shop. It is the one area of the world where they feel like they're actually in control. Women keep three different shampoos and two different conditioners in the shower. After a woman showers, the bathroom will smell like a tropical rain forest. Women have better restrooms. They get the nice chairs and red carpet. M

Do you find any of these funny? Advantages Of Being A Woman Why it's better to be a Woman! 1. We got off the Titanic first. 2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers. 3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours. 4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers. 5. We can cry and get off speeding fines. 6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game. 7. Taxis stop for us. 8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance. 9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing. 10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point). 11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay. 12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay. 13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life. 14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower. 15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves. 16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know. 17. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt. 18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it. 19. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there. 20. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute. 21. We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in. 22. We have the ability to dress ourselves. 23. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked. 24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot. 25. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth. 26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems. 27. We'll never regret piercing our ears. 28. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes. 29. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark. 30. We have enough sense to realize that the easiest way to get out of being lost is to ask for directions. i ran out of ?s heres another joke A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?" The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?" Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no." The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?" The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again. "or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless witwith three c three children?!" The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..." On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"

Another joke (one for the girlies !! =D ) funny!? Why it's better to be a Woman! 1. We got off the Titanic first. 2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers. 3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours. 4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers. 5. We can cry and get off speeding fines. 6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game. 7. Taxis stop for us. 8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance. 9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing. 10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point). 11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay. 12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay. 13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life. 14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower. 15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves. 16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know. 17. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt. 18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it. 19. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there. 20. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute. 21. We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in. 22. We have the ability to dress ourselves. 23. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked. 24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot. 25. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth. 26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems. 27. We'll never regret piercing our ears. 28. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes. 29. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark. 30. We have enough sense to realize that the easiest way to get out of being lost is to ask for directions. Yeah GM, that sooo true !!! =D

Why it`s better to be a Woman! now how about this one is it funny or true? 1. We got off the Titanic first. 2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers. 3. Our boyfriend`s clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours. 4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers. 5. We can cry and get off speeding fines. 6. We`ve never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game. 7. Taxis stop for us. 8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance. 9. We don`t look like a frog in a blender when dancing. 10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point). 11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we`re gay. 12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE`RE gay. 13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life. 14. It`s possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower. 15. We don`t have to fart to amuse ourselves. 16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know. 17. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt. 18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it. 19. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there. 20. If we`re dumb, some people will find it cute. 21. We don`t have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in. 22. We have the ability to dress ourselves. 23. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked. 24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we`re aware that we look like an idiot. 25. Our friends won`t think we`re weird if we ask whether there`s spinach in our teeth. 26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems. 27. We`ll never regret piercing our ears. 28. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes. 29. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark. 30. We have enough sense to realize that the easiest way to get out of being lost is to ask for directions.

A question about copyright? This is pretty technical, so kudos to anyone who can answer. Here's the thing, I'm an amateur artist and I want to post some stuff of mine on a small website, a comic book to be precise. Also on this website would be several "how to draw" tutorials, and I wanted to use some of my characters as examples for cartooning. More then just step by step pictures I wanted to post videos as well, but through an external site for the sake of host space. Copyright is a funny thing you know, and with the long terms of service on every web based service today a few terms looked like loopholes to me. The TOS stated the following on copyright: "...by submitting Content to [company], you hereby grant [company] a worldwide, non-exclusive, royalty-free, sublicensable and transferable license to use, reproduce, distribute, prepare derivative works of, display, and perform the Content in connection with the Service and [company]'s (and its successors' and affiliates') business, including without limitation for promoting and redistributing part or all of the Service (and derivative works thereof) in any media formats and through any media channels." It's that "derivative works" part that gets me, because it sounds to me like that's granting an intellectual license over the work. The TOS states later that such license would expire after the content was removed from the service, but states nothing exclusively about the status of the "derivative works" at such point; though it is implied that they would cease to be shown as well. So here's the question: In the event that I post a "how to draw" video of one of my characters from my comic, would use of that character in a drawing/comic/cartoon done by this company, or one of it's partners, be considered a "derivative work"? My fear is that if, by some great chance, my little hobby comic becomes famous that this company would be able to publish "derivative works" of my characters if the "how to" videos were still on their service at that time. If that's the case, my precious little guys and gals could appear on the internet doing all sorts of out of character things and I wouldn't be able to do a darn thing about it! One thing folks. Please don't post the obvious solution as an answer, ie: "If you're that worried about it just don't use your characters." It's inescapable. Everywhere I look I keep running into the same legal jargon, not just on this service but lots others as well. I want to post my work where people can see it, but I don't want to do it at the risk of my copyright. And I know also that such underhanded theft isn't the reason why this language is used, but all I want to know is COULD it be used this way if someone was of a mind to?

I Need Useless Tags for a Video Related to UFOs, anybody have any? You know what i mean? activism, advertising, alcohol, alternative-news, ancient-history, animals, animation, anime, architecture, arts, astronomy, atheist, bizarre, blogs, books, buddhism, business, cars, cartoons, cats, celebrities, christianity, classic-rock, clothing, comedy-movies, comics, computer-graphics, computer-hardware, computers, cooking, crafts, crime, cyberculture, dogs, drawing, drugs, ecommerce, environment, fashion, fine-arts, firefox, geography, graphic-design, guitar, guns, hacking, health, history, humor, illusions, interior-design, internet, internet-tools, iraq, liberal-politics, liberties, linguistics, linux, literature, mac-os, mathematics, movies, multimedia, music, nature, network-security, news, online-games, open-source, painting, philosophy, photography, physics, poetry, politics, programming, psychology, quizzes, relationships, religion, satire, science, science-fiction, self-improvement, shopping, software, space-exploration, stumblers, stumbleupon, tattoos, travel, tv, video, video-games, web-design, windows, writing, actors, america, apple, art, aviation, blog, blogging, bush, california, car, cartoon, cat, celebrity, charity, children, climate-change, college, comedy, comic, community, dance, death, debate, design, diet, diy, dog, economy, election, elections, energy, entertainment, exercise, facebook, film, finance, flash, flowers, food, football, funny, gadgets, game, games, gaming, global-warming, god, google, graffiti, green, home, humour, illustration, images, internet-marketing, life, living, love, mac, marriage, math, media, medicine, microsoft, money, music-video, obama, oil, online, paintings, pakistan, peace, photo, photos, photoshop, pictures, pirates, president, quotes, recipe, recipes, republican, rock, sculpture, security, social-media, social-networking, society, space, star-wars, tech, technology, television, tips, tools, tutorials, ubuntu, vegan, video, videos, vintage, war, water, web, web-development, weird, wordpress, youtube, sex, sexy, hot, love, porn, president, 2008, 2009, winter, secret, omg, no, way, amplafitesttag, art, arts, bank, barackobama, bi, bisexual, blues, broadway, business, c, canvass, children, classical, college, comedy, community, communityservice, concert, conference, convention, country, county, dance, debatewatchparty, design, development, drive, election, election08, entrepreneur, event, events, fair, family, festival, field, filmfest, florida, football, for, free, fun, fundraising, halloween, haunted, indie, iowavoteearlyforchangeweekofac, jazz, kids, league, live, local, localfieldoffice, london, management, marketing, media, meeting, music, musicals, mybo, national, networking, new, nfl, nyc, obama, of, office, organizing, party, performance, phone, phonebank, pop, pride, prideevent, pridefest, registration, rock, service, show, shows, social, sport, sports, startup, technology, theater, tour, voter, voterregistrationdrive, w, web, western, women, women for obama, workshop, , free, money, cash, movie, download Something like that but maybe related to aliens ufos and space? Thanks I really appreciate the help

About drawing Mohammed/freedom of speech and expression.? While I am all for freedom of speech I'm just wondering why draw Muhammed day is so readily accepted on facebook. I'm atheist btw. I'm just wondering what the difference between draw muhammed day (as it predominantly is about inciting hate) and say for instance 'black people are monkeys day', 'hitler was a great man for killing jews day' etc. These two would be unacceptable and immediately removed off facebook but why is this the case? I am all for freedom of speech but seeing pictures like this: http://www.eurabia.cz/dokumenty/humor/humor22.jpg and http://jeremyinc.com/images/muhammad_toilet_paper.JPG with comments like this ' are muslims angry that jews own them in the middle east so much' whilst it does exercise free speech it is mainly directly to inciting hatred. So why would 'black people are monkeys' or 'adolf hitler was a great man/kill all jews' groups be looked down upon. It would be a massive double standard if they called that wrong surely in the context of free speech? I'm getting the feeling this is just a hate group specifically against islam. It's funny because if they had a problem with the other groups i mentioned then it would be confirmed, but I get the feeling this is just a hate group masquerading as a legitimate protest against censorship. P.s the group missed the point of south park - to make a stand against censorship and it wasn't about portraying mohammed in a negative way at all. The irony is that still got censored (which I believe is really wrong - especially with budhaa snorting cocaine in the cartoon) so there was really nothing they could do - even with preferential treatment over another religious figure and a non-negative portrayal he still got censored. @first poster I didn't want to the wall of text so I assumed you would know they COULD draw him respectfully - that is trivial and the most BASIC of things to assume......and when you follow it to the logical conclusion of the page being hijacked you then ask yourself why weren't there any admins to keep it on track, well that is because if you moderate the page you will be censoring people's opinions anyway. It is impossible to say whether or not the group started as a hate group, however since it was taken down before for being a hate group with lots of offensive material it is safe to say the new one spawned as a hate group and has been ever since.

Poll : Was I wrong in posting this joke ? sorry about the long post? Apparently some people cant just take a joke. Just got a very angry and insulting email from one person who obviously thought the joke was in very bad taste ____________________________________ Joke : Why its better to be a women...is this worthy of a star ? 1. We got off the Titanic first. 2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers. 3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours. 4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers. 5. We can cry and get off speeding fines. 6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game. 7. Taxis stop for us. 8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance. 9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing. 10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point). 11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay. 12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay. 13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life. 14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower. 15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves. 16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know. 17. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt. 18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it. 19. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there. 20. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute. 21. We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in. 22. We have the ability to dress ourselves. 23. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked. 24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot. 25. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth. 26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems. 27. We'll never regret piercing our ears. 28. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes. 29. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark. 30. We have enough sense to realize that the easiest way to get out of being lost is to ask for directions. _________________________________ And here is the very thought provoking email,so was I wrong in posting in this joke ? ________________________ Your comments on this subject offended me because I myself am a guy. You seem to like adding insult to injury with some of what you say. That was not funny of you to mention the titanic thing. I would never board the damn thing if I knew they'd make me die so someone else could live, that **** is just wrong. And if hypothesticallt speaking I ever were in that position, I would break on through and save my life anyway, no matter what they say. That god-damn Titanic captain should burn in hell for that order he gave. also, you don't know a f#cking thing on what's it's like to have to do all the work on going up to women, hitting on her, making the sexual success happen. You girls get to just sit back and enjoy it. I don't appreciate your comments on this at all. I am very offended by this. Is that how you'd feel about your own damn son if you ever gave birth to a boy? You gonna treat him the same way? Going up and hitting on chics to get sex takes WORK, something you women wouldn't know a damn thing about in the dating game. Email me back if you want, ____________________________ I have obviously left out the name and the email id but hey why cant people realize jokes are on everyone..geezzzzzzz lol looking at the tone of the email i doubt he was joking it seems more like full blooded fury lol just blocked him,dont want him trolling my questions

Why am I such a friendless loser? I am 13 yrs old and I go to an all boys school. I haven't had a conversation with a girl who isn't related to me in over five years, and everybody else is always talking about their various relationships with the girls school. I used to have a few really good friends, but most of them are in different classes since we came to secondary, and the others have all completely shunned me to go and try to integrate themselves with the other guys. I'm Catholic, and I have strong opinions on... things, and sometimes people laugh at me for not being able to do certain things. Most people in my class are atheist or agnostic, so sometimes it feels like I'm the only one who believes in God. And there's this one kid who's always slagging me off, like, saying that I only believe to get free holidays and stuff. They're all laughing at me and stereotyping me when they hear anything about all the crap in the news they always turn and laugh at me. I sometimes draw cartoons, and people used to like them and think that they were funny, but now whenever I draw something they just tell me it's crap or tear it up. I painted a picture of an Indian kid I know on a piece of clay, with glaze - but when it got fired, he smashed it p - it was 'too black'. Noe everyone's calling me a racist, and this one kid, I mentioned before - he is giving me such a hard time because I called him gay. Everyone in my class is obsessed with sex and stuff - apparently I'm weird because I don't like porn or anything, and I'm not normal because I don't want to watch this stuff that they do. It's making me feel completely crap, because now this group of kids is latching onto whatever I do, and telling me that I'm stupid, or abnormal. People I thought were my friends are always beating me up, and the Indian kid I talked about earlier keeps stabbing me with a pen and pays people to beat me up. The 'friends' I do have are always beating me up for money, or just for no reason, and they always bring in loads of money - like $30 every day. I always say that he should bring in less, that he should exercise more - but that just led to him beating me up, me getting stabbed with a pen again, and me, as always, feeling crap. I mean, the thing is, I'm always nice to people, I never do stuff to people. I like singing to myself while I work, but then people just call me annoying and tell me to stop. I do way to many clubs but I can't stop any of them because of this one pushy teacher, and my life is becoming overloaded because I sing so much - I have to go to the school chapel on Sundays to sing, instead of the catholic one. My family are one of the poorer ones in the school, which means I don't get fancy ipods and stuff, and I can only go to this school because I've worked really hard to get scholarships and stuff. People say that I'm clever, and that I'm top in the class, but I don't feel that way. My parents, and my teachers always say that the others in the class respect me, but it never feels that way, people are just always laughing at me. I never hang out with people after school, I'm always to busy with my family, or with clubs. I'm so sad when I see on holidays and stuff, people I know going out to town ,and actually talking to girls and stuff, just generally having a life. I don't have facebook, and I've been conditioned not to even want it, and I don't have any opportunities to meet anybody new. At the beginning of every week, on Sunday, I lie in bed and I think ; this week is going to be good - I'm gonna get some friends and I'm gonna just have a better time. But it always turns out to be worse than the last. I have no idea what to do, I have no love life, little social life, and my time is completely taken up by my ever growing schedule of clubs and societies. I can't talk to anyone about it - my parents and brothers are all really loving and nice, but I just can't talk to them about this kind of thing. I just don't know what to do.

Poll : Was I wrong in posting this joke ? sorry about the long post? Apparently some people cant just take a joke. Just got a very angry and insulting email from one person who obviously thought the joke was in very bad taste ____________________________________ Joke : Why its better to be a women...is this worthy of a star ? 1. We got off the Titanic first. 2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers. 3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours. 4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers. 5. We can cry and get off speeding fines. 6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game. 7. Taxis stop for us. 8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance. 9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing. 10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point). 11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay. 12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay. 13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life. 14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower. 15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves. 16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know. 17. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt. 18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it. 19. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there. 20. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute. 21. We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in. 22. We have the ability to dress ourselves. 23. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked. 24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot. 25. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth. 26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems. 27. We'll never regret piercing our ears. 28. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes. 29. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark. 30. We have enough sense to realize that the easiest way to get out of being lost is to ask for directions. _________________________________ And here is the very thought provoking email,so was I wrong in posting in this joke ? ________________________ Your comments on this subject offended me because I myself am a guy. You seem to like adding insult to injury with some of what you say. That was not funny of you to mention the titanic thing. I would never board the damn thing if I knew they'd make me die so someone else could live, that **** is just wrong. And if hypothesticallt speaking I ever were in that position, I would break on through and save my life anyway, no matter what they say. That god-damn Titanic captain should burn in hell for that order he gave. also, you don't know a f#cking thing on what's it's like to have to do all the work on going up to women, hitting on her, making the sexual success happen. You girls get to just sit back and enjoy it. I don't appreciate your comments on this at all. I am very offended by this. Is that how you'd feel about your own damn son if you ever gave birth to a boy? You gonna treat him the same way? Going up and hitting on chics to get sex takes WORK, something you women wouldn't know a damn thing about in the dating game. Email me back if you want, ____________________________ I have obviously left out the name and the email id but hey why cant people realize jokes are on everyone..geezzzzzzz

Bush a true orator? "We look forward to hearing your vision, so we can more better do our job. That's what I'm telling you." —George W. Bush, Gulfport, Miss., Sept. 20, 2005 "If it were to rain a lot, there is concern from the Army Corps of Engineers that the levees might break. And so, therefore, we're cautious about encouraging people to return at this moment of history." —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Sept. 19, 2005 "Listen, I want to thank leaders of the — in the faith — faith-based and community-based community for being here." —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Sept. 6, 2005 "So please give cash money to organizations that are directly involved in helping save lives — save the life who had been affected by Hurricane Katrina." —George W. Bush, Washington D.C., Sept. 6, 2005 "I can't wait to join you in the joy of welcoming neighbors back into neighborhoods, and small businesses up and running, and cutting those ribbons that somebody is creating new jobs." —George W. Bush, Poplarville, Miss., Sept. 5, 2005 "Brownie, you're doing a heck of a job." —George W. Bush, to FEMA director Michael Brown, who resigned 10 days later amid criticism over his job performance, Mobile, Ala., Sept. 2, 2005 (Listen to audio; read more stupid quotes about Hurricane Katrina) "We've got a lot of rebuilding to do. First, we're going to save lives and stabilize the situation. And then we're going to help these communities rebuild. The good news is -- and it's hard for some to see it now -- that out of this chaos is going to come a fantastic Gulf Coast, like it was before. Out of the rubbles of Trent Lott's house -- he's lost his entire house -- there's going to be a fantastic house. And I'm looking forward to sitting on the porch." (Laughter) --George W. Bush, touring hurricane damage, Mobile, Ala., Sept. 2, 2005 "My thoughts are, we're going to get somebody who knows what they're talking about when it comes to rebuilding cities." —George W. Bush, on rebuilding New Orleans, Biloxi, Miss., Sept. 2, 2005 "Americans should be prudent in their use of energy during the course of the next few weeks. Don't buy gas if you don't need it." —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Sept. 1, 2005 "It's totally wiped out. ... It's devastating, it's got to be doubly devastating on the ground." —George W. Bush, turning to his aides while surveying Hurricane Katrina flood damage from Air Force One , Aug. 31, 2005 "The best place for the facts to be done is by somebody who's spending time investigating it." —George W. Bush, on the probe into how CIA agent Valerie Plame's identity was leaked, Washington D.C., July 18, 2005 "I'm looking forward to a good night's sleep on the soil of a friend." —George W. Bush, on visiting Denmark, Washington D.C., June 29, 2005 "I was going to say he's a piece of work, but that might not translate too well. Is that all right, if I call you a 'piece of work'?" —George W. Bush to Jean-Claude Juncker, prime minister of Luxembourg, Washington, D.C., June 20, 2005 "The relations with, uhh — Europe are important relations, and they've, uhh — because, we do share values. And, they're universal values, they're not American values or, you know — European values, they're universal values. And those values — uhh — being universal, ought to be applied everywhere." —George W. Bush, at a press conference with European Union dignitaries, Washington, D.C., June 20, 2005 "You see, not only did the attacks help accelerate a recession, the attacks reminded us that we are at war." —George W. Bush, on the Sept. 11 attacks, Washington, D.C., June 8, 2005 "And the second way to defeat the terrorists is to spread freedom. You see, the best way to defeat a society that is — doesn't have hope, a society where people become so angry they're willing to become suiciders, is to spread freedom, is to spread democracy." —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., June 8, 2005 "It seemed like to me they based some of their decisions on the word of — and the allegations — by people who were held in detention, people who hate America, people that had been trained in some instances to disassemble — that means not tell the truth." —George W. Bush, on an Amnesty International report on prisoner abuse at Guantanamo Bay, Washington, D.C., May 31, 2005 (Listen to audio) "See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda." —George W. Bush, Greece, N.Y., May 24, 2005 (Listen to audio) "We discussed the way forward in Iraq, discussed the importance of a democracy in the greater Middle East in order to leave behind a peaceful tomorrow." —George W. Bush, Tbilisi, Georgia, May 10, 2005 "I think younger workers — first of all, younger workers have been promised benefits the government — promises that have been promised, benefits that we can't keep. That's just the way it is." —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., May 4, 2005 "It means your own money would grow better than that which the government can make it grow. And that's important." —George W. Bush, on what private accounts could do for Social Security funds, Falls Church, Va., April 29, 2005 "I can only speak to myself." —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., April 28, 2005 "It's in our country's interests to find those who would do harm to us and get them out of harm's way." —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., April 28, 2005 "We expect the states to show us whether or not we're achieving simple objectives — like literacy, literacy in math, the ability to read and write." —George W. Bush, on federal education requirements, Washington, D.C., April 28, 2005 "He understands the need for a timely write of the constitution." —George W. Bush, on Prime Minister Iyad Allawi of Iraq, Washington, D.C., April 28, 2005 "Well, we've made the decision to defeat the terrorists abroad so we don't have to face them here at home. And when you engage the terrorists abroad, it causes activity and action." —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., April 28, 2005 "But Iraq has — have got people there that are willing to kill, and they're hard-nosed killers. And we will work with the Iraqis to secure their future." —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., April 28, 2005 "I appreciate my love for Laura." —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., April 20, 2005 "We have enough coal to last for 250 years, yet coal also prevents an environmental challenge." —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., April 20, 2005 "Part of the facts is understanding we have a problem, and part of the facts is what you're going to do about it." —George W. Bush, Kirtland, Ohio, April 15, 2005 "I'm going to spend a lot of time on Social Security. I enjoy it. I enjoy taking on the issue. I guess, it's the Mother in me." —George W. Bush, Washington D.C., April 14, 2005 "We look forward to analyzing and working with legislation that will make — it would hope — put a free press's mind at ease that you're not being denied information you shouldn't see." —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., April 14, 2005 "I want to thank you for the importance that you've shown for education and literacy." —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., April 13, 2005 "I understand there's a suspicion that we—we're too security-conscience." —George W. Bush, Washington D.C., April 14, 2005 "If they pre-decease or die early, there's an asset base to be able to pass on to a loved one." —George W. Bush, on Social Security money held in private accounts, Cedar Rapids, Iowa, March 30, 2005 [I'm] occasionally reading, I want you to know, in the second term." —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., March 16, 2005 "In this job you've got a lot on your plate on a regular basis; you don't have much time to sit around and wander, lonely, in the Oval Office, kind of asking different portraits, 'How do you think my standing will be?'" —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., March 16, 2005 "In terms of timetables, as quickly as possible — whatever that means." —George W. Bush, on his time frame for shoring up Social Security, Washington D.C., March 16, 2005 "I like the idea of people running for office. There's a positive effect when you run for office. Maybe some will run for office and say, vote for me, I look forward to blowing up America. I don't know, I don't know if that will be their platform or not. But it's -- I don't think so. I think people who generally run for office say, vote for me, I'm looking forward to fixing your potholes, or making sure you got bread on the table." —George W. Bush, on elections in the Middle East, Washington, D.C., March 16, 2005 "I repeat, personal accounts do not permanently fix the solution." —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., March 16, 2005 "This notion that the United States is getting ready to attack Iran is simply ridiculous. And having said that, all options are on the table." —George W. Bush, Brussels, Belgium, Feb. 22, 2005 "If you're a younger person, you ought to be asking members of Congress and the United States Senate and the president what you intend to do about it. If you see a train wreck coming, you ought to be saying, what are you going to do about it, Mr. Congressman, or Madam Congressman?" —George W. Bush, Detroit, Mich., Feb. 8, 2005 "Because the — all which is on the table begins to address the big cost drivers. For example, how benefits are calculate, for example, is on the table; whether or not benefits rise based upon wage increases or price increases. There's a series of parts of the formula that are being considered. And when you couple that, those different cost drivers, affecting those — changing those with personal accounts, the idea is to get what has been promised more likely to be — or closer delivered to what has been promised. Does that make any sense to you? It's kind of muddled. Look, there's a series of things that cause the — like, for example, benefits are calculated based upon the increase of wages, as opposed to the increase of prices. Some have suggested that we calculate — the benefits will rise based upon inflation, as opposed to wage increases. There is a reform that would help solve the red if that were put into effect. In other words, how fast benefits grow, how fast the promised benefits grow, if those — if that growth is affected, it will help on the red." —George W. Bush, explaining his plan to save Social Security, Tampa, Fla., Feb. 4, 2005 "You work three jobs? … Uniquely American, isn't it? I mean, that is fantastic that you're doing that." —George W. Bush, to a divorced mother of three, Omaha, Nebraska, Feb. 4, 2005 (Listen to audio) "After all, Europe is America's closest ally." —George W. Bush, Mainz, Germany, Feb. 23, 2005 "Because he's hiding." —George W. Bush, responding to a reporter who asked why Osama bin Laden had not been caught, aboard Air Force One, Jan. 14, 2005 "I'm also mindful that man should never try to put words in God's mouth. I mean, we should never ascribe natural disasters or anything else to God. We are in no way, shape, or form should a human being, play God." —George W. Bush, ABC's 20/20, Washington D.C., Jan. 14, 2005 "I want to appreciate those of you who wear our nation's uniform for your sacrifice." —George W. Bush, Jacksonville, Fla., Jan. 14, 2005 "I speak plainly sometimes, but you've got to be mindful of the consequences of the words. So put that down. I don't know if you'd call that a confession, a regret, something." —George W. Bush, speaking to reporters, Washington, D.C., Jan. 14, 2005 "Who could have possibly envisioned an erection — an election in Iraq at this point in history?" —George W. Bush, at the white House, Washington, D.C., Jan. 10, 2005 "We need to apply 21st-century information technology to the health care field. We need to have our medical records put on the I.T." —George W. Bush, Collinsville, Ill., Jan. 5, 2005 "I believe we are called to do the hard work to make our communities and quality of life a better place." —George W. Bush, Collinsville, Ill., Jan. 5, 2005 Read More Bushisms • Bushisms from 2004 • Bushisms from 2003 • Bushisms from 2002 • Bushisms from 2001 • Bushisms from 2000 Got a Bushism? Email it to politicalhumor.guide@about.com Are You An Expert on Bushspeak? Take the Bushisms Quiz -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Email This Page to a Friend | Subscribe to Newsletter -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From Daniel Kurtzman, Your Guide to Political Humor. FREE Newsletter. Sign Up Now! Sponsored Links Anti-Bush Merchandise Posters, Bumper Stickers & More Daily Blog & News Roundup www.bushmark.com George W. Bush Are You Happy Bush Won? Vote & Win a Free Razr Phone bush.peel.com Look Alikes Nationwide Music-TV-Movies-Political Stage Show-Meet & Greet www.besserentertainment.com George W Bush Humor Videos, bloopers, songs, jokes, & hilarious cartoons. 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DVD burning problem using nero7 and Win DvD? Just until 2 days ago my DVD burner worked perfectly.But now,every time i try to burn a DVD( home made videos), all goes fine until it comes to writhing leads- in and burning failed.I waste already 20 empty disks but always same.I use full version of Nero,not trial and also get same result using WinDvd ,also full version.I have disabled my anti-virus protection prior to burning but same results.Before,even anti-virus was running i never had problem while burning DVDs.Any help?I include log file recorded while trying to burn a DVD with Nero.Thanks [08:23:41] NeroVision Log created (Date: 07/08/2006) [08:23:48] NeroVision Processors: 1 (Intel) [08:23:48] NeroVision OS: Windows XP Media Center Edition [08:23:49] GCCore Detected DirectX Version: 9.0c [08:23:52] ExpressUI Running Nero Vision Version: 4.5.0.15 [08:23:55] MMTools SourceBuilder: building c:\Documents and Settings\sasha\My Documents\My Pictures\dvd funny videos\joan.mpg video/0 [08:23:56] MMTools SourceBuilder: --- used source filters --- [08:23:56] MMTools {E436EBB5-524F-11CE-9F53-0020AF0BA770} - File Source (Async.) [08:23:56] MMTools {A336CD3B-599C-4F70-A34D-E88EDE4B64C3} - Nero Splitter [08:23:56] MMTools {FEB50740-7BEF-11CE-9BD9-0000E202599C} - MPEG Video Codec [08:23:56] MMTools SourceBuilder: file type MPEG1 - video [08:23:56] MMTools -------------------- [08:24:17] MMTools SourceBuilder: building c:\Documents and Settings\sasha\Desktop\2006_07_04\MVI_0407.AVI audio/0 [08:24:18] MMTools SourceBuilder: --- used source filters --- [08:24:18] MMTools {E436EBB5-524F-11CE-9F53-0020AF0BA770} - File Source (Async.) [08:24:18] MMTools {1B544C20-FD0B-11CE-8C63-00AA0044B51E} - AVI Splitter [08:24:18] MMTools SourceBuilder: file type AVI - audio [08:24:18] MMTools -------------------- [08:24:18] MMTools SourceBuilder: building c:\Documents and Settings\sasha\Desktop\2006_07_04\MVI_0407.AVI video/0 [08:24:18] MMTools SourceBuilder: --- used source filters --- [08:24:18] MMTools {E436EBB5-524F-11CE-9F53-0020AF0BA770} - File Source (Async.) [08:24:18] MMTools {1B544C20-FD0B-11CE-8C63-00AA0044B51E} - AVI Splitter [08:24:18] MMTools {301056D0-6DFF-11D2-9EEB-006008039E37} - MJPEG Decompressor [08:24:18] MMTools SourceBuilder: file type AVI - video [08:24:18] MMTools -------------------- [08:24:19] AMCUIBase Asset created by user: class AVFileAsset [08:24:19] AMCUIBase - file paths: 1, first = 'c:\Documents and Settings\sasha\Desktop\2006_07_04\MVI_0407.AVI') [08:24:24] MMTools SourceBuilder: building c:\Documents and Settings\sasha\Desktop\2006_07_04\MVI_0408.AVI audio/0 [08:24:24] MMTools SourceBuilder: --- used source filters --- [08:24:24] MMTools {E436EBB5-524F-11CE-9F53-0020AF0BA770} - File Source (Async.) [08:24:24] MMTools {1B544C20-FD0B-11CE-8C63-00AA0044B51E} - AVI Splitter [08:24:24] MMTools SourceBuilder: file type AVI - audio [08:24:24] MMTools -------------------- [08:24:24] MMTools SourceBuilder: building c:\Documents and Settings\sasha\Desktop\2006_07_04\MVI_0408.AVI video/0 [08:24:24] MMTools SourceBuilder: --- used source filters --- [08:24:24] MMTools {E436EBB5-524F-11CE-9F53-0020AF0BA770} - File Source (Async.) [08:24:24] MMTools {1B544C20-FD0B-11CE-8C63-00AA0044B51E} - AVI Splitter [08:24:24] MMTools {301056D0-6DFF-11D2-9EEB-006008039E37} - MJPEG Decompressor [08:24:24] MMTools SourceBuilder: file type AVI - video [08:24:24] MMTools -------------------- [08:24:24] AMCUIBase Asset created by user: class AVFileAsset [08:24:24] AMCUIBase - file paths: 1, first = 'c:\Documents and Settings\sasha\Desktop\2006_07_04\MVI_0408.AVI') [08:24:32] AMCUIBase Asset added to project: type='AVFile', name='MVI_0408' [08:24:32] MMTools SourceBuilder: building cached c:\Documents and Settings\sasha\Desktop\2006_07_04\MVI_0408.AVI audio/0 [08:24:33] MMTools SourceBuilder: building cached c:\Documents and Settings\sasha\Desktop\2006_07_04\MVI_0408.AVI video/0 [08:24:34] AMCUIBase Asset added to project: type='AVFile', name='MVI_0407' [08:24:34] MMTools SourceBuilder: building cached c:\Documents and Settings\sasha\Desktop\2006_07_04\MVI_0407.AVI audio/0 [08:24:34] MMTools SourceBuilder: building cached c:\Documents and Settings\sasha\Desktop\2006_07_04\MVI_0407.AVI video/0 [08:24:39] DVDEngine C:\PROGRAM FILES\NERO\NERO 7\NERO VISION\DVDENGINE.DLL [08:24:39] DVDEngine Product Version: 4.5.0.3, File Version: 4.5.0.35, Interface Version: 4.5.0.0 [08:24:39] DVDEngine C:\PROGRAM FILES\NERO\NERO 7\NERO VISION\DVDENGINE.DLL [08:24:39] DVDEngine Product Version: 4.5.0.3, File Version: 4.5.0.35, Interface Version: 4.5.0.0 [08:24:39] DVDEngine C:\PROGRAM FILES\NERO\NERO 7\NERO VISION\DVDENGINE.DLL [08:24:39] DVDEngine Product Version: 4.5.0.3, File Version: 4.5.0.35, Interface Version: 4.5.0.0 [08:24:39] DVDEngine BEGIN: IDVDEngineManagerImpl - CreateDVDVideoSession [08:24:39] DVDEngine END: IDVDEngineManagerImpl - CreateDVDVideoSession [08:24:39] DVDEngine BEGIN: IDVDSessionBaseImpl - RegisterApplicationService [08:24:39] DVDEngine ..Application service registered... [08:24:39] DVDEngine END: IDVDSessionBaseImpl - RegisterApplicationService [08:24:39] DVDEngine BEGIN: IDVDSessionBaseImpl - RegisterApplicationService [08:24:39] DVDEngine ..Application service registered... [08:24:39] DVDEngine END: IDVDSessionBaseImpl - RegisterApplicationService [08:24:39] NeroVision Estimate Size [08:24:39] NeroVision +-------+------+--------+----------+--------- [08:24:39] NeroVision |Stream | Seg. | UnComp.| Duration | Size (KB) [08:24:39] NeroVision +-------+------+--------+----------+--------- [08:24:39] NeroVision | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0.03 | 224 [08:24:39] NeroVision | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0.03 | 0 [08:24:39] NeroVision +-------+------+--------+----------+--------- [08:24:39] NeroVision total data size : 458753 bytes [08:24:39] NeroVision multiplexed size : 475136 bytes [08:24:39] NeroVision Estimate Size [08:24:39] NeroVision +-------+------+--------+----------+--------- [08:24:39] NeroVision |Stream | Seg. | UnComp.| Duration | Size (KB) [08:24:39] NeroVision +-------+------+--------+----------+--------- [08:24:39] NeroVision | 0 | 0 | 1 | 160.89 | 41469 [08:24:39] NeroVision | 1 | 0 | 1 | 160.89 | 30892 [08:24:39] NeroVision +-------+------+--------+----------+--------- [08:24:39] NeroVision total data size : 74326578 bytes [08:24:39] NeroVision multiplexed size : 77633536 bytes [08:24:40] MMTools SourceBuilder: building cached c:\Documents and Settings\sasha\Desktop\2006_07_04\MVI_0407.AVI video/0 [08:24:50] MMTools SourceBuilder: building cached c:\Documents and Settings\sasha\Desktop\2006_07_04\MVI_0407.AVI audio/0 [08:24:50] MMTools SourceBuilder: building cached c:\Documents and Settings\sasha\Desktop\2006_07_04\MVI_0407.AVI video/0 [08:25:30] ExpressUI Burn process started by user. [08:25:30] ExpressUI Destination: ATAPI DVD DD 2X16X4X16 [08:25:30] ExpressUI Directory for temporary files: C:\DOCUME~1\sasha\LOCALS~1\Temp [08:25:30] ExpressUI Available hard disk space for temporary files: 101147.859 MB [08:25:30] ExpressUI ------<Nero Vision Project Information>-------- [08:25:30] ExpressUI --- Project type: DVD-Video [08:25:30] ExpressUI --- Project video options --- [08:25:30] ExpressUI Video mode: NTSC [08:25:30] ExpressUI Aspect ratio: Automatic [08:25:30] ExpressUI Quality: Automatic (fit to disc) (5073 kbit/s) [08:25:30] ExpressUI Resolution: Automatic [08:25:30] ExpressUI Sample format: Automatic [08:25:30] ExpressUI Video format: MPEG-2 [08:25:30] ExpressUI Audio format: LPCM [08:25:30] ExpressUI Encoding mode: Fast Encoding (1-Pass) [08:25:30] ExpressUI Nero SmartEncoding: Automatic [08:25:30] ExpressUI --- Project space information --- [08:25:30] ExpressUI Media type: DVD (4700000000 bytes maximum capacity) [08:25:30] ExpressUI Total space used: 0.08 out of 4.38 GB (Quality: Excellent) [08:25:30] ExpressUI Space used for menus: 0.5 out of 1024.0 MB [08:25:30] ExpressUI --- Project contents --- [08:25:30] ExpressUI Audio format: LPCM [08:25:30] ExpressUI Sample format: Automatic [08:25:30] ExpressUI Encoding mode: Fast Encoding (1-Pass) [08:25:30] ExpressUI Nero SmartEncoding: Automatic [08:25:30] ExpressUI Number of titles: 1 [08:25:30] ExpressUI 1. Title 1 (Video Title, 0h 02m 40s) [08:25:30] ExpressUI - Audio SmartEncoding ratio: 0.0 % [08:25:30] ExpressUI - Video SmartEncoding ratio: 0.0 % [08:25:30] ExpressUI Number of menus: 1 [08:25:30] ExpressUI - Main menu (1 page) [08:25:30] ExpressUI --------<End of Project Information>---------- [08:25:30] ExpressUI ------Recording Parameters------ [08:25:30] ExpressUI Book Type: 1 [08:25:30] ExpressUI Destination Device: ATAPI DVD DD 2X16X4X16 (Capabilities: 000AE017) [08:25:30] ExpressUI Recording Flags: 77 [08:25:30] ExpressUI Recording Speed: 0 [08:25:30] ExpressUI Volume Name: CARTOONS_3_AND_FAMILY_VIDEOS [08:25:30] ExpressUI Burn-at-once flag: 0 [08:25:30] ExpressUI Fast Update allowed: 0 [08:25:30] ExpressUI --End of recording parameters--- [08:25:31] DVDEngine C:\PROGRAM FILES\NERO\NERO 7\NERO VISION\DVDENGINE.DLL [08:25:31] DVDEngine Product Version: 4.5.0.3, File Version: 4.5.0.35, Interface Version: 4.5.0.0 [08:25:31] DVDEngine BEGIN: IDVDEngineManagerImpl - CreateDVDVideoSession [08:25:31] DVDEngine END: IDVDEngineManagerImpl - CreateDVDVideoSession [08:25:31] DVDEngine BEGIN: IDVDSessionBaseImpl - RegisterApplicationService [08:25:31] DVDEngine ..Application service registered... [08:25:31] DVDEngine END: IDVDSessionBaseImpl - RegisterApplicationService [08:25:31] DVDEngine BEGIN: IDVDSessionBaseImpl - RegisterCallback [08:25:31] DVDEngine ..Session callback registered... [08:25:31] DVDEngine END: IDVDSessionBaseImpl - RegisterCallback [08:25:31] DVDEngine BEGIN: IDVDVideoSessionImpl - Prepare [08:25:31] DVDEngine **BEGIN: _DVDVideo - Prepare [08:25:31] DVDEngine ..VTS_Ns=1... [08:25:31] DVDEngine ****BEGIN: _DVDVideoBase - Prepare VMG [08:25:31] DVDEngine ...VMGM_VOBS_exist = true [08:25:31] DVDEngine ******BEGIN: VMGM_VOBS - Process Create [08:25:31] DVDEngine ********BEGIN: _VOBS - Process VOB [08:25:31] DVDEngine **********BEGIN: _VOBS - _M_analyze_cnv_input [08:25:31] DVDEngine ...Duration 333667 [08:25:31] DVDEngine ..._streamtime_frame_duration is 333667 [08:25:31] DVDEngine ...This is a still stream [08:25:31] DVDEngine ...Stream 0 is 'Video' [08:25:31] DVDEngine ...Stream 1 is 'System/Stream' [08:25:31] DVDEngine **********END: _VOBS - _M_analyze_cnv_input [08:25:31] NeroVision Analyze video stream [08:25:31] NeroVision Seg. | frames | weight | volume [08:25:31] NeroVision ------+---------+--------+-------- [08:25:31] NeroVision 0 | 1 | 1 | 1 [08:25:31] NeroVision ------+---------+--------+-------- [08:25:31] NeroVision total : 1 [08:25:31] NeroVision Estimate Size [08:25:31] NeroVision +-------+------+--------+----------+--------- [08:25:31] NeroVision |Stream | Seg. | UnComp.| Duration | Size (KB) [08:25:31] NeroVision +-------+------+--------+----------+--------- [08:25:31] NeroVision | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0.03 | 224 [08:25:31] NeroVision | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0.03 | 0 [08:25:31] NeroVision +-------+------+--------+----------+--------- [08:25:31] NeroVision total data size : 458753 bytes [08:25:31] NeroVision multiplexed size : 475136 bytes [08:25:31] DVDEngine ********END: _VOBS - Process VOB [08:25:31] DVDEngine ******END: VMGM_VOBS - Process Create [08:25:31] DVDEngine ****END: _DVDVideoBase - Prepare VMG [08:25:31] DVDEngine ****BEGIN: _DVDVideoBase - Prepare VTS#1 [08:25:31] DVDEngine ...VTSM_VOBS_exist = false [08:25:31] DVDEngine ******BEGIN: VTSTT_VOBS#1 - Process Create [08:25:31] DVDEngine ********BEGIN: _VOBS - Process VOB [08:25:31] DVDEngine **********BEGIN: _VOBS - _M_analyze_cnv_input [08:25:31] DVDEngine ...Duration 1608942274 [08:25:31] DVDEngine ..._streamtime_frame_duration is 333667 [08:25:31] DVDEngine ...Stream 0 is 'Video' [08:25:31] DVDEngine ...Stream 1 is 'Audio' [08:25:31] DVDEngine **********END: _VOBS - _M_analyze_cnv_input [08:25:31] NeroVision Analyze video stream [08:25:31] NeroVision Seg. | frames | weight | volume [08:25:31] NeroVision ------+---------+--------+-------- [08:25:31] NeroVision 0 | 4822 | 1 | 4822 [08:25:31] NeroVision ------+---------+--------+-------- [08:25:31] NeroVision total : 4822 [08:25:31] NeroVision Estimate Size [08:25:31] NeroVision +-------+------+--------+----------+--------- [08:25:31] NeroVision |Stream | Seg. | UnComp.| Duration | Size (KB) [08:25:31] NeroVision +-------+------+--------+----------+--------- [08:25:31] NeroVision | 0 | 0 | 1 | 160.89 | 41469 [08:25:31] NeroVision | 1 | 0 | 1 | 160.89 | 30892 [08:25:31] NeroVision +-------+------+--------+----------+--------- [08:25:31] NeroVision total data size : 74326578 bytes [08:25:31] NeroVision multiplexed size : 77633536 bytes [08:25:31] MMTools SourceBuilder: building cached c:\Documents and Settings\sasha\Desktop\2006_07_04\MVI_0407.AVI video/0 [08:25:32] MMTools SourceBuilder: building cached c:\Documents and Settings\sasha\Desktop\2006_07_04\MVI_0407.AVI audio/0 [08:25:32] DVDEngine ********END: _VOBS - Process VOB [08:25:32] DVDEngine ******END: VTSTT_VOBS#1 - Process Create [08:25:32] DVDEngine ****END: _DVDVideoBase - Prepare VTS#1 [08:25:32] DVDEngine **END: _DVDVideo - Prepare [08:25:32] DVDEngine ..Estimated size=74.6 MB [08:25:32] DVDEngine ..Estimated duration=50 sec [08:25:32] DVDEngine END: IDVDVideoSessionImpl - Prepare [08:25:32] DVDEngine BEGIN: IDVDVideoSessionImpl - CreateVOBs [08:25:32] DVDEngine **BEGIN: _DVDVideo - Create [08:25:32] DVDEngine ****BEGIN: Create - VMGM_VOBS [08:25:32] DVDEngine ******BEGIN: VMGM_VOBS - Process Create [08:25:32] DVDEngine ********BEGIN: _VOBS - Process VOB [08:25:32] DVDEngine **********BEGIN: _VOBS - _M_analyze_cnv_input [08:25:32] DVDEngine ...Duration 333667 [08:25:32] DVDEngine ..._streamtime_frame_duration is 333667 [08:25:32] DVDEngine ...This is a still stream [08:25:32] DVDEngine ...Stream 0 is 'Video' [08:25:32] DVDEngine ...Stream 1 is 'System/Stream' [08:25:32] DVDEngine **********END: _VOBS - _M_analyze_cnv_input [08:25:32] NeroVision Analyze video stream [08:25:32] NeroVision Seg. | frames | weight | volume [08:25:32] NeroVision ------+---------+--------+-------- [08:25:32] NeroVision 0 | 1 | 1 | 1 [08:25:32] NeroVision ------+---------+--------+-------- [08:25:32] NeroVision total : 1 [08:25:32] NeroVision Estimate Size [08:25:32] NeroVision +-------+------+--------+----------+--------- [08:25:32] NeroVision |Stream | Seg. | UnComp.| Duration | Size (KB) [08:25:32] NeroVision +-------+------+--------+----------+--------- [08:25:32] NeroVision | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0.03 | 224 [08:25:32] NeroVision | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0.03 | 0 [08:25:32] NeroVision +-------+------+--------+----------+--------- [08:25:32] NeroVision total data size : 458753 bytes [08:25:32] NeroVision multiplexed size : 475136 bytes [08:25:32] DVDEngine ...estimated VOB size is 240 sectors (480 KB). [08:25:32] DVDEngine **********BEGIN: IDVDEngineManagerImpl - CreateSubpictureSource [08:25:32] DVDEngine **********END: IDVDEngineManagerImpl - CreateSubpictureSource [08:25:32] DVDEngine **********BEGIN: CSPU::Process() [08:25:32] DVDEngine ...'Decoding SubPicture No.' is '0' [08:25:32] DVDEngine ..._nLines == 480 [08:25:32] DVDEngine ...Found 'bottom half' in the bottom field at bit 5824, addr. is 728 (241) [08:25:32] DVDEngine ...Detected 'top half' at 1, addr. is 2 [08:25:32] DVDEngine ...Detected 'bottom half' at 1, addr. is 728 [08:25:32] DVDEngine ...Lines processed: 480 [08:25:32] DVDEngine ...processed 1 packs [08:25:32] DVDEngine **********END: CSPU::Process() [08:25:32] DVDEngine ...New VOB 1 [08:25:32] DVDEngine ..+VOB#1: VOB_IDN=1, SA=0, VOB_V_S_PTM=33548 [08:25:32] DVDEngine ...New CELL 1 [08:25:32] DVDEngine ....+Cell#1: C_IDN=1 [08:25:32] DVDEngine BTNGR1_DSP_TY == 65916206 [08:25:32] DVDEngine ....|Cell#1: C_IDN=1, [0;53], VOBU_Ns=1, C_PBTM=00s.12 [08:25:32] DVDEngine ..|VOB#1: VOB_IDN=1, [0;53], C_Ns=1, VOB_V_S_PTM=33548, VOB_V_E_PTM=69584 [08:25:32] DVDEngine ...actual VOB size is 54 sectors (108 KB). [08:25:32] DVDEngine ********END: _VOBS - Process VOB [08:25:32] DVDEngine ********BEGIN: VMGM_VOBS - INFORMATION after Create [08:25:32] DVDEngine ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [08:25:32] DVDEngine General information: [08:25:32] DVDEngine ..size=54 (108 KB) [08:25:32] DVDEngine ..capacity=54 (108 KB) [08:25:32] DVDEngine ..max_capacity=524287 (1.00 GB) [08:25:32] DVDEngine ..VOB_Ns=1 [08:25:32] DVDEngine ..C_Ns=1 [08:25:32] DVDEngine ..VOBU_Ns=1 [08:25:32] DVDEngine VOB information: [08:25:32] DVDEngine ...VOB#1: VOB_IDN=1, [0;53], C_Ns=1, VOB_V_S_PTM=33548, VOB_V_E_PTM=69584 [08:25:32] DVDEngine .....Cell#1: C_IDN=1, [0;53], VOBU_Ns=1, C_PBTM=00s.12 [08:25:32] DVDEngine ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [08:25:32] DVDEngine ********END: VMGM_VOBS - INFORMATION after Create [08:25:32] DVDEngine ******END: VMGM_VOBS - Process Create [08:25:32] DVDEngine ******BEGIN: VMGM_VOBS - Verify [08:25:32] DVDEngine ******END: VMGM_VOBS - Verify [08:25:32] DVDEngine ..VMGM_VOBS: size=108 KB (110,592 bytes) [08:25:32] DVDEngine ****END: Create - VMGM_VOBS [08:25:32] DVDEngine ****BEGIN: Create - VTSTT_VOBS#1 [08:25:32] DVDEngine ******BEGIN: VTSTT_VOBS#1 - Process Create [08:25:32] DVDEngine ********BEGIN: _VOBS - Process VOB [08:25:32] DVDEngine **********BEGIN: _VOBS - _M_analyze_cnv_input [08:25:32] DVDEngine ...Duration 1608942274 [08:25:32] DVDEngine ..._streamtime_frame_duration is 333667 [08:25:32] DVDEngine ...Stream 0 is 'Video' [08:25:32] DVDEngine ...Stream 1 is 'Audio' [08:25:32] DVDEngine **********END: _VOBS - _M_analyze_cnv_input [08:25:32] NeroVision Analyze video stream [08:25:32] NeroVision Seg. | frames | weight | volume [08:25:32] NeroVision ------+---------+--------+-------- [08:25:32] NeroVision 0 | 4822 | 1 | 4822 [08:25:32] NeroVision ------+---------+--------+-------- [08:25:32] NeroVision total : 4822 [08:25:32] NeroVision Estimate Size [08:25:32] NeroVision +-------+------+--------+----------+--------- [08:25:32] NeroVision |Stream | Seg. | UnComp.| Duration | Size (KB) [08:25:32] NeroVision +-------+------+--------+----------+--------- [08:25:32] NeroVision | 0 | 0 | 1 | 160.89 | 41469 [08:25:32] NeroVision | 1 | 0 | 1 | 160.89 | 30892 [08:25:32] NeroVision +-------+------+--------+----------+--------- [08:25:32] NeroVision total data size : 74326578 bytes [08:25:32] NeroVision multiplexed size : 77633536 bytes [08:25:32] DVDEngine ...estimated VOB size is 37920 sectors (74.1 MB). [08:25:32] NeroVision Set Preview Channel [08:25:32] NeroVision Set Preview Channel [08:25:32] MMTools SourceBuilder: building cached c:\Documents and Settings\sasha\Desktop\2006_07_04\MVI_0407.AVI audio/0 [08:25:32] MMTools SourceBuilder: building cached c:\Documents and Settings\sasha\Desktop\2006_07_04\MVI_0407.AVI video/0 [08:25:32] DVDEngine ...New VOB 1 [08:25:32] DVDEngine ..+VOB#1: VOB_IDN=1, SA=0, VOB_V_S_PTM=26965 [08:25:32] DVDEngine ...New CELL 1 [08:25:32] DVDEngine ....+Cell#1: C_IDN=1 [08:25:52] MMTools SourceBuilder: building cached c:\Documents and Settings\sasha\Desktop\2006_07_04\MVI_0408.AVI video/0 [08:25:52] MMTools SourceBuilder: building cached c:\Documents and Settings\sasha\Desktop\2006_07_04\MVI_0408.AVI audio/0 [08:26:20] DVDEngine ....|Cell#1: C_IDN=1, [0;36604], VOBU_Ns=322, C_PBTM=02m40s.22 [08:26:20] DVDEngine ..|VOB#1: VOB_IDN=1, [0;36604], C_Ns=1, VOB_V_S_PTM=26965, VOB_V_E_PTM=14507431 [08:26:22] DVDEngine ...actual VOB size is 36605 sectors (71.5 MB). [08:26:22] DVDEngine ********END: _VOBS - Process VOB [08:26:22] DVDEngine ********BEGIN: VTSTT_VOBS#1 - INFORMATION after Create [08:26:22] DVDEngine ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [08:26:22] DVDEngine General information: [08:26:22] DVDEngine ..size=36605 (71.5 MB) [08:26:22] DVDEngine ..capacity=36605 (71.5 MB) [08:26:22] DVDEngine ..VOB_Ns=1 [08:26:22] DVDEngine ..C_Ns=1 [08:26:22] DVDEngine ..VOBU_Ns=322 [08:26:22] DVDEngine VOB information: [08:26:22] DVDEngine ...VOB#1: VOB_IDN=1, [0;36604], C_Ns=1, VOB_V_S_PTM=26965, VOB_V_E_PTM=14507431 [08:26:22] DVDEngine .....Cell#1: C_IDN=1, [0;36604], VOBU_Ns=322, C_PBTM=02m40s.22 [08:26:22] DVDEngine ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [08:26:22] DVDEngine ********END: VTSTT_VOBS#1 - INFORMATION after Create [08:26:22] DVDEngine ******END: VTSTT_VOBS#1 - Process Create [08:26:22] DVDEngine ******BEGIN: VTSTT_VOBS#1 - Verify [08:26:22] DVDEngine ******END: VTSTT_VOBS#1 - Verify [08:26:22] DVDEngine ..VTSTT_VOBS: size=71.5 MB (74,967,040 bytes) [08:26:22] DVDEngine ****END: Create - VTSTT_VOBS#1 [08:26:22] DVDEngine **END: _DVDVideo - Create [08:26:22] DVDEngine END: IDVDVideoSessionImpl - CreateVOBs [08:26:22] DVDEngine BEGIN: IDVDVideoSessionImpl - CreateDesc [08:26:22] DVDEngine **BEGIN: _DVDVideo - Create [08:26:22] DVDEngine ****BEGIN: Create - VTSI#1 [08:26:22] DVDEngine ******BEGIN: VTSI#1 - Create [08:26:22] DVDEngine ...VTSM_VOBS exists = false [08:26:22] DVDEngine ...VTSM_PGCI_UT exists = true [08:26:22] DVDEngine ...VTS_TMAPT exists = true [08:26:22] DVDEngine ...VTSI_MAT created... [08:26:22] DVDEngine ...VTS_PTT_SRPT created... [08:26:22] DVDEngine ...VTS_PGCIT created... [08:26:22] DVDEngine ...VTS_C_ADT created... [08:26:22] DVDEngine ...VTS_VOBU_ADMAP created... [08:26:22] DVDEngine ...VTSM_PGCI_UT created... [08:26:22] DVDEngine ...VTS_TMAPT created... [08:26:22] DVDEngine ******END: VTSI#1 - Create [08:26:22] DVDEngine ******BEGIN: VTSI#1 - Verify [08:26:22] DVDEngine ******END: VTSI#1 - Verify [08:26:22] DVDEngine ..VTSI: size=14.0 KB (14,336 bytes) [08:26:22] DVDEngine ****END: Create - VTSI#1 [08:26:22] DVDEngine ****BEGIN: Create - VMGI [08:26:22] DVDEngine ******BEGIN: VMGI - Create [08:26:22] DVDEngine ...VMGM_VOBS exists = true [08:26:22] DVDEngine ...VMGM_PGCI_UT exists = true [08:26:22] DVDEngine ...PTL_MAIT exists = false [08:26:22] DVDEngine ...TXTDT_MG exists = false [08:26:22] DVDEngine ...FP_PGC_exist = true... [08:26:22] DVDEngine ...FP_PGC2_exist = false... [08:26:22] DVDEngine ...VMGI_MAT created... [08:26:22] DVDEngine ...TT_SRPT created... [08:26:22] DVDEngine ...VTS_ATRT created... [08:26:22] DVDEngine ...VMGM_PGCI_UT created... [08:26:22] DVDEngine ...VMGM_C_ADT created... [08:26:22] DVDEngine ...VMGM_VOBU_ADMAP created... [08:26:22] DVDEngine ******END: VMGI - Create [08:26:22] DVDEngine ******BEGIN: VMGI - Verify [08:26:22] DVDEngine ******END: VMGI - Verify [08:26:22] DVDEngine ..VMGI: size=12.0 KB (12,288 bytes) [08:26:22] DVDEngine ****END: Create - VMGI [08:26:22] DVDEngine **END: _DVDVideo - Create [08:26:22] DVDEngine END: IDVDVideoSessionImpl - CreateDesc [08:26:22] DVDEngine BEGIN: IDVDSessionBaseImpl - GetDiscCaps [08:26:22] DVDEngine ..Caps=DSCCAP_VLMNM_UDF | DSCCAP_VLMNM_ISO9660 [08:26:22] DVDEngine END: IDVDSessionBaseImpl - GetDiscCaps [08:26:22] DVDEngine BEGIN: IDVDVideoSessionImpl - GetDiscContent [08:26:22] DVDEngine **BEGIN: _DVDVideo - Fill FileSystemDescContainer [08:26:22] DVDEngine ..File: 'VIDEO_TS\VIDEO_TS.IFO' (VMGI), location={undefined}, size=12.0 KB (12,288 bytes) [08:26:22] DVDEngine ..File: 'VIDEO_TS\VIDEO_TS.VOB' (VMGM_VOBS), location={undefined}, size=108 KB (110,592 bytes) [08:26:22] DVDEngine ..File: 'VIDEO_TS\VIDEO_TS.BUP' (VMGI), location={undefined}, size=12.0 KB (12,288 bytes) [08:26:22] DVDEngine ..File: 'VIDEO_TS\VTS_01_0.IFO' (VTSI), location={undefined}, size=14.0 KB (14,336 bytes) [08:26:22] DVDEngine ..File: 'VIDEO_TS\VTS_01_1.VOB' (VTSTT_VOBS), location={undefined}, size=71.5 MB (74,967,040 bytes) [08:26:22] DVDEngine ..File: 'VIDEO_TS\VTS_01_0.BUP' (VTSI), location={undefined}, size=14.0 KB (14,336 bytes) [08:26:22] DVDEngine **END: _DVDVideo - Fill FileSystemDescContainer [08:26:22] DVDEngine END: IDVDVideoSessionImpl - GetDiscContent [08:26:22] DVDEngine BEGIN: IDVDSessionBaseImpl - RegisterCallback [08:26:22] DVDEngine ..Session callback unregistered... [08:26:22] DVDEngine END: IDVDSessionBaseImpl - RegisterCallback [08:26:22] NeroVision DVD-Video files sorted [08:26:23] NeroVision Caching of files started [08:26:23] NeroVision Caching of files completed [08:26:23] NeroVision Speed measurement started [08:26:23] DVDEngine BEGIN: VMGM_VOBS - Write [08:26:23] DVDEngine ...RBP=0, count=110,592 bytes [08:26:23] DVDEngine ...succeeded [08:26:23] DVDEngine END: VMGM_VOBS - Write [08:26:23] DVDEngine BEGIN: VTSTT_VOBS#1 - Write [08:26:23] DVDEngine ...RBP=0, count=74,967,040 bytes [08:26:24] DVDEngine ...succeeded [08:26:24] DVDEngine END: VTSTT_VOBS#1 - Write [08:26:24] NeroVision Speed measurement completed: 682.7x (942,176 KB/s) [08:26:24] NeroVision Burn process started at 12x (16,620 KB/s) [08:26:24] NeroVision Book Type automatically set to: DVD-ROM [08:26:24] DVDEngine BEGIN: VMGM_VOBS - Write [08:26:24] DVDEngine ...RBP=0, count=110,592 bytes [08:26:24] DVDEngine ...succeeded [08:26:24] DVDEngine END: VMGM_VOBS - Write [08:26:24] DVDEngine BEGIN: VTSTT_VOBS#1 - Write [08:26:24] DVDEngine ...RBP=0, count=74,967,040 bytes [08:26:26] DVDEngine ...succeeded [08:26:26] DVDEngine END: VTSTT_VOBS#1 - Write [08:27:09] NeroVision Session fixation error [08:27:09] NeroVision D: ATAPI DVD DD 2X16X4X16 [08:27:09] NeroVision Generating DVD high compatibility borders [08:27:09] NeroVision Session fixation error [08:27:09] NeroVision D: ATAPI DVD DD 2X16X4X16 [08:27:09] NeroVision Could not perform end of Disc-at-once [08:27:09] NeroVision Burn process failed at 12x (16,620 KB/s) [08:27:12] NeroVision Process information: [08:27:12] NeroVision -------------------- [08:27:12] NeroVision Address Version Module name [08:27:12] NeroVision ----------------------------------------------------- [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x00330000 4.5.0.15 C:\Program Files\Nero\Nero 7\Nero Vision\GCCore.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x003C0000 4.5.0.15 C:\Program Files\Nero\Nero 7\Nero Vision\AMCDOM.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x003D0000 4.5.0.15 C:\Program Files\Nero\Nero 7\Nero Vision\GDIPainter.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x00400000 4.5.0.15 C:\Program Files\Nero\Nero 7\Nero Vision\NeroVision.exe [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x00450000 4.5.0.15 C:\Program Files\Nero\Nero 7\Nero Vision\GCLib.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x004E0000 4.5.0.15 C:\Program Files\Nero\Nero 7\Nero Vision\AMCDocBase.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x006D0000 4.5.0.15 C:\Program Files\Nero\Nero 7\Nero Vision\MMTools.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x00740000 4.5.0.15 C:\Program Files\Nero\Nero 7\Nero Vision\AMCUIBase.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x00970000 4.5.0.15 C:\Program Files\Nero\Nero 7\Nero Vision\AMCLib.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x011D0000 7.0.46.0 C:\WINDOWS\system32\IMAGXPR7.DLL [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x01250000 7.0.46.0 C:\WINDOWS\system32\ImagX7.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x01410000 7.0.476.0 C:\WINDOWS\system32\ImagXR7.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x01780000 3.10.0.5900 C:\Program Files\Common Files\Ahead\Lib\AdvrCntr2.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x01C30000 2.3.10.0 C:\Program Files\Common Files\Ahead\Lib\ShellManager.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x01DF0000 4.5.0.15 C:\Program Files\Nero\Nero 7\Nero Vision\GCFX.DLL [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x02080000 1.1.0.865 C:\Program Files\Nero\Nero 7\Nero Vision\NeVideoFX.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x02300000 1.0.0.3 C:\Program Files\Nero\Nero 7\Nero Vision\NeVideoFX.bitmaps [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x02F40000 6.14.10.3847 C:\WINDOWS\system32\ialmgicd.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x03220000 6.14.10.3847 C:\WINDOWS\system32\ialmgdev.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x04680000 5.1.2600.2180 C:\WINDOWS\system32\xpsp2res.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x04B50000 4.0.1.7 C:\Program Files\Common Files\Ahead\Lib\GCHW.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x05130000 7.2.0.3 C:\Program Files\Nero\Nero 7\Core\NeRSDB.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x05150000 7.2.0.3 C:\Program Files\Nero\Nero 7\Core\ISOFS.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x05490000 7.2.0.3 C:\Program Files\Nero\Nero 7\Core\NeroAPI.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x06090000 7.2.0.3 C:\Program Files\Nero\Nero 7\Core\CDCopy.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x060C0000 7.2.0.3 C:\Program Files\Nero\Nero 7\Core\newtrf.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x06100000 7.2.0.3 C:\Program Files\Nero\Nero 7\Core\NeroErr.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x06120000 7.2.0.3 C:\Program Files\Nero\Nero 7\Core\image.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x06140000 1.0.0.18 C:\Program Files\Common Files\Ahead\Lib\DriveLocker.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x06370000 7.2.0.3 C:\Program Files\Nero\Nero 7\Core\MMC.DLL [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x06710000 4.5.0.15 C:\Program Files\Nero\Nero 7\Nero Vision\ExpressUI.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x06AE0000 4.5.0.15 C:\Program Files\Nero\Nero 7\Nero Vision\GCHWCfg.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x06B10000 4.5.0.15 C:\Program Files\Nero\Nero 7\Nero Vision\GCLocale.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x06B20000 4.5.0.15 C:\Program Files\Nero\Nero 7\Nero Vision\ExpressDoc.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x07630000 4.5.0.15 C:\Program Files\Nero\Nero 7\Nero Vision\DVDUI.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x07C50000 4.5.0.15 C:\Program Files\Common Files\Ahead\Lib\GCCapture.ax [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x07F40000 4.5.0.15 C:\Program Files\Nero\Nero 7\Nero Vision\GCFilter.ax [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x07FE0000 1.8.8.0 C:\Program Files\Common Files\Ahead\DSFilter\NeSplitter.ax [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x080E0000 1.2.6.0 C:\Program Files\Common Files\Ahead\DSFilter\NeAudioConv.ax [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x08120000 2.0.24.0 C:\Program Files\Common Files\Ahead\DSFilter\NeVideo.ax [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x08720000 1.0.0.11 C:\Program Files\Common Files\Ahead\Lib\MultiChannel.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x087D0000 1.1.1.0 C:\Program Files\Common Files\Ahead\DSFilter\NeResize.ax [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x087F0000 1.0.0.80 C:\Program Files\Common Files\Ahead\DSFilter\NeroVideoProc.ax [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x08E60000 1.2.0.6 C:\Program Files\Common Files\Ahead\Lib\NeroFileDialog.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x08F40000 7.10.3077.0 C:\Program Files\Common Files\Ahead\Lib\MFC71U.DLL [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x09050000 8.0.0.0 C:\Program Files\Common Files\Ahead\Lib\BCGCBPRO800u.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x09310000 3.525.1117.0 C:\WINDOWS\system32\odbcint.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x09560000 8.0.3.1112 C:\Program Files\Logitech\Video\Namespc2.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x09590000 8.0.3.1112 C:\Program Files\Logitech\Video\AlbuDBps.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x096E0000 5.2.3802.3802 C:\WINDOWS\system32\Audiodev.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x09760000 10.0.0.4332 C:\WINDOWS\system32\WMASF.DLL [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x097A0000 1.2.0.6 C:\Program Files\Common Files\Ahead\Lib\NMVDS.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x097E0000 1.2.0.6 C:\Program Files\Common Files\Ahead\Lib\NMSearchPluginWeb.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x09850000 1.2.0.6 C:\Program Files\Common Files\Ahead\Lib\NMSearch.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x098A0000 1.2.0.6 C:\Program Files\Common Files\Ahead\Lib\MediaLibraryNSE.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x09940000 1.2.0.6 C:\Program Files\Common Files\Ahead\Lib\NMLogCxx.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x09950000 1.2.0.6 C:\Program Files\Common Files\Ahead\Lib\NMSearchPluginMediaLibrary.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x09980000 10.0.0.4332 C:\WINDOWS\system32\WMVCore.DLL [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x09BC0000 4.5.0.15 C:\Program Files\Nero\Nero 7\Nero Vision\DVDDoc.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x09C50000 4.5.0.15 C:\Program Files\Nero\Nero 7\Nero Vision\DVDLib.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x09FC0000 1.2.0.6 C:\Program Files\Common Files\Ahead\Lib\NMDataServices.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x0A0C0000 1.2.0.6 C:\Program Files\Common Files\Ahead\Lib\NeroSearch.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x0A290000 1.0.0.0 C:\Program Files\Common Files\Ahead\Lib\log4cxx.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x0A350000 1.2.0.6 C:\Program Files\Common Files\Ahead\Lib\NMCoFoundation.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x0A5D0000 1.2.0.6 C:\Program Files\Common Files\Ahead\Lib\NMIndexStoreSvrPS.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x0A710000 2.0.4.0 C:\Program Files\Common Files\Ahead\DSFilter\NeroFormatConv.ax [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x0A7F0000 1.2.0.6 C:\Program Files\Common 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NeroVision 0x5A500000 8.0.792.0 C:\Program Files\MSN Messenger\fsshext.8.0.0792.00.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x5AD70000 6.0.2900.2180 C:\WINDOWS\system32\uxtheme.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x5B860000 5.1.2600.2180 C:\WINDOWS\system32\NETAPI32.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x5CAD0000 6.0.2900.2180 C:\WINDOWS\system32\shmedia.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x5D360000 7.10.3077.0 C:\WINDOWS\system32\MFC71ENU.DLL [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x5E030000 5.3.2600.2180 C:\WINDOWS\system32\ksproxy.ax [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x5ED00000 5.1.2600.2180 C:\WINDOWS\system32\OPENGL32.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x60CA0000 6.5.2600.2180 C:\WINDOWS\system32\qedit.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x662B0000 5.1.2600.2180 C:\WINDOWS\system32\hnetcfg.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x663C0000 5.1.2600.0 C:\WINDOWS\system32\IPROP.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x68B20000 5.1.2600.2180 C:\WINDOWS\system32\GLU32.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x69B10000 4.20.9818.0 C:\WINDOWS\system32\msxml4.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x71A50000 5.1.2600.2180 C:\WINDOWS\System32\mswsock.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x71A90000 5.1.2600.2180 C:\WINDOWS\System32\wshtcpip.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x71AA0000 5.1.2600.2180 C:\WINDOWS\system32\WS2HELP.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x71AB0000 5.1.2600.2180 C:\WINDOWS\system32\WS2_32.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x71AD0000 5.1.2600.2180 C:\WINDOWS\system32\WSOCK32.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x71B20000 5.1.2600.2180 C:\WINDOWS\system32\MPR.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x71BF0000 5.1.2600.2180 C:\WINDOWS\System32\SAMLIB.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x71C10000 5.1.2600.2180 C:\WINDOWS\System32\ntlanman.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x71C80000 5.1.2600.2180 C:\WINDOWS\System32\NETRAP.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x71C90000 5.1.2600.2180 C:\WINDOWS\System32\NETUI1.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x71CD0000 5.1.2600.2180 C:\WINDOWS\System32\NETUI0.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x722B0000 5.1.2600.2180 C:\WINDOWS\system32\sensapi.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x72D10000 5.1.2600.0 C:\WINDOWS\system32\msacm32.drv [08:27:12] NeroVision 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NeroVision 0x74320000 3.525.1117.0 C:\WINDOWS\system32\ODBC32.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x74810000 6.5.2600.2749 C:\WINDOWS\system32\QUARTZ.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x74AD0000 6.0.2900.2180 C:\WINDOWS\system32\POWRPROF.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x74AE0000 5.1.2600.2180 C:\WINDOWS\system32\CFGMGR32.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x74E30000 5.0.0.0 C:\WINDOWS\system32\RICHED20.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x74ED0000 5.1.2600.2180 C:\WINDOWS\system32\wbem\wbemsvc.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x74EF0000 5.1.2600.2180 C:\WINDOWS\system32\wbem\wbemprox.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x75290000 5.1.2600.2180 C:\WINDOWS\system32\wbem\wbemcomn.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x754D0000 5.131.2600.2180 C:\WINDOWS\system32\CRYPTUI.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x75690000 5.1.2600.2180 C:\WINDOWS\system32\wbem\fastprox.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x75970000 5.1.2600.2180 C:\WINDOWS\system32\MSGINA.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x75A70000 5.1.2600.2180 C:\WINDOWS\system32\MSVFW32.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x75F40000 6.5.2600.2180 C:\WINDOWS\system32\devenum.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x75F60000 5.1.2600.2180 C:\WINDOWS\System32\drprov.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x75F70000 5.1.2600.2180 C:\WINDOWS\System32\davclnt.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x75F80000 6.0.2900.2904 C:\WINDOWS\system32\browseui.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x76080000 6.2.3104.0 C:\WINDOWS\system32\MSVCP60.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x76360000 5.1.2600.2180 C:\WINDOWS\system32\WINSTA.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x76380000 5.1.2600.2180 C:\WINDOWS\system32\MSIMG32.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x763B0000 6.0.2900.2180 C:\WINDOWS\system32\comdlg32.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x76600000 5.1.2600.2180 C:\WINDOWS\System32\CSCDLL.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x76780000 6.0.2900.2180 C:\WINDOWS\system32\SHFOLDER.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x767A0000 5.1.2600.2180 C:\WINDOWS\system32\NTDSAPI.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x76980000 5.1.2600.2751 C:\WINDOWS\system32\LINKINFO.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x76990000 5.1.2600.2180 C:\WINDOWS\system32\ntshrui.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x769C0000 5.1.2600.2180 C:\WINDOWS\system32\USERENV.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x76B20000 6.5.0.2284 C:\WINDOWS\system32\ATL.DLL [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x76B40000 5.1.2600.2180 C:\WINDOWS\system32\WINMM.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x76C30000 5.131.2600.2180 C:\WINDOWS\system32\WINTRUST.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x76C90000 5.1.2600.2180 C:\WINDOWS\system32\IMAGEHLP.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x76D60000 5.1.2600.2180 C:\WINDOWS\system32\iphlpapi.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x76E80000 5.1.2600.2180 C:\WINDOWS\system32\rtutils.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x76E90000 5.1.2600.2180 C:\WINDOWS\system32\rasman.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x76EB0000 5.1.2600.2180 C:\WINDOWS\system32\TAPI32.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x76EE0000 5.1.2600.2180 C:\WINDOWS\system32\RASAPI32.DLL [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x76F20000 5.1.2600.2180 C:\WINDOWS\system32\DNSAPI.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x76F60000 5.1.2600.2180 C:\WINDOWS\system32\WLDAP32.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x76FB0000 5.1.2600.2180 C:\WINDOWS\System32\winrnr.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x76FC0000 5.1.2600.2180 C:\WINDOWS\system32\rasadhlp.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x76FD0000 3.0.0.4414 C:\WINDOWS\system32\CLBCATQ.DLL [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x77050000 3.0.0.4414 C:\WINDOWS\system32\COMRes.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x77120000 5.1.2600.2180 C:\WINDOWS\system32\OLEAUT32.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x771B0000 6.0.2900.2904 C:\WINDOWS\system32\WININET.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x77260000 6.0.2900.2904 C:\WINDOWS\system32\urlmon.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x773D0000 6.0.2900.2180 C:\WINDOWS\WinSxS\X86_Microsoft.Windows.Common-Controls_6595b64144ccf1df_6.0.2600.2180_x-ww_a84f1ff9\COMCTL32.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x774E0000 5.1.2600.2726 C:\WINDOWS\system32\ole32.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x77760000 6.0.2900.2919 C:\WINDOWS\system32\shdocvw.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x77920000 5.1.2600.2180 C:\WINDOWS\system32\SETUPAPI.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x77A20000 5.1.2600.2180 C:\WINDOWS\System32\cscui.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x77A80000 5.131.2600.2180 C:\WINDOWS\system32\CRYPT32.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x77B20000 5.1.2600.2180 C:\WINDOWS\system32\MSASN1.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x77B40000 5.1.2600.2180 C:\WINDOWS\system32\appHelp.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x77BD0000 5.1.2600.2180 C:\WINDOWS\system32\midimap.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x77BE0000 5.1.2600.2180 C:\WINDOWS\system32\MSACM32.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x77C00000 5.1.2600.2180 C:\WINDOWS\system32\VERSION.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x77C10000 6.1.8638.2180 C:\WINDOWS\system32\msvcrt.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x77C70000 5.1.2600.2180 C:\WINDOWS\system32\msv1_0.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x77D40000 5.1.2600.2622 C:\WINDOWS\system32\USER32.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x77DD0000 5.1.2600.2180 C:\WINDOWS\system32\ADVAPI32.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x77E70000 5.1.2600.2180 C:\WINDOWS\system32\RPCRT4.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x77F10000 5.1.2600.2818 C:\WINDOWS\system32\GDI32.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x77F60000 6.0.2900.2904 C:\WINDOWS\system32\SHLWAPI.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x77FE0000 5.1.2600.2180 C:\WINDOWS\system32\Secur32.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x78130000 8.0.50727.91 C:\WINDOWS\WinSxS\x86_Microsoft.VC80.CRT_1fc8b3b9a1e18e3b_8.0.50727.91_x-ww_0de56c07\MSVCR80.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x7C140000 7.10.3077.0 C:\Program Files\Nero\Nero 7\Nero Vision\MFC71.DLL [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x7C340000 7.10.3052.4 C:\Program Files\Nero\Nero 7\Nero Vision\MSVCR71.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x7C3A0000 7.10.3077.0 C:\Program Files\Nero\Nero 7\Nero Vision\MSVCP71.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x7C800000 5.1.2600.2180 C:\WINDOWS\system32\kernel32.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x7C900000 5.1.2600.2180 C:\WINDOWS\system32\ntdll.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x7C9C0000 6.0.2900.2869 C:\WINDOWS\system32\SHELL32.dll [08:27:12] NeroVision Book type: 'Automatic' [08:27:12] NeroVision Properties of your project: [08:27:12] NeroVision Video mode: NTSC [08:27:12] NeroVision Aspect ratio: Automatic [08:27:12] NeroVision Quality: Automatic (fit to disc) (0 kbit/s) [08:27:12] NeroVision Media type: DVD (4700000000 bytes maximum capacity) [08:27:12] NeroVision Total space used: 0.08 out of 4.38 GB (Quality: Excellent) [08:27:12] NeroVision Space used for menus: 0.5 out of 1024.0 MB [08:27:12] NeroVision Your project contains the following: [08:27:12] NeroVision Audio format: LPCM [08:27:12] NeroVision Sample format: Automatic [08:27:12] NeroVision Encoding mode: Fast Encoding (1-Pass) [08:27:12] NeroVision Nero SmartEncoding: Automatic [08:27:12] NeroVision Number of titles: 1 [08:27:12] NeroVision 1. Title 1 (Video Title, 0h 02m 40s) [08:27:12] NeroVision - Audio SmartEncoding ratio: 0.0 % [08:27:12] NeroVision - Video SmartEncoding ratio: 0.0 % [08:27:12] NeroVision Number of menus: 1 [08:27:12] NeroVision - Main menu (1 page) [08:27:12] NeroVision 1C82-803M-19E5-MAAX-4009-CC2E-646K [08:27:12] NeroVision Windows XP 5.1 [08:27:12] NeroVision IA32 [08:27:12] NeroVision WinAspi: - [08:27:12] NeroVision ahead WinASPI: File 'C:\Program Files\Nero\Nero 7\Core\Wnaspi32.dll': Ver=2.0.1.74, size=164112 bytes, created 11/2/2004 1:54:32 PM [08:27:12] NeroVision NT-SPTI used [08:27:12] NeroVision Nero API version: 7.2.0.3 [08:27:12] NeroVision Using interface version: 7.0.5.6 [08:27:12] NeroVision Installed in: C:\Program Files\Nero\Nero 7\Core\ [08:27:12] NeroVision Application: ahead\NeroVision [08:27:12] NeroVision Internal Version: 7, 2, 0, 3 [08:27:12] NeroVision Recorder: <ATAPI DVD DD 2X16X4X16> Version: G7H9 - HA 1 TA 0 - 7.2.0.3 [08:27:12] NeroVision Adapter driver: <IDE> HA 1 [08:27:12] NeroVision Drive buffer : 2048kB [08:27:12] NeroVision Bus Type : default (0) -> ATAPI, detected: ? [08:27:12] NeroVision === Scsi-Device-Map === [08:27:12] NeroVision CdRomPeripheral : ATAPI DVD DD 2X16X4X16 atapi Port 0 ID 0 DMA: On [08:27:12] NeroVision DiskPeripheral : WDC WD1600JD-40GBB2 atapi Port 2 ID 0 DMA: On [08:27:12] NeroVision === CDRom-Device-Map === [08:27:12] NeroVision ATAPI DVD DD 2X16X4X16 D: CDRom0 [08:27:12] NeroVision ======================= [08:27:12] NeroVision AutoRun : 1 [08:27:12] NeroVision Excluded drive IDs: [08:27:12] NeroVision WriteBufferSize: 73400320 (0) Byte [08:27:12] NeroVision BUFE : 0 [08:27:12] NeroVision Physical memory : 502MB (514796kB) [08:27:12] NeroVision Free physical memory: 81MB (83452kB) [08:27:12] NeroVision Memory in use : 83 % [08:27:12] NeroVision Uncached PFiles: 0x0 [08:27:12] NeroVision Use Inquiry : 1 [08:27:12] NeroVision Global Bus Type: default (0) [08:27:12] NeroVision Check supported media : Disabled (0) [08:27:12] NeroVision 8.7.2006 [08:27:12] NeroVision NeroAPI [08:27:12] NeroVision 8:26:22 AM#1 Phase 111 File APIProgress.cpp, Line 278 [08:27:12] NeroVision DVD-Video files sorted [08:27:12] NeroVision [08:27:12] NeroVision 8:26:22 AM#2 Text 0 File ThreadedTransfer.cpp, Line 531 [08:27:12] NeroVision ReadBuffer-Pipe got 262144KB of Memory [08:27:12] NeroVision [08:27:12] NeroVision 8:26:22 AM#3 Text 0 File Reader.cpp, Line 124 [08:27:12] NeroVision Reader running [08:27:12] NeroVision [08:27:12] NeroVision 8:26:22 AM#4 Text 0 File Writer.cpp, Line 113 [08:27:12] NeroVision Writer D: ATAPI DVD DD 2X16X4X16 running [08:27:12] NeroVision [08:27:12] NeroVision 8:26:22 AM#5 ISO9660GEN -11 File Geniso.cpp, Line 3312 [08:27:12] NeroVision First writeable address = 0 (0x00000000) [08:27:12] NeroVision [08:27:12] NeroVision 8:26:22 AM#6 ISO9660GEN -11 File Geniso.cpp, Line 3312 [08:27:12] NeroVision First writeable address = 0 (0x00000000) [08:27:12] NeroVision [08:27:12] NeroVision 8:26:22 AM#7 Text 0 File Burncd.cpp, Line 3365 [08:27:12] NeroVision Turn on Disc-At-Once, using DVD media [08:27:12] NeroVision [08:27:12] NeroVision 8:26:23 AM#8 Text 0 File DlgWaitCD.cpp, Line 289 [08:27:12] NeroVision Last possible write address on media: 2295103 (510:01.28, 4482MB) [08:27:12] NeroVision Last address to be written: 37215 ( 8:16.15, 72MB) [08:27:12] NeroVision [08:27:12] NeroVision 8:26:23 AM#9 Text 0 File DlgWaitCD.cpp, Line 301 [08:27:12] NeroVision Write in overburning mode: NO (enabled: CD) [08:27:12] NeroVision [08:27:12] NeroVision 8:26:23 AM#10 Text 0 File DlgWaitCD.cpp, Line 2715 [08:27:12] NeroVision Recorder: ATAPI DVD DD 2X16X4X16, Media type: DVD+R [08:27:12] NeroVision [08:27:12] NeroVision 8:26:23 AM#11 Text 0 File DlgWaitCD.cpp, Line 473 [08:27:12] NeroVision >>> Protocol of DlgWaitCD activities: <<< [08:27:12] NeroVision ========================================= [08:27:12] NeroVision [08:27:12] NeroVision 8:26:23 AM#12 Text 0 File ThreadedTransferInterface.cpp, Line 847 [08:27:12] NeroVision Setup items (after recorder preparation) [08:27:12] NeroVision 0: TRM_DATA_MODE1 () [08:27:12] NeroVision 2 indices, index0 (150) not provided [08:27:12] NeroVision original disc pos #0 + 37216 (37216) = #37216/8:16.16 [08:27:12] NeroVision relocatable, disc pos for caching/writing not required/ required, no patch infos [08:27:12] NeroVision -> TRM_DATA_MODE1, 2048, config 0, wanted index0 0 blocks, length 37216 blocks [D: ATAPI DVD DD 2X16X4X16] [08:27:12] NeroVision -------------------------------------------------------------- [08:27:12] NeroVision [08:27:12] NeroVision 8:26:23 AM#13 Text 0 File ThreadedTransferInterface.cpp, Line 1059 [08:27:12] NeroVision Prepare recorder [D: ATAPI DVD DD 2X16X4X16] for write in CUE-sheet-DAO [08:27:12] NeroVision DAO infos: [08:27:12] NeroVision ========== [08:27:12] NeroVision MCN: "" [08:27:12] NeroVision TOCType: 0x00; Session Closed, disc fixated [08:27:12] NeroVision Tracks 1 to 1: [08:27:12] NeroVision 1: TRM_DATA_MODE1, 2048/0x00, FilePos 0 0 76218368, ISRC "" [08:27:12] NeroVision DAO layout: [08:27:12] NeroVision =========== [08:27:12] NeroVision __Start_|____Track_|_Idx_|_CtrlAdr_|_RecDep__________ [08:27:12] NeroVision 0 | lead-in | 0 | 0x41 | 0x00 [08:27:12] NeroVision 0 | 1 | 0 | 0x41 | 0x00 [08:27:12] NeroVision 0 | 1 | 1 | 0x41 | 0x00 [08:27:12] NeroVision 37216 | lead-out | 1 | 0x41 | 0x00 [08:27:12] NeroVision [08:27:12] NeroVision 8:26:23 AM#14 Text 0 File SCSIPassThrough.cpp, Line 39 [08:27:12] NeroVision SPTILockVolume - completed successfully for FCTL_LOCK_VOLUME [08:27:12] NeroVision [08:27:12] NeroVision 8:26:23 AM#15 Text 0 File SCSIPassThrough.cpp, Line 84 [08:27:12] NeroVision SPTIDismountVolume - completed successfully for FSCTL_DISMOUNT_VOLUME [08:27:12] NeroVision [08:27:12] NeroVision 8:26:23 AM#16 Phase 24 File APIProgress.cpp, Line 278 [08:27:12] NeroVision Caching of files started [08:27:12] NeroVision [08:27:12] NeroVision 8:26:23 AM#17 Text 0 File Burncd.cpp, Line 4199 [08:27:12] NeroVision Cache writing successful. [08:27:12] NeroVision [08:27:12] NeroVision 8:26:23 AM#18 Phase 25 File APIProgress.cpp, Line 278 [08:27:12] NeroVision Caching of files completed [08:27:12] NeroVision [08:27:12] NeroVision 8:26:23 AM#19 Phase 28 File APIProgress.cpp, Line 278 [08:27:12] NeroVision Speed measurement started [08:27:12] NeroVision [08:27:12] NeroVision 8:26:23 AM#20 Text 0 File ThreadedTransferInterface.cpp, Line 2707 [08:27:12] NeroVision Verifying disc position of item 0 (relocatable, disc pos, no patch infos, orig at #0): write at #0 [08:27:12] NeroVision [08:27:12] NeroVision 8:26:24 AM#21 Text 0 File WriterStatus.cpp, Line 116 [08:27:12] NeroVision <D: ATAPI DVD DD 2X16X4X16> start writing Lead-Out at LBA 37216 (9160h), length 0 blocks [08:27:12] NeroVision [08:27:12] NeroVision 8:26:24 AM#22 Text 0 File ThreadedTransfer.cpp, Line 228 [08:27:12] NeroVision all writers idle, stopping conversion [08:27:12] NeroVision [08:27:12] NeroVision 8:26:24 AM#23 Phase 29 File APIProgress.cpp, Line 278 [08:27:12] NeroVision Speed measurement completed: 682.7x (942,176 KB/s) [08:27:12] NeroVision [08:27:12] NeroVision 8:26:24 AM#24 Phase 36 File APIProgress.cpp, Line 278 [08:27:12] NeroVision Burn process started at 12x (16,620 KB/s) [08:27:12] NeroVision [08:27:12] NeroVision 8:26:24 AM#25 Text 0 File ThreadedTransferInterface.cpp, Line 2707 [08:27:12] NeroVision Verifying disc position of item 0 (relocatable, disc pos, no patch infos, orig at #0): write at #0 [08:27:12] NeroVision [08:27:12] NeroVision 8:26:24 AM#26 SPTI -1066 File SCSIPassThrough.cpp, Line 290 [08:27:12] NeroVision D: CdRom0: SCSIStatus(x02) WinError(0) NeroError(-1066) [08:27:12] NeroVision Sense Key: 0x05 (KEY_ILLEGAL_REQUEST) [08:27:12] NeroVision Sense Code: 0x24 [08:27:12] NeroVision Sense Qual: 0x00 [08:27:12] NeroVision CDB Data: 0xAD 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 08 04 00 00 [08:27:12] NeroVision Sense Area: 0x70 00 05 00 00 00 00 12 00 00 00 00 24 [08:27:12] NeroVision Buffer x03ed2600: Len x804 [08:27:12] NeroVision [08:27:12] NeroVision 8:26:24 AM#27 Text 0 File DVDR.cpp, Line 6541 [08:27:12] NeroVision Drive: ATAPI DVD DD 2X16X4X16 [08:27:12] NeroVision Book Type request [gen]: DVD-ROM, write to EEPROM [08:27:12] NeroVision Changing the Book Type was finished successfully, return code 0 [08:27:12] NeroVision [08:27:12] NeroVision 8:26:24 AM#28 CDR -1207 File DVDR.cpp, Line 5676 [08:27:12] NeroVision Book Type automatically set to: DVD-ROM [08:27:12] NeroVision [08:27:12] NeroVision 8:26:24 AM#29 Text 0 File DVDPlusRW.cpp, Line 666 [08:27:12] NeroVision Start write address at LBA 0 [08:27:12] NeroVision DVD high compatibility mode: Yes [08:27:12] NeroVision [08:27:12] NeroVision 8:27:09 AM#30 SPTI -1176 File SCSIPassThrough.cpp, Line 290 [08:27:12] NeroVision D: CdRom0: SCSIStatus(x02) WinError(0) NeroError(-1176) [08:27:12] NeroVision Sense Key: 0x03 (KEY_MEDIUM_ERROR) [08:27:12] NeroVision Sense Code: 0x72 [08:27:12] NeroVision Sense Qual: 0x01 [08:27:12] NeroVision CDB Data: 0x2A 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 20 00 00 00 [08:27:12] NeroVision Sense Area: 0x70 00 03 00 00 00 00 12 00 00 00 00 72 01 [08:27:12] NeroVision Buffer x089a0000: Len x10000 [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 [08:27:12] NeroVision 0x00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 [08:27:12] NeroVision [08:27:12] NeroVision 8:27:09 AM#31 CDR -1176 File Writer.cpp, Line 302 [08:27:12] NeroVision Session fixation error [08:27:12] NeroVision D: ATAPI DVD DD 2X16X4X16 [08:27:12] NeroVision [08:27:12] NeroVision 8:27:09 AM#32 Text 0 File ThreadedTransfer.cpp, Line 228 [08:27:12] NeroVision all writers idle, stopping conversion [08:27:12] NeroVision [08:27:12] NeroVision 8:27:09 AM#33 SPTI -1176 File SCSIPassThrough.cpp, Line 290 [08:27:12] NeroVision D: CdRom0: SCSIStatus(x02) WinError(0) NeroError(-1176) [08:27:12] NeroVision Sense Key: 0x05 (KEY_ILLEGAL_REQUEST) [08:27:12] NeroVision Sense Code: 0x72 [08:27:12] NeroVision Sense Qual: 0x03 [08:27:12] NeroVision CDB Data: 0x5B 01 05 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 [08:27:12] NeroVision Sense Area: 0x70 00 05 00 00 00 00 12 00 00 00 00 72 03 [08:27:12] NeroVision [08:27:12] NeroVision 8:27:09 AM#34 Phase 127 File APIProgress.cpp, Line 278 [08:27:12] NeroVision Generating DVD high compatibility borders [08:27:12] NeroVision [08:27:12] NeroVision 8:27:09 AM#35 Text 0 File DVDR.cpp, Line 6541 [08:27:12] NeroVision Drive: ATAPI DVD DD 2X16X4X16 [08:27:12] NeroVision Book Type request [gen]: DVD-ROM, write to EEPROM [08:27:12] NeroVision Changing the Book Type was finished successfully, return code 0 [08:27:12] NeroVision [08:27:12] NeroVision 8:27:09 AM#36 CDR -1176 File WriterStatus.cpp, Line 167 [08:27:12] NeroVision Session fixation error [08:27:12] NeroVision D: ATAPI DVD DD 2X16X4X16 [08:27:12] NeroVision [08:27:12] NeroVision 8:27:09 AM#37 TRANSFER -24 File WriterStatus.cpp, Line 167 [08:27:12] NeroVision Could not perform end of Disc-at-once [08:27:12] NeroVision [08:27:12] NeroVision 8:27:09 AM#38 Phase 38 File APIProgress.cpp, Line 278 [08:27:12] NeroVision Burn process failed at 12x (16,620 KB/s) [08:27:12] NeroVision [08:27:12] NeroVision Existing drivers: [08:27:12] NeroVision File 'Drivers\PXHELP20.SYS': Ver=2.03.26a, size=20576 bytes, created 5/12/2005 7:54:10 PM (Prassi/Veritas driver for win 2K) [08:27:12] NeroVision Registry Keys: [08:27:12] NeroVision HKLM\Software\Microsoft\Windows NT\CurrentVersion\WinLogon\AllocateCDROMs : 0 (Security Option)

Is this the longest joke in the world? Lost in the Desert (Author unknown) So, there’s a man crawling through the desert. He’d decided to try his SUV in a little bit of cross-country travel, had great fun zooming over the badlands and through the sand, got lost, hit a big rock, and then he couldn’t get it started again. There were no cell phone towers anywhere near, so his cell phone was useless. He had no family, his parents had died a few years before in an auto accident, and his few friends had no idea he was out here. He stayed with the car for a day or so, but his one bottle of water ran out and he was getting thirsty. He thought maybe he knew the direction back, now that he’d paid attention to the sun and thought he’d figured out which way was north, so he decided to start walking. He figured he only had to go about 30 miles or so and he’d be back to the small town he’d gotten gas in last. He thinks about walking at night to avoid the heat and sun, but based upon how dark it actually was the night before, and given that he has no flashlight, he’s afraid that he’ll break a leg or step on a rattlesnake. So, he puts on some sun block, puts the rest in his pocket for reapplication later, brings an umbrella he’d had in the back of the SUV with him to give him a little shade, pours the windshield wiper fluid into his water bottle in case he gets that desperate, brings his pocket knife in case he finds a cactus that looks like it might have water in it, and heads out in the direction he thinks is right. He walks for the entire day. By the end of the day he’s really thirsty. He’s been sweating all day, and his lips are starting to crack. He’s reapplied the sunblock twice, and tried to stay under the umbrella, but he still feels sunburned. The windshield wiper fluid sloshing in the bottle in his pocket is really getting tempting now. He knows that it’s mainly water and some ethanol and coloring, but he also knows that they add some kind of poison to it to keep people from drinking it. He wonders what the poison is, and whether the poison would be worse than dying of thirst. He pushes on, trying to get to that small town before dark. By the end of the day he starts getting worried. He figures he’s been walking at least 3 miles an hour, according to his watch for over 10 hours. That means that if his estimate was right that he should be close to the town. But he doesn’t recognize any of this. He had to cross a dry creek bed a mile or two back, and he doesn’t remember coming through it in the SUV. He figures that maybe he got his direction off just a little and that the dry creek bed was just off to one side of his path. He tells himself that he’s close, and that after dark he’ll start seeing the town lights over one of these hills, and that’ll be all he needs. As it gets dim enough that he starts stumbling over small rocks and things, he finds a spot and sits down to wait for full dark and the town lights. Full dark comes before he knows it. He must have dozed off. He stands back up and turns all the way around. He sees nothing but stars. He wakes up the next morning feeling absolutely lousy. His eyes are gummy and his mouth and nose feel like they’re full of sand. He so thirsty that he can’t even swallow. He barely got any sleep because it was so cold. He’d forgotten how cold it got at night in the desert and hadn’t noticed it the night before because he’d been in his car. He knows the Rule of Threes - three minutes without air, three days without water, three weeks without food - then you die. Some people can make it a little longer, in the best situations. But the desert heat and having to walk and sweat isn’t the best situation to be without water. He figures, unless he finds water, this is his last day. He rinses his mouth out with a little of the windshield wiper fluid. He waits a while after spitting that little bit out, to see if his mouth goes numb, or he feels dizzy or something. Has his mouth gone numb? Is it just in his mind? He’s not sure. He’ll go a little farther, and if he still doesn’t find water, he’ll try drinking some of the fluid. Then he has to face his next, harder question - which way does he go from here? Does he keep walking the same way he was yesterday (assuming that he still knows which way that is), or does he try a new direction? He has no idea what to do. Looking at the hills and dunes around him, he thinks he knows the direction he was heading before. Just going by a feeling, he points himself somewhat to the left of that, and starts walking. As he walks, the day starts heating up. The desert, too cold just a couple of hours before, soon becomes an oven again. He sweats a little at first, and then stops. He starts getting worried at that - when you stop sweating he knows that means you’re in trouble - usually right before heat stroke. He decides that it’s time to try the windshield wiper fluid. He can’t wait any longer - if he passes out, he’s dead. He stops in the shade of a large rock, takes the bottle out, opens it, and takes a mouthful. He slowly swallows it, making it last as long as he can. It feels so good in his dry and cracked throat that he doesn’t even care about the nasty taste. He takes another mouthful, and makes it last too. Slowly, he drinks half the bottle. He figures that since he’s drinking it, he might as well drink enough to make some difference and keep himself from passing out. He’s quit worrying about the denaturing of the wiper fluid. If it kills him, it kills him - if he didn’t drink it, he’d die anyway. Besides, he’s pretty sure that whatever substance they denature the fluid with is just designed to make you sick - their way of keeping winos from buying cheap wiper fluid for the ethanol content. He can handle throwing up, if it comes to that. He walks. He walks in the hot, dry, windless desert. Sand, rocks, hills, dunes, the occasional scrawny cactus or dried bush. No sign of water. Sometimes he’ll see a little movement to one side or the other, but whatever moved is usually gone before he can focus his eyes on it. Probably birds, lizards, or mice. Maybe snakes, though they usually move more at night. He’s careful to stay away from the movements. After a while, he begins to stagger. He’s not sure if it’s fatigue, heat stroke finally catching him, or maybe he was wrong and the denaturing of the wiper fluid was worse than he thought. He tries to steady himself, and keep going. After more walking, he comes to a large stretch of sand. This is good! He knows he passed over a stretch of sand in the SUV - he remembers doing donuts in it. Or at least he thinks he remembers it - he’s getting woozy enough and tired enough that he’s not sure what he remembers any more or if he’s hallucinating. But he thinks he remembers it. So he heads off into it, trying to get to the other side, hoping that it gets him closer to the town. He was heading for a town, wasn’t he? He thinks he was. He isn’t sure any more. He’s not even sure how long he’s been walking any more. Is it still morning? Or has it moved into afternoon and the sun is going down again? It must be afternoon - it seems like it’s been too long since he started out. He walks through the sand. After a while, he comes to a big dune in the sand. This is bad. He doesn’t remember any dunes when driving over the sand in his SUV. Or at least he doesn’t think he remembers any. This is bad. But, he has no other direction to go. Too late to turn back now. He figures that he’ll get to the top of the dune and see if he can see anything from there that helps him find the town. He keeps going up the dune. Halfway up, he slips in the bad footing of the sand for the second or third time, and falls to his knees. He doesn’t feel like getting back up - he’ll just fall down again. So, he keeps going up the dune on his hand and knees. While crawling, if his throat weren’t so dry, he’d laugh. He’s finally gotten to the hackneyed image of a man lost in the desert - crawling through the sand on his hands and knees. If would be the perfect image, he imagines, if only his clothes were more ragged. The people crawling through the desert in the cartoons always had ragged clothes. But his have lasted without any rips so far. Somebody will probably find his dessicated corpse half buried in the sand years from now, and his clothes will still be in fine shape -shake the sand out, and a good wash, and they’d be wearable again. He wishes his throat were wet enough to laugh. He coughs a little instead, and it hurts. He finally makes it to the top of the sand dune. Now that he’s at the top, he struggles a little, but manages to stand up and look around. All he sees is sand. Sand, and more sand. Behind him, about a mile away, he thinks he sees the rocky ground he left to head into this sand. Ahead of him, more dunes, more sand. This isn’t where he drove his SUV. This is Hell. Or close enough. Again, he doesn’t know what to do. He decides to drink the rest of the wiper fluid while figuring it out. He takes out the bottle, and is removing the cap, when he glances to the side and sees something. Something in the sand. At the bottom of the dune, off to the side, he sees something strange. It’s a flat area, in the sand. He stops taking the cap of the bottle off, and tries to look closer. The area seems to be circular. And it’s dark - darker than the sand. And, there seems to be something in the middle of it, but he can’t tell what it is. He looks as hard as he can, and still can tell from here. He’s going to have to go down there and look. He puts the bottle back in his pocket, and starts to stumble down the dune. After a few steps, he realizes that he’s in trouble - he’s not going to be able to keep his balance. After a couple of more sliding, tottering steps, he falls and starts to roll down the dune. The sand it so hot when his body hits it that for a minute he thinks he’s caught fire on the way down - like a movie car wreck flashing into flames as it goes over the cliff, before it ever even hits the ground. He closes his eyes and mouth, covers his face with his hands, and waits to stop rolling. He stops, at the bottom of the dune. After a minute or two, he finds enough energy to try to sit up and get the sand out of his face and clothes. When he clears his eyes enough, he looks around to make sure that the dark spot in the sand it still there and he hadn’t just imagined it. So, seeing the large, flat, dark spot on the sand is still there, he begins to crawl towards it. He’d get up and walk towards it, but he doesn’t seem to have the energy to get up and walk right now. He must be in the final stages of dehydration he figures, as he crawls. If this place in the sand doesn’t have water, he’ll likely never make it anywhere else. This is his last chance. He gets closer and closer, but still can’t see what’s in the middle of the dark area. His eyes won’t quite focus any more for some reason. And lifting his head up to look takes so much effort that he gives up trying. He just keeps crawling. Finally, he reaches the area he’d seen from the dune. It takes him a minute of crawling on it before he realizes that he’s no longer on sand - he’s now crawling on some kind of dark stone. Stone with some kind of marking on it -a pattern cut into the stone. He’s too tired to stand up and try to see what the pattern is - so he just keeps crawling. He crawls towards the center, where his blurry eyes still see something in the middle of the dark stone area. His mind, detached in a strange way, notes that either his hands and knees are so burnt by the sand that they no longer feel pain, or that this dark stone, in the middle of a burning desert with a pounding, punishing sun overhead, doesn’t seem to be hot. It almost feels cool. He considers lying down on the nice cool surface. Cool, dark stone. Not a good sign. He must be hallucinating this. He’s probably in the middle of a patch of sand, already lying face down and dying, and just imagining this whole thing. A desert mirage. Soon the beautiful women carrying pitchers of water will come up and start giving him a drink. Then he’ll know he’s gone. He decides against laying down on the cool stone. If he’s going to die here in the middle of this hallucination, he at least wants to see what’s in the center before he goes. He keeps crawling. It’s the third time that he hears the voice before he realizes what he’s hearing. He would swear that someone just said, “Greetings, traveler. You do not look well. Do you hear me?” He stops crawling. He tries to look up from where he is on his hands and knees, but it’s too much effort to lift his head. So he tries something different - he leans back and tries to sit up on the stone. After a few seconds, he catches his balance, avoids falling on his face, sits up, and tries to focus his eyes. Blurry. He rubs his eyes with the back of his hands and tries again. Better this time. Yep. He can see. He’s sitting in the middle of a large, flat, dark expanse of stone. Directly next to him, about three feet away, is a white post or pole about two inches in diameter and sticking up about four or five feet out of the stone, at an angle. And wrapped around this white rod, tail with rattle on it hovering and seeming to be ready to start rattling, is what must be a fifteen foot long desert diamondback rattlesnake, looking directly at him. He stares at the snake in shock. He doesn’t have the energy to get up and run away. He doesn’t even have the energy to crawl away. This is it, his final resting place. No matter what happens, he’s not going to be able to move from this spot. Well, at least dying of a bite from this monster should be quicker than dying of thirst. He’ll face his end like a man. He struggles to sit up a little straighter. The snake keeps watching him. He lifts one hand and waves it in the snake’s direction, feebly. The snake watches the hand for a moment, then goes back to watching the man, looking into his eyes. Hmmm. Maybe the snake had no interest in biting him? It hadn’t rattled yet -that was a good sign. Maybe he wasn’t going to die of snake bite after all. He then remembers that he’d looked up when he’d reached the center here because he thought he’d heard a voice. He was still very woozy - he was likely to pass out soon, the sun still beat down on him even though he was now on cool stone. He still didn’t have anything to drink. But maybe he had actually heard a voice. This stone didn’t look natural. Nor did that white post sticking up out of the stone. Someone had to have built this. Maybe they were still nearby. Maybe that was who talked to him. Maybe this snake was even their pet, and that’s why it wasn’t biting. He tries to clear his throat to say, “Hello,” but his throat is too dry. All that comes out is a coughing or wheezing sound. There is no way he’s going to be able to talk without something to drink. He feels his pocket, and the bottle with the wiper fluid is still there. He shakily pulls the bottle out, almost losing his balance and falling on his back in the process. This isn’t good. He doesn’t have much time left, by his reckoning, before he passes out. He gets the lid off of the bottle, manages to get the bottle to his lips, and pours some of the fluid into his mouth. He sloshes it around, and then swallows it. He coughs a little. His throat feels better. Maybe he can talk now. He tries again. Ignoring the snake, he turns to look around him, hoping to spot the owner of this place, and croaks out, “Hello? Is there anyone here?” He hears, from his side, “Greetings. What is it that you want?” He turns his head, back towards the snake. That’s where the sound had seemed to come from. The only thing he can think of is that there must be a speaker, hidden under the snake, or maybe built into that post. He decides to try asking for help. “Please,” he croaks again, suddenly feeling dizzy, “I’d love to not be thirsty any more. I’ve been a long time without water. Can you help me?” Looking in the direction of the snake, hoping to see where the voice was coming from this time, he is shocked to see the snake rear back, open its mouth, and speak. He hears it say, as the dizziness overtakes him and he falls forward, face first on the stone, “Very well. Coming up.” A piercing pain shoots through his shoulder. Suddenly he is awake. He sits up and grabs his shoulder, wincing at the throbbing pain. He’s momentarily disoriented as he looks around, and then he remembers - the crawl across the sand, the dark area of stone, the snake. He sees the snake, still wrapped around the tilted white post, still looking at him. He reaches up and feels his shoulder, where it hurts. It feels slightly wet. He pulls his fingers away and looks at them - blood. He feels his shoulder again - his shirt has what feels like two holes in it - two puncture holes -they match up with the two aching spots of pain on his shoulder. He had been bitten. By the snake. “It’ll feel better in a minute.” He looks up - it’s the snake talking. He hadn’t dreamed it. Suddenly he notices - he’s not dizzy any more. And more importantly, he’s not thirsty any more - at all! “Have I died? Is this the afterlife? Why are you biting me in the afterlife?” “Sorry about that, but I had to bite you,” says the snake. “That’s the way I work. It all comes through the bite. Think of it as natural medicine.” “You bit me to help me? Why aren’t I thirsty any more? Did you give me a drink before you bit me? How did I drink enough while unconscious to not be thirsty any more? I haven’t had a drink for over two days. Well, except for the windshield wiper fluid… hold it, how in the world does a snake talk? Are you real? Are you some sort of Disney animation?” “No,” says the snake, “I’m real. As real as you or anyone is, anyway. I didn’t give you a drink. I bit you. That’s how it works - it’s what I do. I bite. I don’t have hands to give you a drink, even if I had water just sitting around here.” The man sat stunned for a minute. Here he was, sitting in the middle of the desert on some strange stone that should be hot but wasn’t, talking to a snake that could talk back and had just bitten him. And he felt better. Not great - he was still starving and exhausted, but much better - he was no longer thirsty. He had started to sweat again, but only slightly. He felt hot, in this sun, but it was starting to get lower in the sky, and the cool stone beneath him was a relief he could notice now that he was no longer dying of thirst. “I might suggest that we take care of that methanol you now have in your system with the next request,” continued the snake. “I can guess why you drank it, but I’m not sure how much you drank, or how much methanol was left in the wiper fluid. That stuff is nasty. It’ll make you go blind in a day or two, if you drank enough of it.” “Ummm, n-next request?” said the man. He put his hand back on his hurting shoulder and backed away from the snake a little. “That’s the way it works. If you like, that is,” explained the snake. “You get three requests. Call them wishes, if you wish.” The snake grinned at his own joke, and the man drew back a little further from the show of fangs. “But there are rules,” the snake continued. “The first request is free. The second requires an agreement of secrecy. The third requires the binding of responsibility.” The snake looks at the man seriously. “By the way,” the snake says suddenly, “my name is Nathan. Old Nathan, Samuel used to call me. He gave me the name. Before that, most of the Bound used to just call me ‘Snake’. But that got old, and Samuel wouldn’t stand for it. He said that anything that could talk needed a name. He was big into names. You can call me Nate, if you wish.” Again, the snake grinned. “Sorry if I don’t offer to shake, but I think you can understand - my shake sounds somewhat threatening.” The snake give his rattle a little shake. “Umm, my name is Jack,” said the man, trying to absorb all of this. “Jack Samson. “Can I ask you a question?” Jack says suddenly. “What happened to the poison…umm, in your bite. Why aren’t I dying now? How did you do that? What do you mean by that’s how you work?” “That’s more than one question,” grins Nate. “But I’ll still try to answer all of them. First, yes, you can ask me a question.” The snake’s grin gets wider. “Second, the poison is in you. It changed you. You now no longer need to drink. That’s what you asked for. Or, well, technically, you asked to not be thirsty any more - but ‘any more’ is such a vague term. I decided to make it permanent - now, as long as you live, you shouldn’t need to drink much at all. Your body will conserve water very efficiently. You should be able to get enough just from the food you eat - much like a creature of the desert. You’ve been changed. “For the third question,” Nate continues, “you are still dying. Besides the effects of that methanol in your system, you’re a man - and men are mortal. In your current state, I give you no more than about another 50 years. Assuming you get out of this desert, alive, that is.” Nate seemed vastly amused at his own humor, and continued his wide grin. “As for the fourth question,” Nate said, looking more serious as far as Jack could tell, as Jack was just now working on his ability to read talking-snake emotions from snake facial features, “first you have to agree to make a second request and become bound by the secrecy, or I can’t tell you.” “Wait,” joked Jack, “isn’t this where you say you could tell me, but you’d have to kill me?” “I thought that was implied.” Nate continued to look serious. “Ummm…yeah.” Jack leaned back a little as he remembered again that he was talking to a fifteen foot poisonous reptile with a reputation for having a nasty temper. “So, what is this ‘Bound by Secrecy’ stuff, and can you really stop the effects of the methanol?” Jack thought for a second. “And, what do you mean methanol, anyway? I thought these days they use ethanol in wiper fluid, and just denature it?” “They may, I don’t really know,” said Nate. “I haven’t gotten out in a while. Maybe they do. All I know is that I smell methanol on your breath and on that bottle in your pocket. And the blue color of the liquid when you pulled it out to drink some let me guess that it was wiper fluid. I assume that they still color wiper fluid blue?” “Yeah, they do,” said Jack. “I figured,” replied Nate. “As for being bound by secrecy - with the fulfillment of your next request, you will be bound to say nothing about me, this place, or any of the information I will tell you after that, when you decide to go back out to your kind. You won’t be allowed to talk about me, write about me, use sign language, charades, or even act in a way that will lead someone to guess correctly about me. You’ll be bound to secrecy. Of course, I’ll also ask you to promise not to give me away, and as I’m guessing that you’re a man of your word, you’ll never test the binding anyway, so you won’t notice.” Nate said the last part with utter confidence. Jack, who had always prided himself on being a man of his word, felt a little nervous at this. “Ummm, hey, Nate, who are you? How did you know that? Are you, umm, omniscient, or something?” Well, Jack,” said Nate sadly, “I can’t tell you that, unless you make the second request.” Nate looked away for a minute, then looked back. “Umm, well, ok,” said Jack, “what is this about a second request? What can I ask for? Are you allowed to tell me that?” “Sure!” said Nate, brightening. “You’re allowed to ask for changes. Changes to yourself. They’re like wishes, but they can only affect you. Oh, and before you ask, I can’t give you immortality. Or omniscience. Or omnipresence, for that matter. Though I might be able to make you gaseous and yet remain alive, and then you could spread through the atmosphere and sort of be omnipresent. But what good would that be - you still wouldn’t be omniscient and thus still could only focus on one thing at a time. Not very useful, at least in my opinion.” Nate stopped when he realized that Jack was staring at him. “Well, anyway,” continued Nate, “I’d probably suggest giving you permanent good health. It would negate the methanol now in your system, you’d be immune to most poisons and diseases, and you’d tend to live a very long time, barring accident, of course. And you’ll even have a tendency to recover from accidents well. It always seemed like a good choice for a request to me.” “Cure the methanol poisoning, huh?” said Jack. “And keep me healthy for a long time? Hmmm. It doesn’t sound bad at that. And it has to be a request about a change to me? I can’t ask to be rich, right? Because that’s not really a change to me?” “Right,” nodded Nate. “Could I ask to be a genius and permanently healthy?” Jack asked, hopefully. “That takes two requests, Jack.” “Yeah, I figured so,” said Jack. “But I could ask to be a genius? I could become the smartest scientist in the world? Or the best athlete?” “Well, I could make you very smart,” admitted Nate, “but that wouldn’t necessarily make you the best scientist in the world. Or, I could make you very athletic, but it wouldn’t necessarily make you the best athlete either. You’ve heard the saying that 99% of genius is hard work? Well, there’s some truth to that. I can give you the talent, but I can’t make you work hard. It all depends on what you decide to do with it.” “Hmmm,” said Jack. “Ok, I think I understand. And I get a third request, after this one?” “Maybe,” said Nate, “it depends on what you decide then. There are more rules for the third request that I can only tell you about after the second request. You know how it goes.” Nate looked like he’d shrug, if he had shoulders. “Ok, well, since I’d rather not be blind in a day or two, and permanent health doesn’t sound bad, then consider that my second request. Officially. Do I need to sign in blood or something?” “No,” said Nate. “Just hold out your hand. Or heel.” Nate grinned. “Or whatever part you want me to bite. I have to bite you again. Like I said, that’s how it works - the poison, you know,” Nate said apologetically. Jack winced a little and felt his shoulder, where the last bite was. Hey, it didn’t hurt any more. Just like Nate had said. That made Jack feel better about the biting business. But still, standing still while a fifteen foot snake sunk it’s fangs into you. Jack stood up. Ignoring how good it felt to be able to stand again, and the hunger starting to gnaw at his stomach, Jack tried to decide where he wanted to get bitten. Despite knowing that it wouldn’t hurt for long, Jack knew that this wasn’t going to be easy. “Hey, Jack,” Nate suddenly said, looking past Jack towards the dunes behind him, “is that someone else coming up over there?” Jack spun around and looked. Who else could be out here in the middle of nowhere? And did they bring food? Wait a minute, there was nobody over there. What was Nate… Jack let out a bellow as he felt two fangs sink into his rear end, through his jeans… Jack sat down carefully, favoring his more tender buttock. “I would have decided, eventually, Nate. I was just thinking about it. You didn’t have to hoodwink me like that.” “I’ve been doing this a long time, Jack,” said Nate, confidently. “You humans have a hard time sitting still and letting a snake bite you - especially one my size. And besides, admit it - it’s only been a couple of minutes and it already doesn’t hurt any more, does it? That’s because of the health benefit with this one. I told you that you’d heal quickly now.” “Yeah, well, still,” said Jack, “it’s the principle of the thing. And nobody likes being bitten in the butt! Couldn’t you have gotten my calf or something instead?” “More meat in the typical human butt,” replied Nate. “And less chance you accidentally kick me or move at the last second.” “Yeah, right. So, tell me all of these wonderful secrets that I now qualify to hear,” answered Jack. “Ok,” said Nate. “Do you want to ask questions first, or do you want me to just start talking?” “Just talk,” said Jack. “I’ll sit here and try to not think about food.” “We could go try to rustle up some food for you first, if you like,” answered Nate. “Hey! You didn’t tell me you had food around here, Nate!” Jack jumped up. “What do we have? Am I in walking distance to town? Or can you magically whip up food along with your other powers?” Jack was almost shouting with excitement. His stomach had been growling for hours. “I was thinking more like I could flush something out of its hole and bite it for you, and you could skin it and eat it. Assuming you have a knife, that is,” replied Nate, with the grin that Jack was starting to get used to. “Ugh,” said Jack, sitting back down. “I think I’ll pass. I can last a little longer before I get desperate enough to eat desert rat, or whatever else it is you find out here. And there’s nothing to burn - I’d have to eat it raw. No thanks. Just talk.” “Ok,” replied Nate, still grinning. “But I’d better hurry, before you start looking at me as food. Nate reared back a little, looked around for a second, and then continued. “You, Jack, are sitting in the middle of the Garden of Eden.” Jack looked around at the sand and dunes and then looked back at Nate sceptically. “Well, that’s the best I can figure it, anyway, Jack,” said Nate. “Stand up and look at the symbol on the rock here.” Nate gestured around the dark stone they were both sitting on with his nose. Jack stood up and looked. Carved into the stone in a bas-relief was a representation of a large tree. The angled-pole that Nate was wrapped around was coming out of the trunk of the tree, right below where the main branches left the truck to reach out across the stone. It was very well done - it looked more like a tree had been reduced to almost two dimensions and embedded in the stone than it did like a carving. Jack walked around and looked at the details in the fading light of the setting sun. He wished he’d looked at it while the sun was higher in the sky. Wait! The sun was setting! That meant he was going to have to spend another night out here! Arrrgh! Jack looked out across the desert for a little bit, and then came back and stood next to Nate. “In all the excitement, I almost forgot, Nate,” said Jack. “Which way is it back to town? And how far? I’m eventually going to have to head back - I’m not sure I’ll be able to survive by eating raw desert critters for long. And even if I can, I’m not sure I’ll want to.” “It’s about 30 miles that way.” Nate pointed, with the rattle on his tail this time. As far as Jack could tell, it was a direction at right angles to the way he’d been going when he was crawling here. “But that’s 30 miles by the way the crow flies. It’s about 40 by the way a man walks. You should be able to do it in about half a day with your improved endurance, if you head out early tomorrow, Jack.” Jack looked out the way the snake had pointed for a few seconds more, and then sat back down. It was getting dark. Not much he could do about heading out right now. And besides, Nate was just about to get to the interesting stuff. “Garden of Eden? As best as you can figure it?” “Well, yeah, as best as I and Samuel could figure it anyway,” said Nate. “He figured that the story just got a little mixed up. You know, snake, in a ‘tree’, offering ‘temptations’, making bargains. That kind stuff. But he could never quite figure out how the Hebrews found out about this spot from across the ocean. He worried about that for a while.” “Garden of Eden, hunh?” said Jack. “How long have you been here, Nate?” “No idea, really,” replied Nate. “A long time. It never occurred to me to count years, until recently, and by then, of course, it was too late. But I do remember when this whole place was green, so I figure it’s been thousands of years, at least.” “So, are you the snake that tempted Eve?” said Jack. “Beats me,” said Nate. “Maybe. I can’t remember if the first one of your kind that I talked to was female or not, and I never got a name, but it could have been. And I suppose she could have considered my offer to grant requests a ‘temptation’, though I’ve rarely had refusals.” “Well, umm, how did you get here then? And why is that white pole stuck out of the stone there?” asked Jack. “Dad left me here. Or, I assume it was my dad. It was another snake - much bigger than I was back then. I remember talking to him, but I don’t remember if it was in a language, or just kind of understanding what he wanted. But one day, he brought me to this stone, told me about it, and asked me to do something for him. I talked it over with him for a while, then agreed. I’ve been here ever since. “What is this place?” said Jack. “And what did he ask you to do?” “Well, you see this pole here, sticking out of the stone?” Nate loosened his coils around the tilted white pole and showed Jack where it descended into the stone. The pole was tilted at about a 45 degree angle and seemed to enter the stone in an eighteen inch slot cut into the stone. Jack leaned over and looked. The slot was dark and the pole went down into it as far as Jack could see in the dim light. Jack reached out to touch the pole, but Nate was suddenly there in the way. “You can’t touch that yet, Jack,” said Nate. “Why not?” asked Jack. “I haven’t explained it to you yet,” replied Nate. “Well, it kinda looks like a lever or something,” said Jack. “You’d push it that way, and it would move in the slot.” “Yep, that’s what it is,” replied Nate. “What does it do?” asked Jack. “End the world?” “Oh, no,” said Nate. “Nothing that drastic. It just ends humanity. I call it ‘The Lever of Doom’.” For the last few words Nate had used a deeper, ringing voice. He tried to look serious for a few seconds, and then gave up and grinned. Jack was initially startled by Nate’s pronouncement, but when Nate grinned Jack laughed. “Ha! You almost had me fooled for a second there. What does it really do?” “Oh, it really ends humanity, like I said,” smirked Nate. “I just thought the voice I used was funny, didn’t you?” Nate continued to grin. “A lever to end humanity?” asked Jack. “What in the world is that for? Why would anyone need to end humanity?” “Well,” replied Nate, “I get the idea that maybe humanity was an experiment. Or maybe the Big Guy just thought, that if humanity started going really bad, there should be a way to end it. I’m not really sure. All I know are the rules, and the guesses that Samuel and I had about why it’s here. I didn’t think to ask back when I started here.” “Rules? What rules?” asked Jack. “The rules are that I can’t tell anybody about it or let them touch it unless they agree to be bound to secrecy by a bite. And that only one human can be bound in that way at a time. That’s it.” explained Nate. Jack looked somewhat shocked. “You mean that I could pull the lever now? You’d let me end humanity?” “Yep,” replied Nate, “if you want to.” Nate looked at Jack carefully. “Do you want to, Jack?” “Umm, no.” said Jack, stepping a little further back from the lever. “Why in the world would anyone want to end humanity? It’d take a psychotic to want that! Or worse, a suicidal psychotic, because it would kill him too, wouldn’t it?” “Yep,” replied Nate, “being as he’d be human too.” “Has anyone ever seriously considered it?” asked Nate. “Any of those bound to secrecy, that is?” “Well, of course, I think they’ve all seriously considered it at one time or another. Being given that kind of responsibility makes you sit down and think, or so I’m told. Samuel considered it several times. He’d often get disgusted with humanity, come out here, and just hold the lever for a while. But he never pulled it. Or you wouldn’t be here.” Nate grinned some more. Jack sat down, well back from the lever. He looked thoughtful and puzzled at the same time. After a bit, he said, “So this makes me the Judge of humanity? I get to decide whether they keep going or just end? Me?” “That seems to be it,” agreed Nate. “What kind of criteria do I use to decide?” said Jack. “How do I make this decision? Am I supposed to decide if they’re good? Or too many of them are bad? Or that they’re going the wrong way? Is there a set of rules for that?” “Nope,” replied Nate. “You pretty much just have to decide on your own. It’s up to you, however you want to decide it. I guess that you’re just supposed to know.” “But what if I get mad at someone? Or some girl dumps me and I feel horrible? Couldn’t I make a mistake? How do I know that I won’t screw up?” protested Jack. Nate gave his kind of snake-like shrug again. “You don’t. You just have to try your best, Jack.” Jack sat there for a while, staring off into the desert that was rapidly getting dark, chewing on a fingernail. Suddenly, Jack turned around and looked at the snake. “Nate, was Samuel the one bound to this before me?” “Yep,” replied Nate. “He was a good guy. Talked to me a lot. Taught me to read and brought me books. I think I still have a good pile of them buried in the sand around here somewhere. I still miss him. He died a few months ago.” “Sounds like a good guy,” agreed Jack. “How did he handle this, when you first told him. What did he do?” “Well,” said Nate, “he sat down for a while, thought about it for a bit, and then asked me some questions, much like you’re doing.” “What did he ask you, if you’re allowed to tell me?” asked Jack. “He asked me about the third request,” replied Nate. “Aha!” It was Jack’s turn to grin. “And what did you tell him?” “I told him the rules for the third request. That to get the third request you have to agree to this whole thing. That if it ever comes to the point that you really think that humanity should be ended, that you’ll come here and end it. You won’t avoid it, and you won’t wimp out.” Nate looked serious again. “And you’ll be bound to do it too, Jack.” “Hmmm.” Jack looked back out into the darkness for a while. Nate watched him, waiting. “Nate,” continued Jack, quietly, eventually. “What did Samuel ask for with his third request?” Nate sounded like he was grinning again as he replied, also quietly, “Wisdom, Jack. He asked for wisdom. As much as I could give him.” “Ok,” said Jack, suddenly, standing up and facing away from Nate, “give it to me. Nate looked at Jack’s backside. “Give you what, Jack?” “Give me that wisdom. The same stuff that Samuel asked for. If it helped him, maybe it’ll help me too.” Jack turned his head to look back over his shoulder at Nate. “It did help him, right?” “He said it did,” replied Nate. “But he seemed a little quieter afterward. Like he had a lot to think about.” “Well, yeah, I can see that,” said Jack. “So, give it to me.” Jack turned toface away from Nate again, bent over slightly and tensed up. Nate watched Jack tense up with a little exasperation. If he bit Jack now, Jack would likely jump out of his skin and maybe hurt them both. “You remember that you’ll be bound to destroy humanity if it ever looks like it needs it, right Jack?” asked Nate, shifting position. “Yeah, yeah, I got that,” replied Jack, eyes squeezed tightly shut and body tense, not noticing the change in direction of Nate’s voice. “And,” continued Nate, from his new position, “do you remember that you’ll turn bright purple, and grow big horns and extra eyes?” “Yeah, yeah…Hey, wait a minute!” said Jack, opening his eyes, straightening up and turning around. “Purple?!” He didn’t see Nate there. With the moonlight Jack could see that the lever extended up from its slot in the rock without the snake wrapped around it. Jack heard, from behind him, Nate’s “Just Kidding!” right before he felt the now familiar piercing pain, this time in the other buttock. Jack sat on the edge of the dark stone in the rapidly cooling air, his feet extending out into the sand. He stared out into the darkness, listening to the wind stir the sand, occasionally rubbing his butt where he’d been recently bitten. Nate had left for a little while, had come back with a desert-rodent-shaped bulge somewhere in his middle, and was now wrapped back around the lever, his tongue flicking out into the desert night’s air the only sign that he was still awake. Occasionally Jack, with his toes absentmindedly digging in the sand while he thought, would ask Nate a question without turning around. “Nate, do accidents count?” Nate lifted his head a little bit. “What do you mean, Jack?” Jack tilted his head back like he was looking at the stars. “You know, accidents. If I accidentally fall on the lever, without meaning to, does that still wipe out humanity?” “Yeah, I’m pretty sure it does, Jack. I’d suggest you be careful about that if you start feeling wobbly,” said Nate with some amusement. A little later - “Does it have to be me that pulls the lever?” asked Jack. “That’s the rule, Jack. Nobody else can pull it,” answered Nate. “No,” Jack shook his head, “I meant does it have to be my hand? Could I pull the lever with a rope tied around it? Or push it with a stick? Or throw a rock?” “Yes, those should work,” replied Nate. “Though I’m not sure how complicated you could get. Samuel thought about trying to build some kind of remote control for it once, but gave it up. Everything he’d build would be gone by the next sunrise, if it was touching the stone, or over it. I told him that in the past others that had been bound had tried to bury the lever so they wouldn’t be tempted to pull it, but every time the stones or sand or whatever had disappeared.” “Wow,” said Jack, “Cool.” Jack leaned back until only his elbows kept him off of the stone and looked up into the sky. “Nate, how long did Samuel live? One of his wishes was for health too, right?” asked Jack. “Yes,” replied Nate, “it was. He lived 167 years, Jack.” “Wow, 167 years. That’s almost 140 more years I’ll live if I live as long. Do you know what he died of, Nate?” “He died of getting tired of living, Jack,” Nate said, sounding somewhat sad. Jack turned his head to look at Nate in the starlight. Nate looked back. “Samuel knew he wasn’t going to be able to stay in society. He figured that they’d eventually see him still alive and start questioning it, so he decided that he’d have to disappear after a while. He faked his death once, but changed his mind - he decided it was too early and he could stay for a little longer. He wasn’t very fond of mankind, but he liked the attention. Most of the time, anyway. “His daughter and then his wife dying almost did him in though. He didn’t stay in society much longer after that. He eventually came out here to spend time talking to me and thinking about pulling the lever. A few months ago he told me he’d had enough. It was his time.” “And then he just died?” asked Jack. Nate shook his head a little. “He made his forth request, Jack. There’s only one thing you can ask for the fourth request. The last bite. After a bit Nate continued, “He told me that he was tired, that it was his time. He reassured me that someone new would show up soon, like they always had. After another pause, Nate finished, “Samuel’s body disappeared off the stone with the sunrise.” Jack lay back down and looked at the sky, leaving Nate alone with his memories. It was a long time until Jack’s breathing evened out into sleep. Jack woke with the sunrise the next morning. He was a little chilled with the morning desert air, but overall was feeling pretty good. Well, except that his stomach was grumbling and he wasn’t willing to eat raw desert rat. So, after getting directions to town from Nate, making sure he knew how to get back, and reassuring Nate that he’d be back soon, Jack started the long walk back to town. With his new health and Nate’s good directions, he made it back easily. Jack caught a bus back to the city, and showed up for work the next day, little worse for the wear and with a story about getting lost in the desert and walking back out. Within a couple of days Jack had talked a friend with a tow truck into going back out into the desert with him to fetch the SUV. They found it after a couple of hours of searching and towed it back without incident. Jack was careful not to even look in the direction of Nate’s lever, though their path back didn’t come within sight of it. Before the next weekend, Jack had gone to a couple of stores, including a book store, and had gotten his SUV back from the mechanic, with a warning to avoid any more joyriding in the desert. On Saturday, Jack headed back to see Nate. Jack parked a little way out of the small town near Nate, loaded up his new backpack with camping gear and the things he was bringing for Nate, and then started walking. He figured that walking would leave the least trail, and he knew that while not many people camped in the desert, it wasn’t unheard of, and shouldn’t really raise suspicions. Jack had brought more books for Nate - recent books, magazines, newspapers. Some things that would catch Nate up with what was happening in the world, others that were just good books to read. He spent the weekend with Nate, and then headed out again, telling Nate that he’d be back again soon, but that he had things to do first. Over four months later Jack was back to see Nate again. This time he brought a laptop with him - a specially modified laptop. It had a solar recharger, special filters and seals to keep out the sand, a satellite link-up, and a special keyboard and joystick that Jack hoped that a fifteen-foot rattlesnake would be able to use. And, it had been hacked to not give out its location to the satellite. After that Jack could e-mail Nate to keep in touch, but still visited him fairly regularly - at least once or twice a year. After the first year, Jack quit his job. For some reason, with the wisdom he ‘d been given, and the knowledge that he could live for over 150 years, working in a nine to five job for someone else didn’t seem that worthwhile any more. Jack went back to school. Eventually, Jack started writing. Perhaps because of the wisdom, or perhaps because of his new perspective, he wrote well. People liked what he wrote, and he became well known for it. After a time, Jack bought an RV and started traveling around the country for book signings and readings. But, he still remembered to drop by and visit Nate occasionally. On one of the visits Nate seemed quieter than usual. Not that Nate had been a fountain of joy lately. Jack’s best guess was that Nate was still missing Samuel, and though Jack had tried, he still hadn’t been able to replace Samuel in Nate’s eyes. Nate had been getting quieter each visit. But on this visit Nate didn’t even speak when Jack walked up to the lever. He nodded at Jack, and then went back to staring into the desert. Jack, respecting Nate’s silence, sat down and waited. After a few minutes, Nate spoke. “Jack, I have someone to introduce you to.” Jack looked surprised. “Someone to introduce me to?” Jack looked around, and then looked carefully back at Nate. “This something to do with the Big Guy? “No, no,” replied Nate. “This is more personal. I want you to meet my son.” Nate looked over at the nearest sand dune. “Sammy!” Jack watched as a four foot long desert rattlesnake crawled from behind the dune and up to the stone base of the lever. “Yo, Jack,” said the new, much smaller snake. “Yo, Sammy” replied Jack. Jack looked at Nate. “Named after Samuel, I assume?” Nate nodded. “Jack, I’ve got a favor to ask you. Could you show Sammy around for me?” Nate unwrapped himself from the lever and slithered over to the edge of the stone and looked across the sands. “When Samuel first told me about the world, and brought me books and pictures, I wished that I could go see it. I wanted to see the great forests, the canyons, the cities, even the other deserts, to see if they felt and smelled the same. I want my son to have that chance - to see the world. Before he becomes bound here like I have been. “He’s seen it in pictures, over the computer that you brought me. But I hear that it’s not the same. That being there is different. I want him to have that. Think you can do that for me, Jack?” Jack nodded. This was obviously very important to Nate, so Jack didn’t even joke about taking a talking rattlesnake out to see the world. “Yeah, I can do that for you, Nate. Is that all you need?” Jack could sense that was something more. Nate looked at Sammy. Sammy looked back at Nate for a second and then said, “Oh, yeah. Ummm, I’ve gotta go pack. Back in a little bit Jack. Nice to meet ya!” Sammy slithered back over the dune and out of sight. Nate watched Sammy disappear and then looked back at Jack. “Jack, this is my first son. My first offspring through all the years. You don’t even want to know what it took for me to find a mate.” Nate grinned to himself. “But anyway, I had a son for a reason. I’m tired. I’m ready for it to be over. I needed a replacement.” Jack considered this for a minute. “So, you’re ready to come see the world, and you wanted him to watch the lever while you were gone?” Nate shook his head. “No, Jack - you’re a better guesser than that. You’ve already figured out - I’m bound here - there’s only one way for me to leave here. And I’m ready. It’s my time to die.” Jack looked more closely at Nate. He could tell Nate had thought about this - probably for quite a while. Jack had trouble imagining what it would be like to be as old as Nate, but Jack could already tell that in another hundred or two hundred years, he might be getting tired of life himself. Jack could understand Samuel’s decision, and now Nate’s. So, all Jack said was, “What do you want me to do?” Nate nodded. “Thanks, Jack. I only want two things. One - show Sammy around the world - let him get his fill of it, until he’s ready to come back here and take over. Two - give me the fourth request. “I can’t just decide to die, not any more than you can. I won’t even die of old age like you eventually will, even though it’ll be a long time from now. I need to be killed. Once Sammy is back here, ready to take over, I’ll be able to die. And I need you to kill me. “I’ve even thought about how. Poisons and other drugs won’t work on me. And I’ve seen pictures of snakes that were shot - some of them live for days, so that’s out too. So, I want you to bring back a sword. Nate turned away to look back to the dune that Sammy had gone behind. “I’d say an axe, but that’s somewhat undignified - putting my head on the ground or a chopping block like that. No, I like a sword. A time-honored way of going out. A dignified way to die. And, most importantly, it should work, even on me. “You willing to do that for me, Jack?” Nate turned back to look at Jack. “Yeah, Nate,” replied Jack solemnly, “I think I can handle that.” Nate nodded. “Good!” He turned back toward the dune and shouted, “Sammy! Jack’s about ready to leave!” Then quietly, “Thanks, Jack.” Jack didn’t have anything to say to that, so he waited for Sammy to make it back to the lever, nodded to him, nodded a final time to Nate, and then headed into the desert with Sammy following. Over the next several years Sammy and Jack kept in touch with Nate through e-mail as they went about their adventures. They made a goal of visiting every country in the world, and did a respectable job of it. Sammy had a natural gift for languages, as Jack expected he would, and even ended up acting as a translator for Jack in a few of the countries. Jack managed to keep the talking rattlesnake hidden, even so, and by the time they were nearing the end of their tour of countries, Sammy had only been spotted a few times. While there were several people that had seen enough to startle them greatly, nobody had enough evidence to prove anything, and while a few wild rumors and storied followed Jack and Sammy around, nothing ever hit the newspapers or the public in general. When they finished the tour of countries, Jack suggested that they try some undersea diving. They did. And spelunking. They did that too. Sammy finally drew the line at visiting Antarctica. He’d come to realize that Jack was stalling. After talking to his Dad about it over e-mail, he figured out that Jack probably didn’t want to have to kill Nate. Nate told Sammy that humans could be squeamish about killing friends and acquaintances. So, Sammy eventually put his tail down (as he didn’t have a foot) and told Jack that it was time - he was ready to go back and take up his duties from his dad. Jack, delayed it a little more by insisting that they go back to Japan and buy an appropriate sword. He even stretched it a little more by getting lessons in how to use the sword. But, eventually, he’d learned as much as he was likely to without dedicating his life to it, and was definitely competent enough to take the head off of a snake. It was time to head back and see Nate. When they got back to the US, Jack got the old RV out of storage where he and Sammy had left it after their tour of the fifty states, he loaded up Sammy and the sword, and they headed for the desert. When they got to the small town that Jack had been trying to find those years ago when he’d met Nate, Jack was in a funk. He didn’t really feel like walking all of the way out there. Not only that, but he’d forgotten to figure the travel time correctly, and it was late afternoon. They’d either have to spend the night in town and walk out tomorrow, or walk in the dark. As Jack was afraid that if he waited one more night he might lose his resolve, he decided that he’d go ahead and drive the RV out there. It was only going to be this once, and Jack would go back and cover the tracks afterward. They ought to be able to make it out there by nightfall if they drove, and then they could get it over tonight. Jack told Sammy to e-mail Nate that they were coming as he drove out of sight of the town on the road. They then pulled off the road and headed out into the desert. Everything went well, until they got to the sand dunes. Jack had been nursing the RV along the whole time, over the rocks, through the creek beds, revving the engine the few times they almost got stuck. When they came to the dunes, Jack didn’t really think about it, he just downshifted and headed up the first one. By the third dune, Jack started to regret that he’d decided to try driving on the sand. The RV was fishtailling and losing traction. Jack was having to work it up each dune slowly and was trying to keep from losing control each time they came over the top and slid down the other side. Sammy had come up to sit in the passenger seat, coiled up and laughing at Jack’s driving. As they came over the top of the fourth dune, the biggest one yet, Jack saw that this was the final dune - the stone, the lever, and somewhere Nate, waited below. Jack put on the brakes, but he’d gone a little too far. The RV started slipping down the other side. Jack tried turning the wheel, but he didn’t have enough traction. He pumped the brakes - no response. They started sliding down the hill, faster and faster. Jack felt a shock go through him as he suddenly realized that they were heading for the lever. He looked down - the RV was directly on course for it. If Jack didn’t do something, the RV would hit it. He was about to end humanity. Jack steered more frantically, trying to get traction. It still wasn’t working. The dune was too steep, and the sand too loose. In a split second, Jack realized that his only chance would be once he hit the stone around the lever - he should have traction on the stone for just a second before he hit the lever - he wouldn’t have time to stop, but he should be able to steer away. Jack took a better grip on the steering wheel and tried to turn the RV a little bit - every little bit would help. He’d have to time his turn just right. The RV got to the bottom of the dune, sliding at an amazing speed in the sand. Just before they reached the stone Jack looked across it to check that they were still heading for the lever. They were. But Jack noticed something else that he hadn’t seen from the top of the dune. Nate wasn’t wrapped around the lever. He was off to the side of the lever, but still on the stone, waiting for them. The problem was, he was waiting on the same side of the lever that Jack had picked to steer towards to avoid the lever. The RV was already starting to drift that way a little in its mad rush across the sand and there was no way that Jack was going to be able to go around the lever to the other side. Jack had an instant of realization. He was either going to have to hit the lever, or run over Nate. He glanced over at Sammy and saw that Sammy realized the same thing. Jack took a firmer grip on the steering wheel as the RV ran up on the stone. Shouting to Sammy as he pulled the steering wheel, “BETTER NATE THAN LEVER,” he ran over the snake. THE END (No one said it was the longest FUNNY joke in the world)

is this THE only longest joke youve heard ? Lost in the Desert (Author unknown) So, there’s a man crawling through the desert. He’d decided to try his SUV in a little bit of cross-country travel, had great fun zooming over the badlands and through the sand, got lost, hit a big rock, and then he couldn’t get it started again. There were no cell phone towers anywhere near, so his cell phone was useless. He had no family, his parents had died a few years before in an auto accident, and his few friends had no idea he was out here. He stayed with the car for a day or so, but his one bottle of water ran out and he was getting thirsty. He thought maybe he knew the direction back, now that he’d paid attention to the sun and thought he’d figured out which way was north, so he decided to start walking. He figured he only had to go about 30 miles or so and he’d be back to the small town he’d gotten gas in last. He thinks about walking at night to avoid the heat and sun, but based upon how dark it actually was the night before, and given that he has no flashlight, he’s afraid that he’ll break a leg or step on a rattlesnake. So, he puts on some sun block, puts the rest in his pocket for reapplication later, brings an umbrella he’d had in the back of the SUV with him to give him a little shade, pours the windshield wiper fluid into his water bottle in case he gets that desperate, brings his pocket knife in case he finds a cactus that looks like it might have water in it, and heads out in the direction he thinks is right. He walks for the entire day. By the end of the day he’s really thirsty. He’s been sweating all day, and his lips are starting to crack. He’s reapplied the sunblock twice, and tried to stay under the umbrella, but he still feels sunburned. The windshield wiper fluid sloshing in the bottle in his pocket is really getting tempting now. He knows that it’s mainly water and some ethanol and coloring, but he also knows that they add some kind of poison to it to keep people from drinking it. He wonders what the poison is, and whether the poison would be worse than dying of thirst. He pushes on, trying to get to that small town before dark. By the end of the day he starts getting worried. He figures he’s been walking at least 3 miles an hour, according to his watch for over 10 hours. That means that if his estimate was right that he should be close to the town. But he doesn’t recognize any of this. He had to cross a dry creek bed a mile or two back, and he doesn’t remember coming through it in the SUV. He figures that maybe he got his direction off just a little and that the dry creek bed was just off to one side of his path. He tells himself that he’s close, and that after dark he’ll start seeing the town lights over one of these hills, and that’ll be all he needs. As it gets dim enough that he starts stumbling over small rocks and things, he finds a spot and sits down to wait for full dark and the town lights. Full dark comes before he knows it. He must have dozed off. He stands back up and turns all the way around. He sees nothing but stars. He wakes up the next morning feeling absolutely lousy. His eyes are gummy and his mouth and nose feel like they’re full of sand. He so thirsty that he can’t even swallow. He barely got any sleep because it was so cold. He’d forgotten how cold it got at night in the desert and hadn’t noticed it the night before because he’d been in his car. He knows the Rule of Threes - three minutes without air, three days without water, three weeks without food - then you die. Some people can make it a little longer, in the best situations. But the desert heat and having to walk and sweat isn’t the best situation to be without water. He figures, unless he finds water, this is his last day. He rinses his mouth out with a little of the windshield wiper fluid. He waits a while after spitting that little bit out, to see if his mouth goes numb, or he feels dizzy or something. Has his mouth gone numb? Is it just in his mind? He’s not sure. He’ll go a little farther, and if he still doesn’t find water, he’ll try drinking some of the fluid. Then he has to face his next, harder question - which way does he go from here? Does he keep walking the same way he was yesterday (assuming that he still knows which way that is), or does he try a new direction? He has no idea what to do. Looking at the hills and dunes around him, he thinks he knows the direction he was heading before. Just going by a feeling, he points himself somewhat to the left of that, and starts walking. As he walks, the day starts heating up. The desert, too cold just a couple of hours before, soon becomes an oven again. He sweats a little at first, and then stops. He starts getting worried at that - when you stop sweating he knows that means you’re in trouble - usually right before heat stroke. He decides that it’s time to try the windshield wiper fluid. He can’t wait any longer - if he passes out, he’s dead. He stops in the shade of a large rock, takes the bottle out, opens it, and takes a mouthful. He slowly swallows it, making it last as long as he can. It feels so good in his dry and cracked throat that he doesn’t even care about the nasty taste. He takes another mouthful, and makes it last too. Slowly, he drinks half the bottle. He figures that since he’s drinking it, he might as well drink enough to make some difference and keep himself from passing out. He’s quit worrying about the denaturing of the wiper fluid. If it kills him, it kills him - if he didn’t drink it, he’d die anyway. Besides, he’s pretty sure that whatever substance they denature the fluid with is just designed to make you sick - their way of keeping winos from buying cheap wiper fluid for the ethanol content. He can handle throwing up, if it comes to that. He walks. He walks in the hot, dry, windless desert. Sand, rocks, hills, dunes, the occasional scrawny cactus or dried bush. No sign of water. Sometimes he’ll see a little movement to one side or the other, but whatever moved is usually gone before he can focus his eyes on it. Probably birds, lizards, or mice. Maybe snakes, though they usually move more at night. He’s careful to stay away from the movements. After a while, he begins to stagger. He’s not sure if it’s fatigue, heat stroke finally catching him, or maybe he was wrong and the denaturing of the wiper fluid was worse than he thought. He tries to steady himself, and keep going. After more walking, he comes to a large stretch of sand. This is good! He knows he passed over a stretch of sand in the SUV - he remembers doing donuts in it. Or at least he thinks he remembers it - he’s getting woozy enough and tired enough that he’s not sure what he remembers any more or if he’s hallucinating. But he thinks he remembers it. So he heads off into it, trying to get to the other side, hoping that it gets him closer to the town. He was heading for a town, wasn’t he? He thinks he was. He isn’t sure any more. He’s not even sure how long he’s been walking any more. Is it still morning? Or has it moved into afternoon and the sun is going down again? It must be afternoon - it seems like it’s been too long since he started out. He walks through the sand. After a while, he comes to a big dune in the sand. This is bad. He doesn’t remember any dunes when driving over the sand in his SUV. Or at least he doesn’t think he remembers any. This is bad. But, he has no other direction to go. Too late to turn back now. He figures that he’ll get to the top of the dune and see if he can see anything from there that helps him find the town. He keeps going up the dune. Halfway up, he slips in the bad footing of the sand for the second or third time, and falls to his knees. He doesn’t feel like getting back up - he’ll just fall down again. So, he keeps going up the dune on his hand and knees. While crawling, if his throat weren’t so dry, he’d laugh. He’s finally gotten to the hackneyed image of a man lost in the desert - crawling through the sand on his hands and knees. If would be the perfect image, he imagines, if only his clothes were more ragged. The people crawling through the desert in the cartoons always had ragged clothes. But his have lasted without any rips so far. Somebody will probably find his dessicated corpse half buried in the sand years from now, and his clothes will still be in fine shape -shake the sand out, and a good wash, and they’d be wearable again. He wishes his throat were wet enough to laugh. He coughs a little instead, and it hurts. He finally makes it to the top of the sand dune. Now that he’s at the top, he struggles a little, but manages to stand up and look around. All he sees is sand. Sand, and more sand. Behind him, about a mile away, he thinks he sees the rocky ground he left to head into this sand. Ahead of him, more dunes, more sand. This isn’t where he drove his SUV. This is Hell. Or close enough. Again, he doesn’t know what to do. He decides to drink the rest of the wiper fluid while figuring it out. He takes out the bottle, and is removing the cap, when he glances to the side and sees something. Something in the sand. At the bottom of the dune, off to the side, he sees something strange. It’s a flat area, in the sand. He stops taking the cap of the bottle off, and tries to look closer. The area seems to be circular. And it’s dark - darker than the sand. And, there seems to be something in the middle of it, but he can’t tell what it is. He looks as hard as he can, and still can tell from here. He’s going to have to go down there and look. He puts the bottle back in his pocket, and starts to stumble down the dune. After a few steps, he realizes that he’s in trouble - he’s not going to be able to keep his balance. After a couple of more sliding, tottering steps, he falls and starts to roll down the dune. The sand it so hot when his body hits it that for a minute he thinks he’s caught fire on the way down - like a movie car wreck flashing into flames as it goes over the cliff, before it ever even hits the ground. He closes his eyes and mouth, covers his face with his hands, and waits to stop rolling. He stops, at the bottom of the dune. After a minute or two, he finds enough energy to try to sit up and get the sand out of his face and clothes. When he clears his eyes enough, he looks around to make sure that the dark spot in the sand it still there and he hadn’t just imagined it. So, seeing the large, flat, dark spot on the sand is still there, he begins to crawl towards it. He’d get up and walk towards it, but he doesn’t seem to have the energy to get up and walk right now. He must be in the final stages of dehydration he figures, as he crawls. If this place in the sand doesn’t have water, he’ll likely never make it anywhere else. This is his last chance. He gets closer and closer, but still can’t see what’s in the middle of the dark area. His eyes won’t quite focus any more for some reason. And lifting his head up to look takes so much effort that he gives up trying. He just keeps crawling. Finally, he reaches the area he’d seen from the dune. It takes him a minute of crawling on it before he realizes that he’s no longer on sand - he’s now crawling on some kind of dark stone. Stone with some kind of marking on it -a pattern cut into the stone. He’s too tired to stand up and try to see what the pattern is - so he just keeps crawling. He crawls towards the center, where his blurry eyes still see something in the middle of the dark stone area. His mind, detached in a strange way, notes that either his hands and knees are so burnt by the sand that they no longer feel pain, or that this dark stone, in the middle of a burning desert with a pounding, punishing sun overhead, doesn’t seem to be hot. It almost feels cool. He considers lying down on the nice cool surface. Cool, dark stone. Not a good sign. He must be hallucinating this. He’s probably in the middle of a patch of sand, already lying face down and dying, and just imagining this whole thing. A desert mirage. Soon the beautiful women carrying pitchers of water will come up and start giving him a drink. Then he’ll know he’s gone. He decides against laying down on the cool stone. If he’s going to die here in the middle of this hallucination, he at least wants to see what’s in the center before he goes. He keeps crawling. It’s the third time that he hears the voice before he realizes what he’s hearing. He would swear that someone just said, “Greetings, traveler. You do not look well. Do you hear me?” He stops crawling. He tries to look up from where he is on his hands and knees, but it’s too much effort to lift his head. So he tries something different - he leans back and tries to sit up on the stone. After a few seconds, he catches his balance, avoids falling on his face, sits up, and tries to focus his eyes. Blurry. He rubs his eyes with the back of his hands and tries again. Better this time. Yep. He can see. He’s sitting in the middle of a large, flat, dark expanse of stone. Directly next to him, about three feet away, is a white post or pole about two inches in diameter and sticking up about four or five feet out of the stone, at an angle. And wrapped around this white rod, tail with rattle on it hovering and seeming to be ready to start rattling, is what must be a fifteen foot long desert diamondback rattlesnake, looking directly at him. He stares at the snake in shock. He doesn’t have the energy to get up and run away. He doesn’t even have the energy to crawl away. This is it, his final resting place. No matter what happens, he’s not going to be able to move from this spot. Well, at least dying of a bite from this monster should be quicker than dying of thirst. He’ll face his end like a man. He struggles to sit up a little straighter. The snake keeps watching him. He lifts one hand and waves it in the snake’s direction, feebly. The snake watches the hand for a moment, then goes back to watching the man, looking into his eyes. Hmmm. Maybe the snake had no interest in biting him? It hadn’t rattled yet -that was a good sign. Maybe he wasn’t going to die of snake bite after all. He then remembers that he’d looked up when he’d reached the center here because he thought he’d heard a voice. He was still very woozy - he was likely to pass out soon, the sun still beat down on him even though he was now on cool stone. He still didn’t have anything to drink. But maybe he had actually heard a voice. This stone didn’t look natural. Nor did that white post sticking up out of the stone. Someone had to have built this. Maybe they were still nearby. Maybe that was who talked to him. Maybe this snake was even their pet, and that’s why it wasn’t biting. He tries to clear his throat to say, “Hello,” but his throat is too dry. All that comes out is a coughing or wheezing sound. There is no way he’s going to be able to talk without something to drink. He feels his pocket, and the bottle with the wiper fluid is still there. He shakily pulls the bottle out, almost losing his balance and falling on his back in the process. This isn’t good. He doesn’t have much time left, by his reckoning, before he passes out. He gets the lid off of the bottle, manages to get the bottle to his lips, and pours some of the fluid into his mouth. He sloshes it around, and then swallows it. He coughs a little. His throat feels better. Maybe he can talk now. He tries again. Ignoring the snake, he turns to look around him, hoping to spot the owner of this place, and croaks out, “Hello? Is there anyone here?” He hears, from his side, “Greetings. What is it that you want?” He turns his head, back towards the snake. That’s where the sound had seemed to come from. The only thing he can think of is that there must be a speaker, hidden under the snake, or maybe built into that post. He decides to try asking for help. “Please,” he croaks again, suddenly feeling dizzy, “I’d love to not be thirsty any more. I’ve been a long time without water. Can you help me?” Looking in the direction of the snake, hoping to see where the voice was coming from this time, he is shocked to see the snake rear back, open its mouth, and speak. He hears it say, as the dizziness overtakes him and he falls forward, face first on the stone, “Very well. Coming up.” A piercing pain shoots through his shoulder. Suddenly he is awake. He sits up and grabs his shoulder, wincing at the throbbing pain. He’s momentarily disoriented as he looks around, and then he remembers - the crawl across the sand, the dark area of stone, the snake. He sees the snake, still wrapped around the tilted white post, still looking at him. He reaches up and feels his shoulder, where it hurts. It feels slightly wet. He pulls his fingers away and looks at them - blood. He feels his shoulder again - his shirt has what feels like two holes in it - two puncture holes -they match up with the two aching spots of pain on his shoulder. He had been bitten. By the snake. “It’ll feel better in a minute.” He looks up - it’s the snake talking. He hadn’t dreamed it. Suddenly he notices - he’s not dizzy any more. And more importantly, he’s not thirsty any more - at all! “Have I died? Is this the afterlife? Why are you biting me in the afterlife?” “Sorry about that, but I had to bite you,” says the snake. “That’s the way I work. It all comes through the bite. Think of it as natural medicine.” “You bit me to help me? Why aren’t I thirsty any more? Did you give me a drink before you bit me? How did I drink enough while unconscious to not be thirsty any more? I haven’t had a drink for over two days. Well, except for the windshield wiper fluid… hold it, how in the world does a snake talk? Are you real? Are you some sort of Disney animation?” “No,” says the snake, “I’m real. As real as you or anyone is, anyway. I didn’t give you a drink. I bit you. That’s how it works - it’s what I do. I bite. I don’t have hands to give you a drink, even if I had water just sitting around here.” The man sat stunned for a minute. Here he was, sitting in the middle of the desert on some strange stone that should be hot but wasn’t, talking to a snake that could talk back and had just bitten him. And he felt better. Not great - he was still starving and exhausted, but much better - he was no longer thirsty. He had started to sweat again, but only slightly. He felt hot, in this sun, but it was starting to get lower in the sky, and the cool stone beneath him was a relief he could notice now that he was no longer dying of thirst. “I might suggest that we take care of that methanol you now have in your system with the next request,” continued the snake. “I can guess why you drank it, but I’m not sure how much you drank, or how much methanol was left in the wiper fluid. That stuff is nasty. It’ll make you go blind in a day or two, if you drank enough of it.” “Ummm, n-next request?” said the man. He put his hand back on his hurting shoulder and backed away from the snake a little. “That’s the way it works. If you like, that is,” explained the snake. “You get three requests. Call them wishes, if you wish.” The snake grinned at his own joke, and the man drew back a little further from the show of fangs. “But there are rules,” the snake continued. “The first request is free. The second requires an agreement of secrecy. The third requires the binding of responsibility.” The snake looks at the man seriously. “By the way,” the snake says suddenly, “my name is Nathan. Old Nathan, Samuel used to call me. He gave me the name. Before that, most of the Bound used to just call me ‘Snake’. But that got old, and Samuel wouldn’t stand for it. He said that anything that could talk needed a name. He was big into names. You can call me Nate, if you wish.” Again, the snake grinned. “Sorry if I don’t offer to shake, but I think you can understand - my shake sounds somewhat threatening.” The snake give his rattle a little shake. “Umm, my name is Jack,” said the man, trying to absorb all of this. “Jack Samson. “Can I ask you a question?” Jack says suddenly. “What happened to the poison…umm, in your bite. Why aren’t I dying now? How did you do that? What do you mean by that’s how you work?” “That’s more than one question,” grins Nate. “But I’ll still try to answer all of them. First, yes, you can ask me a question.” The snake’s grin gets wider. “Second, the poison is in you. It changed you. You now no longer need to drink. That’s what you asked for. Or, well, technically, you asked to not be thirsty any more - but ‘any more’ is such a vague term. I decided to make it permanent - now, as long as you live, you shouldn’t need to drink much at all. Your body will conserve water very efficiently. You should be able to get enough just from the food you eat - much like a creature of the desert. You’ve been changed. “For the third question,” Nate continues, “you are still dying. Besides the effects of that methanol in your system, you’re a man - and men are mortal. In your current state, I give you no more than about another 50 years. Assuming you get out of this desert, alive, that is.” Nate seemed vastly amused at his own humor, and continued his wide grin. “As for the fourth question,” Nate said, looking more serious as far as Jack could tell, as Jack was just now working on his ability to read talking-snake emotions from snake facial features, “first you have to agree to make a second request and become bound by the secrecy, or I can’t tell you.” “Wait,” joked Jack, “isn’t this where you say you could tell me, but you’d have to kill me?” “I thought that was implied.” Nate continued to look serious. “Ummm…yeah.” Jack leaned back a little as he remembered again that he was talking to a fifteen foot poisonous reptile with a reputation for having a nasty temper. “So, what is this ‘Bound by Secrecy’ stuff, and can you really stop the effects of the methanol?” Jack thought for a second. “And, what do you mean methanol, anyway? I thought these days they use ethanol in wiper fluid, and just denature it?” “They may, I don’t really know,” said Nate. “I haven’t gotten out in a while. Maybe they do. All I know is that I smell methanol on your breath and on that bottle in your pocket. And the blue color of the liquid when you pulled it out to drink some let me guess that it was wiper fluid. I assume that they still color wiper fluid blue?” “Yeah, they do,” said Jack. “I figured,” replied Nate. “As for being bound by secrecy - with the fulfillment of your next request, you will be bound to say nothing about me, this place, or any of the information I will tell you after that, when you decide to go back out to your kind. You won’t be allowed to talk about me, write about me, use sign language, charades, or even act in a way that will lead someone to guess correctly about me. You’ll be bound to secrecy. Of course, I’ll also ask you to promise not to give me away, and as I’m guessing that you’re a man of your word, you’ll never test the binding anyway, so you won’t notice.” Nate said the last part with utter confidence. Jack, who had always prided himself on being a man of his word, felt a little nervous at this. “Ummm, hey, Nate, who are you? How did you know that? Are you, umm, omniscient, or something?” Well, Jack,” said Nate sadly, “I can’t tell you that, unless you make the second request.” Nate looked away for a minute, then looked back. “Umm, well, ok,” said Jack, “what is this about a second request? What can I ask for? Are you allowed to tell me that?” “Sure!” said Nate, brightening. “You’re allowed to ask for changes. Changes to yourself. They’re like wishes, but they can only affect you. Oh, and before you ask, I can’t give you immortality. Or omniscience. Or omnipresence, for that matter. Though I might be able to make you gaseous and yet remain alive, and then you could spread through the atmosphere and sort of be omnipresent. But what good would that be - you still wouldn’t be omniscient and thus still could only focus on one thing at a time. Not very useful, at least in my opinion.” Nate stopped when he realized that Jack was staring at him. “Well, anyway,” continued Nate, “I’d probably suggest giving you permanent good health. It would negate the methanol now in your system, you’d be immune to most poisons and diseases, and you’d tend to live a very long time, barring accident, of course. And you’ll even have a tendency to recover from accidents well. It always seemed like a good choice for a request to me.” “Cure the methanol poisoning, huh?” said Jack. “And keep me healthy for a long time? Hmmm. It doesn’t sound bad at that. And it has to be a request about a change to me? I can’t ask to be rich, right? Because that’s not really a change to me?” “Right,” nodded Nate. “Could I ask to be a genius and permanently healthy?” Jack asked, hopefully. “That takes two requests, Jack.” “Yeah, I figured so,” said Jack. “But I could ask to be a genius? I could become the smartest scientist in the world? Or the best athlete?” “Well, I could make you very smart,” admitted Nate, “but that wouldn’t necessarily make you the best scientist in the world. Or, I could make you very athletic, but it wouldn’t necessarily make you the best athlete either. You’ve heard the saying that 99% of genius is hard work? Well, there’s some truth to that. I can give you the talent, but I can’t make you work hard. It all depends on what you decide to do with it.” “Hmmm,” said Jack. “Ok, I think I understand. And I get a third request, after this one?” “Maybe,” said Nate, “it depends on what you decide then. There are more rules for the third request that I can only tell you about after the second request. You know how it goes.” Nate looked like he’d shrug, if he had shoulders. “Ok, well, since I’d rather not be blind in a day or two, and permanent health doesn’t sound bad, then consider that my second request. Officially. Do I need to sign in blood or something?” “No,” said Nate. “Just hold out your hand. Or heel.” Nate grinned. “Or whatever part you want me to bite. I have to bite you again. Like I said, that’s how it works - the poison, you know,” Nate said apologetically. Jack winced a little and felt his shoulder, where the last bite was. Hey, it didn’t hurt any more. Just like Nate had said. That made Jack feel better about the biting business. But still, standing still while a fifteen foot snake sunk it’s fangs into you. Jack stood up. Ignoring how good it felt to be able to stand again, and the hunger starting to gnaw at his stomach, Jack tried to decide where he wanted to get bitten. Despite knowing that it wouldn’t hurt for long, Jack knew that this wasn’t going to be easy. “Hey, Jack,” Nate suddenly said, looking past Jack towards the dunes behind him, “is that someone else coming up over there?” Jack spun around and looked. Who else could be out here in the middle of nowhere? And did they bring food? Wait a minute, there was nobody over there. What was Nate… Jack let out a bellow as he felt two fangs sink into his rear end, through his jeans… Jack sat down carefully, favoring his more tender buttock. “I would have decided, eventually, Nate. I was just thinking about it. You didn’t have to hoodwink me like that.” “I’ve been doing this a long time, Jack,” said Nate, confidently. “You humans have a hard time sitting still and letting a snake bite you - especially one my size. And besides, admit it - it’s only been a couple of minutes and it already doesn’t hurt any more, does it? That’s because of the health benefit with this one. I told you that you’d heal quickly now.” “Yeah, well, still,” said Jack, “it’s the principle of the thing. And nobody likes being bitten in the butt! Couldn’t you have gotten my calf or something instead?” “More meat in the typical human butt,” replied Nate. “And less chance you accidentally kick me or move at the last second.” “Yeah, right. So, tell me all of these wonderful secrets that I now qualify to hear,” answered Jack. “Ok,” said Nate. “Do you want to ask questions first, or do you want me to just start talking?” “Just talk,” said Jack. “I’ll sit here and try to not think about food.” “We could go try to rustle up some food for you first, if you like,” answered Nate. “Hey! You didn’t tell me you had food around here, Nate!” Jack jumped up. “What do we have? Am I in walking distance to town? Or can you magically whip up food along with your other powers?” Jack was almost shouting with excitement. His stomach had been growling for hours. “I was thinking more like I could flush something out of its hole and bite it for you, and you could skin it and eat it. Assuming you have a knife, that is,” replied Nate, with the grin that Jack was starting to get used to. “Ugh,” said Jack, sitting back down. “I think I’ll pass. I can last a little longer before I get desperate enough to eat desert rat, or whatever else it is you find out here. And there’s nothing to burn - I’d have to eat it raw. No thanks. Just talk.” “Ok,” replied Nate, still grinning. “But I’d better hurry, before you start looking at me as food. Nate reared back a little, looked around for a second, and then continued. “You, Jack, are sitting in the middle of the Garden of Eden.” Jack looked around at the sand and dunes and then looked back at Nate sceptically. “Well, that’s the best I can figure it, anyway, Jack,” said Nate. “Stand up and look at the symbol on the rock here.” Nate gestured around the dark stone they were both sitting on with his nose. Jack stood up and looked. Carved into the stone in a bas-relief was a representation of a large tree. The angled-pole that Nate was wrapped around was coming out of the trunk of the tree, right below where the main branches left the truck to reach out across the stone. It was very well done - it looked more like a tree had been reduced to almost two dimensions and embedded in the stone than it did like a carving. Jack walked around and looked at the details in the fading light of the setting sun. He wished he’d looked at it while the sun was higher in the sky. Wait! The sun was setting! That meant he was going to have to spend another night out here! Arrrgh! Jack looked out across the desert for a little bit, and then came back and stood next to Nate. “In all the excitement, I almost forgot, Nate,” said Jack. “Which way is it back to town? And how far? I’m eventually going to have to head back - I’m not sure I’ll be able to survive by eating raw desert critters for long. And even if I can, I’m not sure I’ll want to.” “It’s about 30 miles that way.” Nate pointed, with the rattle on his tail this time. As far as Jack could tell, it was a direction at right angles to the way he’d been going when he was crawling here. “But that’s 30 miles by the way the crow flies. It’s about 40 by the way a man walks. You should be able to do it in about half a day with your improved endurance, if you head out early tomorrow, Jack.” Jack looked out the way the snake had pointed for a few seconds more, and then sat back down. It was getting dark. Not much he could do about heading out right now. And besides, Nate was just about to get to the interesting stuff. “Garden of Eden? As best as you can figure it?” “Well, yeah, as best as I and Samuel could figure it anyway,” said Nate. “He figured that the story just got a little mixed up. You know, snake, in a ‘tree’, offering ‘temptations’, making bargains. That kind stuff. But he could never quite figure out how the Hebrews found out about this spot from across the ocean. He worried about that for a while.” “Garden of Eden, hunh?” said Jack. “How long have you been here, Nate?” “No idea, really,” replied Nate. “A long time. It never occurred to me to count years, until recently, and by then, of course, it was too late. But I do remember when this whole place was green, so I figure it’s been thousands of years, at least.” “So, are you the snake that tempted Eve?” said Jack. “Beats me,” said Nate. “Maybe. I can’t remember if the first one of your kind that I talked to was female or not, and I never got a name, but it could have been. And I suppose she could have considered my offer to grant requests a ‘temptation’, though I’ve rarely had refusals.” “Well, umm, how did you get here then? And why is that white pole stuck out of the stone there?” asked Jack. “Dad left me here. Or, I assume it was my dad. It was another snake - much bigger than I was back then. I remember talking to him, but I don’t remember if it was in a language, or just kind of understanding what he wanted. But one day, he brought me to this stone, told me about it, and asked me to do something for him. I talked it over with him for a while, then agreed. I’ve been here ever since. “What is this place?” said Jack. “And what did he ask you to do?” “Well, you see this pole here, sticking out of the stone?” Nate loosened his coils around the tilted white pole and showed Jack where it descended into the stone. The pole was tilted at about a 45 degree angle and seemed to enter the stone in an eighteen inch slot cut into the stone. Jack leaned over and looked. The slot was dark and the pole went down into it as far as Jack could see in the dim light. Jack reached out to touch the pole, but Nate was suddenly there in the way. “You can’t touch that yet, Jack,” said Nate. “Why not?” asked Jack. “I haven’t explained it to you yet,” replied Nate. “Well, it kinda looks like a lever or something,” said Jack. “You’d push it that way, and it would move in the slot.” “Yep, that’s what it is,” replied Nate. “What does it do?” asked Jack. “End the world?” “Oh, no,” said Nate. “Nothing that drastic. It just ends humanity. I call it ‘The Lever of Doom’.” For the last few words Nate had used a deeper, ringing voice. He tried to look serious for a few seconds, and then gave up and grinned. Jack was initially startled by Nate’s pronouncement, but when Nate grinned Jack laughed. “Ha! You almost had me fooled for a second there. What does it really do?” “Oh, it really ends humanity, like I said,” smirked Nate. “I just thought the voice I used was funny, didn’t you?” Nate continued to grin. “A lever to end humanity?” asked Jack. “What in the world is that for? Why would anyone need to end humanity?” “Well,” replied Nate, “I get the idea that maybe humanity was an experiment. Or maybe the Big Guy just thought, that if humanity started going really bad, there should be a way to end it. I’m not really sure. All I know are the rules, and the guesses that Samuel and I had about why it’s here. I didn’t think to ask back when I started here.” “Rules? What rules?” asked Jack. “The rules are that I can’t tell anybody about it or let them touch it unless they agree to be bound to secrecy by a bite. And that only one human can be bound in that way at a time. That’s it.” explained Nate. Jack looked somewhat shocked. “You mean that I could pull the lever now? You’d let me end humanity?” “Yep,” replied Nate, “if you want to.” Nate looked at Jack carefully. “Do you want to, Jack?” “Umm, no.” said Jack, stepping a little further back from the lever. “Why in the world would anyone want to end humanity? It’d take a psychotic to want that! Or worse, a suicidal psychotic, because it would kill him too, wouldn’t it?” “Yep,” replied Nate, “being as he’d be human too.” “Has anyone ever seriously considered it?” asked Nate. “Any of those bound to secrecy, that is?” “Well, of course, I think they’ve all seriously considered it at one time or another. Being given that kind of responsibility makes you sit down and think, or so I’m told. Samuel considered it several times. He’d often get disgusted with humanity, come out here, and just hold the lever for a while. But he never pulled it. Or you wouldn’t be here.” Nate grinned some more. Jack sat down, well back from the lever. He looked thoughtful and puzzled at the same time. After a bit, he said, “So this makes me the Judge of humanity? I get to decide whether they keep going or just end? Me?” “That seems to be it,” agreed Nate. “What kind of criteria do I use to decide?” said Jack. “How do I make this decision? Am I supposed to decide if they’re good? Or too many of them are bad? Or that they’re going the wrong way? Is there a set of rules for that?” “Nope,” replied Nate. “You pretty much just have to decide on your own. It’s up to you, however you want to decide it. I guess that you’re just supposed to know.” “But what if I get mad at someone? Or some girl dumps me and I feel horrible? Couldn’t I make a mistake? How do I know that I won’t screw up?” protested Jack. Nate gave his kind of snake-like shrug again. “You don’t. You just have to try your best, Jack.” Jack sat there for a while, staring off into the desert that was rapidly getting dark, chewing on a fingernail. Suddenly, Jack turned around and looked at the snake. “Nate, was Samuel the one bound to this before me?” “Yep,” replied Nate. “He was a good guy. Talked to me a lot. Taught me to read and brought me books. I think I still have a good pile of them buried in the sand around here somewhere. I still miss him. He died a few months ago.” “Sounds like a good guy,” agreed Jack. “How did he handle this, when you first told him. What did he do?” “Well,” said Nate, “he sat down for a while, thought about it for a bit, and then asked me some questions, much like you’re doing.” “What did he ask you, if you’re allowed to tell me?” asked Jack. “He asked me about the third request,” replied Nate. “Aha!” It was Jack’s turn to grin. “And what did you tell him?” “I told him the rules for the third request. That to get the third request you have to agree to this whole thing. That if it ever comes to the point that you really think that humanity should be ended, that you’ll come here and end it. You won’t avoid it, and you won’t wimp out.” Nate looked serious again. “And you’ll be bound to do it too, Jack.” “Hmmm.” Jack looked back out into the darkness for a while. Nate watched him, waiting. “Nate,” continued Jack, quietly, eventually. “What did Samuel ask for with his third request?” Nate sounded like he was grinning again as he replied, also quietly, “Wisdom, Jack. He asked for wisdom. As much as I could give him.” “Ok,” said Jack, suddenly, standing up and facing away from Nate, “give it to me. Nate looked at Jack’s backside. “Give you what, Jack?” “Give me that wisdom. The same stuff that Samuel asked for. If it helped him, maybe it’ll help me too.” Jack turned his head to look back over his shoulder at Nate. “It did help him, right?” “He said it did,” replied Nate. “But he seemed a little quieter afterward. Like he had a lot to think about.” “Well, yeah, I can see that,” said Jack. “So, give it to me.” Jack turned toface away from Nate again, bent over slightly and tensed up. Nate watched Jack tense up with a little exasperation. If he bit Jack now, Jack would likely jump out of his skin and maybe hurt them both. “You remember that you’ll be bound to destroy humanity if it ever looks like it needs it, right Jack?” asked Nate, shifting position. “Yeah, yeah, I got that,” replied Jack, eyes squeezed tightly shut and body tense, not noticing the change in direction of Nate’s voice. “And,” continued Nate, from his new position, “do you remember that you’ll turn bright purple, and grow big horns and extra eyes?” “Yeah, yeah…Hey, wait a minute!” said Jack, opening his eyes, straightening up and turning around. “Purple?!” He didn’t see Nate there. With the moonlight Jack could see that the lever extended up from its slot in the rock without the snake wrapped around it. Jack heard, from behind him, Nate’s “Just Kidding!” right before he felt the now familiar piercing pain, this time in the other buttock. Jack sat on the edge of the dark stone in the rapidly cooling air, his feet extending out into the sand. He stared out into the darkness, listening to the wind stir the sand, occasionally rubbing his butt where he’d been recently bitten. Nate had left for a little while, had come back with a desert-rodent-shaped bulge somewhere in his middle, and was now wrapped back around the lever, his tongue flicking out into the desert night’s air the only sign that he was still awake. Occasionally Jack, with his toes absentmindedly digging in the sand while he thought, would ask Nate a question without turning around. “Nate, do accidents count?” Nate lifted his head a little bit. “What do you mean, Jack?” Jack tilted his head back like he was looking at the stars. “You know, accidents. If I accidentally fall on the lever, without meaning to, does that still wipe out humanity?” “Yeah, I’m pretty sure it does, Jack. I’d suggest you be careful about that if you start feeling wobbly,” said Nate with some amusement. A little later - “Does it have to be me that pulls the lever?” asked Jack. “That’s the rule, Jack. Nobody else can pull it,” answered Nate. “No,” Jack shook his head, “I meant does it have to be my hand? Could I pull the lever with a rope tied around it? Or push it with a stick? Or throw a rock?” “Yes, those should work,” replied Nate. “Though I’m not sure how complicated you could get. Samuel thought about trying to build some kind of remote control for it once, but gave it up. Everything he’d build would be gone by the next sunrise, if it was touching the stone, or over it. I told him that in the past others that had been bound had tried to bury the lever so they wouldn’t be tempted to pull it, but every time the stones or sand or whatever had disappeared.” “Wow,” said Jack, “Cool.” Jack leaned back until only his elbows kept him off of the stone and looked up into the sky. “Nate, how long did Samuel live? One of his wishes was for health too, right?” asked Jack. “Yes,” replied Nate, “it was. He lived 167 years, Jack.” “Wow, 167 years. That’s almost 140 more years I’ll live if I live as long. Do you know what he died of, Nate?” “He died of getting tired of living, Jack,” Nate said, sounding somewhat sad. Jack turned his head to look at Nate in the starlight. Nate looked back. “Samuel knew he wasn’t going to be able to stay in society. He figured that they’d eventually see him still alive and start questioning it, so he decided that he’d have to disappear after a while. He faked his death once, but changed his mind - he decided it was too early and he could stay for a little longer. He wasn’t very fond of mankind, but he liked the attention. Most of the time, anyway. “His daughter and then his wife dying almost did him in though. He didn’t stay in society much longer after that. He eventually came out here to spend time talking to me and thinking about pulling the lever. A few months ago he told me he’d had enough. It was his time.” “And then he just died?” asked Jack. Nate shook his head a little. “He made his forth request, Jack. There’s only one thing you can ask for the fourth request. The last bite. After a bit Nate continued, “He told me that he was tired, that it was his time. He reassured me that someone new would show up soon, like they always had. After another pause, Nate finished, “Samuel’s body disappeared off the stone with the sunrise.” Jack lay back down and looked at the sky, leaving Nate alone with his memories. It was a long time until Jack’s breathing evened out into sleep. Jack woke with the sunrise the next morning. He was a little chilled with the morning desert air, but overall was feeling pretty good. Well, except that his stomach was grumbling and he wasn’t willing to eat raw desert rat. So, after getting directions to town from Nate, making sure he knew how to get back, and reassuring Nate that he’d be back soon, Jack started the long walk back to town. With his new health and Nate’s good directions, he made it back easily. Jack caught a bus back to the city, and showed up for work the next day, little worse for the wear and with a story about getting lost in the desert and walking back out. Within a couple of days Jack had talked a friend with a tow truck into going back out into the desert with him to fetch the SUV. They found it after a couple of hours of searching and towed it back without incident. Jack was careful not to even look in the direction of Nate’s lever, though their path back didn’t come within sight of it. Before the next weekend, Jack had gone to a couple of stores, including a book store, and had gotten his SUV back from the mechanic, with a warning to avoid any more joyriding in the desert. On Saturday, Jack headed back to see Nate. Jack parked a little way out of the small town near Nate, loaded up his new backpack with camping gear and the things he was bringing for Nate, and then started walking. He figured that walking would leave the least trail, and he knew that while not many people camped in the desert, it wasn’t unheard of, and shouldn’t really raise suspicions. Jack had brought more books for Nate - recent books, magazines, newspapers. Some things that would catch Nate up with what was happening in the world, others that were just good books to read. He spent the weekend with Nate, and then headed out again, telling Nate that he’d be back again soon, but that he had things to do first. Over four months later Jack was back to see Nate again. This time he brought a laptop with him - a specially modified laptop. It had a solar recharger, special filters and seals to keep out the sand, a satellite link-up, and a special keyboard and joystick that Jack hoped that a fifteen-foot rattlesnake would be able to use. And, it had been hacked to not give out its location to the satellite. After that Jack could e-mail Nate to keep in touch, but still visited him fairly regularly - at least once or twice a year. After the first year, Jack quit his job. For some reason, with the wisdom he ‘d been given, and the knowledge that he could live for over 150 years, working in a nine to five job for someone else didn’t seem that worthwhile any more. Jack went back to school. Eventually, Jack started writing. Perhaps because of the wisdom, or perhaps because of his new perspective, he wrote well. People liked what he wrote, and he became well known for it. After a time, Jack bought an RV and started traveling around the country for book signings and readings. But, he still remembered to drop by and visit Nate occasionally. On one of the visits Nate seemed quieter than usual. Not that Nate had been a fountain of joy lately. Jack’s best guess was that Nate was still missing Samuel, and though Jack had tried, he still hadn’t been able to replace Samuel in Nate’s eyes. Nate had been getting quieter each visit. But on this visit Nate didn’t even speak when Jack walked up to the lever. He nodded at Jack, and then went back to staring into the desert. Jack, respecting Nate’s silence, sat down and waited. After a few minutes, Nate spoke. “Jack, I have someone to introduce you to.” Jack looked surprised. “Someone to introduce me to?” Jack looked around, and then looked carefully back at Nate. “This something to do with the Big Guy? “No, no,” replied Nate. “This is more personal. I want you to meet my son.” Nate looked over at the nearest sand dune. “Sammy!” Jack watched as a four foot long desert rattlesnake crawled from behind the dune and up to the stone base of the lever. “Yo, Jack,” said the new, much smaller snake. “Yo, Sammy” replied Jack. Jack looked at Nate. “Named after Samuel, I assume?” Nate nodded. “Jack, I’ve got a favor to ask you. Could you show Sammy around for me?” Nate unwrapped himself from the lever and slithered over to the edge of the stone and looked across the sands. “When Samuel first told me about the world, and brought me books and pictures, I wished that I could go see it. I wanted to see the great forests, the canyons, the cities, even the other deserts, to see if they felt and smelled the same. I want my son to have that chance - to see the world. Before he becomes bound here like I have been. “He’s seen it in pictures, over the computer that you brought me. But I hear that it’s not the same. That being there is different. I want him to have that. Think you can do that for me, Jack?” Jack nodded. This was obviously very important to Nate, so Jack didn’t even joke about taking a talking rattlesnake out to see the world. “Yeah, I can do that for you, Nate. Is that all you need?” Jack could sense that was something more. Nate looked at Sammy. Sammy looked back at Nate for a second and then said, “Oh, yeah. Ummm, I’ve gotta go pack. Back in a little bit Jack. Nice to meet ya!” Sammy slithered back over the dune and out of sight. Nate watched Sammy disappear and then looked back at Jack. “Jack, this is my first son. My first offspring through all the years. You don’t even want to know what it took for me to find a mate.” Nate grinned to himself. “But anyway, I had a son for a reason. I’m tired. I’m ready for it to be over. I needed a replacement.” Jack considered this for a minute. “So, you’re ready to come see the world, and you wanted him to watch the lever while you were gone?” Nate shook his head. “No, Jack - you’re a better guesser than that. You’ve already figured out - I’m bound here - there’s only one way for me to leave here. And I’m ready. It’s my time to die.” Jack looked more closely at Nate. He could tell Nate had thought about this - probably for quite a while. Jack had trouble imagining what it would be like to be as old as Nate, but Jack could already tell that in another hundred or two hundred years, he might be getting tired of life himself. Jack could understand Samuel’s decision, and now Nate’s. So, all Jack said was, “What do you want me to do?” Nate nodded. “Thanks, Jack. I only want two things. One - show Sammy around the world - let him get his fill of it, until he’s ready to come back here and take over. Two - give me the fourth request. “I can’t just decide to die, not any more than you can. I won’t even die of old age like you eventually will, even though it’ll be a long time from now. I need to be killed. Once Sammy is back here, ready to take over, I’ll be able to die. And I need you to kill me. “I’ve even thought about how. Poisons and other drugs won’t work on me. And I’ve seen pictures of snakes that were shot - some of them live for days, so that’s out too. So, I want you to bring back a sword. Nate turned away to look back to the dune that Sammy had gone behind. “I’d say an axe, but that’s somewhat undignified - putting my head on the ground or a chopping block like that. No, I like a sword. A time-honored way of going out. A dignified way to die. And, most importantly, it should work, even on me. “You willing to do that for me, Jack?” Nate turned back to look at Jack. “Yeah, Nate,” replied Jack solemnly, “I think I can handle that.” Nate nodded. “Good!” He turned back toward the dune and shouted, “Sammy! Jack’s about ready to leave!” Then quietly, “Thanks, Jack.” Jack didn’t have anything to say to that, so he waited for Sammy to make it back to the lever, nodded to him, nodded a final time to Nate, and then headed into the desert with Sammy following. Over the next several years Sammy and Jack kept in touch with Nate through e-mail as they went about their adventures. They made a goal of visiting every country in the world, and did a respectable job of it. Sammy had a natural gift for languages, as Jack expected he would, and even ended up acting as a translator for Jack in a few of the countries. Jack managed to keep the talking rattlesnake hidden, even so, and by the time they were nearing the end of their tour of countries, Sammy had only been spotted a few times. While there were several people that had seen enough to startle them greatly, nobody had enough evidence to prove anything, and while a few wild rumors and storied followed Jack and Sammy around, nothing ever hit the newspapers or the public in general. When they finished the tour of countries, Jack suggested that they try some undersea diving. They did. And spelunking. They did that too. Sammy finally drew the line at visiting Antarctica. He’d come to realize that Jack was stalling. After talking to his Dad about it over e-mail, he figured out that Jack probably didn’t want to have to kill Nate. Nate told Sammy that humans could be squeamish about killing friends and acquaintances. So, Sammy eventually put his tail down (as he didn’t have a foot) and told Jack that it was time - he was ready to go back and take up his duties from his dad. Jack, delayed it a little more by insisting that they go back to Japan and buy an appropriate sword. He even stretched it a little more by getting lessons in how to use the sword. But, eventually, he’d learned as much as he was likely to without dedicating his life to it, and was definitely competent enough to take the head off of a snake. It was time to head back and see Nate. When they got back to the US, Jack got the old RV out of storage where he and Sammy had left it after their tour of the fifty states, he loaded up Sammy and the sword, and they headed for the desert. When they got to the small town that Jack had been trying to find those years ago when he’d met Nate, Jack was in a funk. He didn’t really feel like walking all of the way out there. Not only that, but he’d forgotten to figure the travel time correctly, and it was late afternoon. They’d either have to spend the night in town and walk out tomorrow, or walk in the dark. As Jack was afraid that if he waited one more night he might lose his resolve, he decided that he’d go ahead and drive the RV out there. It was only going to be this once, and Jack would go back and cover the tracks afterward. They ought to be able to make it out there by nightfall if they drove, and then they could get it over tonight. Jack told Sammy to e-mail Nate that they were coming as he drove out of sight of the town on the road. They then pulled off the road and headed out into the desert. Everything went well, until they got to the sand dunes. Jack had been nursing the RV along the whole time, over the rocks, through the creek beds, revving the engine the few times they almost got stuck. When they came to the dunes, Jack didn’t really think about it, he just downshifted and headed up the first one. By the third dune, Jack started to regret that he’d decided to try driving on the sand. The RV was fishtailling and losing traction. Jack was having to work it up each dune slowly and was trying to keep from losing control each time they came over the top and slid down the other side. Sammy had come up to sit in the passenger seat, coiled up and laughing at Jack’s driving. As they came over the top of the fourth dune, the biggest one yet, Jack saw that this was the final dune - the stone, the lever, and somewhere Nate, waited below. Jack put on the brakes, but he’d gone a little too far. The RV started slipping down the other side. Jack tried turning the wheel, but he didn’t have enough traction. He pumped the brakes - no response. They started sliding down the hill, faster and faster. Jack felt a shock go through him as he suddenly realized that they were heading for the lever. He looked down - the RV was directly on course for it. If Jack didn’t do something, the RV would hit it. He was about to end humanity. Jack steered more frantically, trying to get traction. It still wasn’t working. The dune was too steep, and the sand too loose. In a split second, Jack realized that his only chance would be once he hit the stone around the lever - he should have traction on the stone for just a second before he hit the lever - he wouldn’t have time to stop, but he should be able to steer away. Jack took a better grip on the steering wheel and tried to turn the RV a little bit - every little bit would help. He’d have to time his turn just right. The RV got to the bottom of the dune, sliding at an amazing speed in the sand. Just before they reached the stone Jack looked across it to check that they were still heading for the lever. They were. But Jack noticed something else that he hadn’t seen from the top of the dune. Nate wasn’t wrapped around the lever. He was off to the side of the lever, but still on the stone, waiting for them. The problem was, he was waiting on the same side of the lever that Jack had picked to steer towards to avoid the lever. The RV was already starting to drift that way a little in its mad rush across the sand and there was no way that Jack was going to be able to go around the lever to the other side. Jack had an instant of realization. He was either going to have to hit the lever, or run over Nate. He glanced over at Sammy and saw that Sammy realized the same thing. Jack took a firmer grip on the steering wheel as the RV ran up on the stone. Shouting to Sammy as he pulled the steering wheel, “BETTER NATE THAN LEVER,” he ran over the snake. THE END (No one said it was the longest FUNNY joke in the world)

I met the man of my life, but how can i get him to meet up again? Then he replied briefly said, maybe it was my Chinese humour and he was German, and he couldn’t enjoy the fun in that message. He said, he didn’t like the behavior and style. I sent back an email telling him that I felt sorry about my few emails to him. I said I had been trying to distant myself from my feelings about him. I said he had been on my mind often and I for the first time felt it was something quite new to me. (it was true that I have never felt so much about a person like him before). I said I had been behave in a way I myself also felt strange and a bit uneasy too. And I felt my emails might have disturbed him and troubled him which I would never wanted in a way. So I have decided to cool down and get back to my own self and find out what is happening to me and what I really wanted. Then I said I wished him to take good care of himself, not working too hard, taking good of his stomach( I noticed he was quite particular about food but he still missed his meal here and there), and safe driving ( I felt he was a bit careless when he was driving sometimes). And wished him a happy new year ahead. After two days in New year day 2, he replied me with an email as following: Thank you very much for your E-mails and also for your honest replies. I feel a bit guilt, that I was very reserved to you during the last weeks and reacted in case of your sms on Sunday quiet harsh and even unfair. This made me sad, because I find that you are a very kind and charming person, who I enjoyed meeting, but who tries to push me into her life without understanding that I withdraw more and more with each attempt. Sorry, I did not know anymore, how to prevent you from sending me many, extremely long E-mails, which were so well written in perfect English but just telling me “funny" stories about our innocent friendship and praising and making me compliments so many times. Never ever in my life, somebody said so often without any reason “sorry” and “excuse” to me. This let me feel very uneasy and scared me off. After your last E-mail, I feel much better, because now, your behavior and writing is not as contradicting anymore and I don't feel like somebody wants to trapp me in. I didn’t want to reply, I was almost in tears when I read it, I felt we actually both were understanding to each other, both very kind person, but it has been so difficult to get both connected like this, and this was so precious, I was happier than sad, I was sad because I felt pain when I read that he had been sad… I didn’t want him to be unhappy and troubled. I didn’t reply because I felt I could only say, “thank you for your reply and understanding, I understand. “But I didn’t think that would be a proper email, so the following day I replied something like this-- Sorry I was not able to reply your email yesterday as I was getting my punishment --needed to prepare presentation for today's class, and I couldn't get the PDF995 working...anyway, from now on, my passion for writing about daily life, little things, people, and places will be mostly shifted to boring essay, report and paper writings...in order to survive, I am thinking of picking up drawing cartoons... Thank you very much for your email and sharing. I guess I can understand...I have been feeling bad about myself these days. As for the Sunday sms, it was a fun and joking sms, but it was not appropriate to be sent to you, I should have expected the misunderstanding, and to top it off, I commented you were oversensitive...Is there anyway I can take back those words? Too late? I have been thinking about a best way to punish myself, such as eat four meals a day instead of 3 meals, no smile at all for one day...not easy to find one..what could you suggest? He didn’t reply. After few days, I tried to start chat as if nothing happened before. And we had a few times very pleasant chat last week about religion, culture, history and jokes. It was very nice feelings. Saturday evening on the chat he even told me he was checking houses whole day with property agent, he wanted to buy a house. All went quite happily, but evening, I sent him an sms asked if he was free to meet up for a drink. He said he was on his way with friends to a party. The following day I saw the party picture on his friend’s party where he brought a girl as partner to the party. It was almost the same group of friends he brought me to the party before. I felt a bit sad but I was thinking maybe I shouldn’t disturb him any more since he has been seeing new girl.

What should I do now? How could I (Gemni)get him (Virgo)to contact me or meet up again? I am Gemini lady. I met a Virgo man online and we emailed each other a few times and have chatted a few times before we met in person. During this period, he was overall taking his initiative in contacting me and asking me out to meet up. We met up for dinner and it was a very pleasant evening. The third day after our first meeting up, he invited me to join him to his good friend’s party. There and then he introduced me to his close gang of friends. It turned out to be still very good. The following days we sms each other. Weekend, he sms me asked for meeting up but I couldn’t make it because I had to work. The second week, we decided to go for a movie and it was good too. The third week we went for another movie, and while waiting for the movie, he bought me a small piglet gift when he knew I was born in the year of pig. All these meetings, we had very pleasant chat about different topics, culture, traveling, history, politics, and even each other’s families. He even told me about his brother’s sad story of having some incurable disease. During these few weeks, from our meetings, and chats, I built up my respect and trust at him. He is a humble guy, very hard working, successful, knowledgeable, caring, and has a big kid heart. He was very loyal and good to his friends and very responsible towards his clients. I had very good impression on him overall. During these weeks, he would send me sms telling me about his activities and checking how I was doing. But the third weekend, he sms me on Friday yet I was at work and couldn’t reply. By the time I found out, it was about 11pm . And that evening actually I had a difficult case, a lady died from some heart problem with still a 4 month babe, we couldn’t save her, and I had my tears all the way home after I walked out of hospital building at 10pm. So when I was home and found his sms, I was touched. So I emailed him that what happened to my evening work and shared with him my sadness about this event. Then I mentioned that he was a very nice person and my impression about him. That Satuday he didn’t sms me. Sunday I received email from him, saying that he felt I was too early and too much emotionally evolved regarding his personality, he said he enjoyed very much going out with me, he liked me “kind, humble, well educated and pretty” but he felt we should slow down and cool down, and if to meet up should still just be friend. I was shocked by his reply, because I didn’t feel I was trying to impress him or trying to tell him that I loved him. I wrote that email simply out of my mind there and then to a good friend. But I still replied him that I thanked for his reminder and I also agreed that we should still meet as friend, and not into anything in rush. Then he replied saying that he had his bad experience and also experience from his friend that some girls would refuse to let go after break up, and did something very aggressive, he hoped I would not be like that. He said he didn’t want to hurt me any more. I was even more shocked but thinking maybe he was hurt and scared by those experiences. I was wondering when he hurt me. I was even more shocked but thinking maybe he was hurt and scared by those experiences. I replied that I felt sorry for the bad experience he and his friend had, and I also hold that any feelings should not be pushed or forced. Then he replied that, we still could meet up for a coffee, or some food one of these days. I have never encountered a situation like that before. I felt we should meet up and clear the misunderstanding. So I replied I agreed and suggest if he would be convenient to meet up the following week. But he never replied. I felt it was getting more and more serious and I tried to send him sms about once a week and he still replied politely. After one week, I tried to invite him to join me to a book affair, he didn’t reply to my email. And after two days I sent him sms some simple greetings. He replied, said he had been busy and he was going to Japan for 10 days. I just replied politely. We didn’t contact during that 10 days. Till he came back from Japan , I was online, and he came online, he didn’t greet me, I said hello to him, then we started chat a bit about his Japan trip. But no more than that. That week we only chatted on msn twice and each time I was the one to start the chat. And 5 days later he told me he was going to Laos alone for another 5 days for holiday. He would be back on Christmas only. So there was another 5 days, during his Laos traveling, we chatted once or twice on msn when he came on net and he was excited to tell me things about Laos . He sent me Christmas greeting message by phone. That evening, I went for my holiday with my female friend for 5 days. I told him about that too. And when I came back from holiday we chatted once pleasantly on msn. He asked how my trip was. The following day, the last day of 2007. I forwarded to him a phone message joke from a friend, “I am sorry our relationship is going to end soon, and I will never come back to your life any more even if you wanted. Yours faithful, 2007.” He responded “ I feel very sorry too, because you showed your emotions early in our beginning of friendship, that is why I stopped seeing you. Have very good New year 2008”. I was shocked, so I replied an email to him. I said I didn’t know he would be so sensitive and serious. Then I said I although I had good impressions about him from the meetings, but it would not be enough for me to come to a conclusion about a person. I said I respected him very much and still thought he was a good person. I said I would not disturb him any more if he didn’t like. Then he replied briefly said, he couldn’t enjoy the fun in that message. He said, he didn’t like the behavior and style. I sent back an email telling him that I felt sorry about my few emails to him. I said I had been trying to distant myself from my feelings about him. I said he had been on my mind often and I for the first time felt it was something quite new to me. (it was true that I have never felt so much about a person like him before). I said I had been behave in a way I myself also felt strange and a bit uneasy too. And I felt my emails might have disturbed him and troubled him which I would never wanted in a way. So I have decided to cool down and get back to my own self and find out what is happening to me and what I really wanted. Then I said I wished him to take good care of himself, not working too hard, taking good of his stomach( I noticed he was quite particular about food but he still missed his meal here and there), and safe driving ( I felt he was a bit careless when he was driving sometimes). And wished him a happy new year ahead. After two days in New year day 2, he replied me with an email as following: Thank you very much for your E-mails and also for your honest replies. I feel a bit guilt, that I was very reserved to you during the last weeks and reacted in case of your sms on Sunday quiet harsh and even unfair. This made me sad, because I find that you are a very kind and charming person, who I enjoyed meeting, but who tries to push me into her life without understanding that I withdraw more and more with each attempt. Sorry, I did not know anymore, how to prevent you from sending me many, extremely long E-mails, which were so well written in perfect English but just telling me “funny" stories about our innocent friendship and praising and making me compliments so many times. Never ever in my life, somebody said so often without any reason “sorry” and “excuse” to me. This let me feel very uneasy and scared me off. After your last E-mail, I feel much better, because now, your behavior and writing is not as contradicting anymore and I don't feel like somebody wants to trapp me in. I didn’t want to reply, I was almost in tears when I read it, I felt we actually both were understanding to each other, both very kind person, but it has been so difficult to get both connected like this, and this was so precious, I was happier than sad, I was sad because I felt pain when I read that he had been sad… I didn’t want him to be unhappy and troubled. I didn’t reply because I felt I could only say, “thank you for your reply and understanding, I understand. “But I didn’t think that would be a proper email, so the following day I replied something like this-- Sorry I was not able to reply your email yesterday as I was getting my punishment --needed to prepare presentation for today's class, and I couldn't get the PDF995 working...anyway, from now on, my passion for writing about daily life, little things, people, and places will be mostly shifted to boring essay, report and paper writings...in order to survive, I am thinking of picking up drawing cartoons... Thank you very much for your email and sharing. I guess I can understand...I have been feeling bad about myself these days. As for the Sunday sms, it was a fun and joking sms, but it was not appropriate to be sent to you, I should have expected the misunderstanding, and to top it off, I commented you were oversensitive...Is there anyway I can take back those words? Too late? I have been thinking about a best way to punish myself, such as eat four meals a day instead of 3 meals, no smile at all for one day...not easy to find one..what could you suggest? He didn’t reply. After few days, I tried to start chat as if nothing happened before. And we had a few times very pleasant chat last week about religion, culture, history and jokes. It was very nice feelings. Saturday evening on the chat he even told me he was checking houses whole day with property agent, he wanted to buy a house. All went quite happily, but evening, I sent him an sms asked if he was free to meet up for a drink. He said he was on his way with friends to a party. The following day I saw the party picture on his friend’s party where he brought a girl as partner to the party. It was almost the same group of friends he brought me to the party before. I felt a bit sad but I was thinking maybe I shouldn’t disturb him any more since he has been seeing new girl. I felt I have done a few things wrong in this relationship. The first one maybe was the sad email from the event from work. The second thing was the subsequent 3 long emails I sent to him in different weeks telling something not so related. I was trying to put that we were still friends… but it became something troubled him and pressure to him from me. The third thing was the New year forwarded message cause misunderstanding further, but that was supposed to have been resolved or buffered a bit after his honest email in new year. The fourth one was my reply to him trying to cheer him up yet actually maybe make him misunderstood as I was not so care about his feelings. The last one was my Saturday message asked if he would like to meet up. Each time after I regretted and I wanted to show I was not somebody he even myself didn’t like but ended up it reflected worse and more his misunderstanding about myself… In my mind I wish we could continue to meet up as friend, so we could have chance to get to understand each other better, by then if nothing works out I would be more acceptable for giving up. But no matter what he is a good friend to have, and to me it is not necessary to be into a relationship, so long if it is good normal friendship it should be much better than the situation now. That is why I have been unable to settle my mind to peace. One minute I feel I should just let go, and stop contacting him, wait till he contacts me if not just let it be, just wish him the best. Another minute I was thinking if I really care about him, even just be friends on chat, on msn, at least when he response even out of politeness at least I know he has been doing fine, maybe that is the best way to care about him, knowing he is doing fine, and that is something I care about him most, I want to know he is safe and happy. And I wish to stay in his life, even just as a friend. And sometimes I also wish that maybe one day he would feel better and want to meet up again if I just stay as a simple friend. But I feel the air between us still not so clear, to me I feel if we meet up now, I would feel still quite easy and I believe it could still be pleasant. But I feel he is the one worries and feel uneasy… I am not sure he really doesn’t want to even be friends, or he has decided there is no way he wants our relationship to become any boyfriend or girl friend. I don’t know what I should do now… and because of this I can’t settle myself down to focus on my study too that makes me very stressful on the other hand. What would you suggest or advice I should do now? Should I stop getting online when he is there, or should I just force myself to forget about him totally and let go? Should I just keep chatting to him even if he is not the one initiating the chat? Or I shall just continue online but don’t initiate any chat on my part? And if he never, I will just let it be? Or should I write a email ask what he thinks about us? Or?... I have never been so desperate in my life before. I think I love him, but I understand we are not necessary to be that relationship. I want either a simple friendship but just not the situation now.

This one is long, but girls you have to read it!!? When I heard this joke I thought it was so funny!! Do you think it is funny? Worth a star? Advantages Of Being A Woman Why it's better to be a Woman! 1. We got off the Titanic first. 2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers. 3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours. 4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers. 5. We can cry and get off speeding fines. 6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game. 7. Taxis stop for us. 8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance. 9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing. 10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point). 11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay. 12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay. 13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life. 14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower. 15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves. 16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know. 17. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt. 18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it. 19. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there. 20. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute. 21. We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in. 22. We have the ability to dress ourselves. 23. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked. 24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot. 25. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth. 26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems. 27. We'll never regret piercing our ears. 28. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes. 29. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark. 30. We have enough sense to realize that the easiest way to get out of being lost is to ask for directions.

Is this the longest joke in the world? If not, please post it.?

kamal karna roy a leader aspirant to be mr clean gop president elect. competition08 human_gods prefer mcCain? Yahoo!My Yahoo!Mail Make Y! your home pageYahoo! SearchSearch:Welcome, prdas01 [Sign Out, My Account]Answers Home -Forum -Blog -Help Ask Answer Discover Search for questions: Advanced My Profile Home > Politics & Government > Law & Ethics > Open Question Dipa_ Ray_mondal Member since: February 21, 2008 Total points: 3 (Level 1) Add to My Contacts Block User Open QuestionShow me another » Kamal karna roy, the rev dr, leader of weaker people &/or for citizens, viz'we the people' is next pres us 08? 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Scandal In Plain Sight Presidential libraries prompt all sorts of sleazy fundraising practices. - By Ruth Marcus Commentsrobin1231hotmailcom wrote: rbin roy reporting for the rev felollw ms deepamala biswas, an author/ commentator/ editor of Jungle demcracies , cat and mouse doctrines of oppressions on weaker people of democracies including nation named, usa, a leader of democratic nations as claimed by many but idea could be a ninomer in dictionary meaning as society of rule is divided in between have _mush & the have_nots including matter of leadership in usa. 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Bailing Hard and Getting Soaked It is not getting fair value for your tax dollar with its intervention into the housing market. - By David Ignatius Commentsrobin1231hotmailcom wrote: addenda to comment by robin1231@hotmail.com published this day, 7.16. 2008 re court action of rev kamal karna k roy aka joseph geronimo jr, a legal gop contender of u s presidency. see web with search of words in combination et al / otherwis .see federal justia docket with plaintiff "roy" on story of struggle of a commer in USA to go to helm of democratic republic in usa, as the democracy very mush are failing weaker people including the rev dr kamal karna roy, a commoners's president would be in 2008. Yahoo!My Yahoo!Mail Make Y! your home pageYahoo! SearchSearch:Welcome, bowersgina@ymail.... [Sign Out, My Account]Answers Home -Forum -Blog -Help Ask Answer Discover Search for questions: Advanced My Profile Home /> Politics & Government > Other - Politics & Government > Your Open Question Gina B Member since: July 08, 2008 Total points: 0 (Level 1) Your Open QuestionShow me another » The rev dr kamal karna k roy , a hopeful gop for pres moved usdc/ndfl tallah, challenge mcCain,obama us birth? 7.16. 2008 world news those may affect your dreams in politics in us presidential eletoral competition 2008 nov 4. This is G o o g l e's cache of http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?... as retrieved on Jul 8, 2008 15:50:37 GMT. G o o g l e's cache is the snapshot that we took of the page as we crawled the web. The page may have changed since that time. Click here for the current page without highlighting. This cached page may reference images which are no longer available. Click here for the cached text only. To link to or bookmark this page, use the following url: http://www.google.com/search?q=cache:R03... Google is neither affiliated with the authors of this page nor responsible for its content. These search terms have been highlighted: kamal karna roy gop hopeful president rebel nominee us --------------------------------------... Yahoo! My Yahoo! Mail Search the web Sign In New User? Sign Up Answers Home - Forum - Blog - Help Ask Answer Discover Search for questions: Advanced My Profile Home /> Politics & Government > Other - Politics & Government > Open Question Dipa_ Ray_mondal Member since: February 21, 2008 Total points: 0 (Level 1) Add to My Contacts Block User Open QuestionShow me another » Dr kamal karna k roy, a gop leader as mr clean for u s president 2008 ? is current mccain nominee to be good ? 7.7.2008 need to replace john mccain, influence peddling agent, u s senator? This is G o o g l e's cache of http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?... as retrieved on Jul 5, 2008 14:29:26 GMT. G o o g l e's cache is the snapshot that we took of the page as we crawled the web. The page may have changed since that time. Click here for the current page without highlighting. This cached page may reference images which are no longer available. Click here for the 7/16/2008 1:15:09 PM Recommend (0) Report Abuse Discussion Policy charlie13 wrote: Simple question: Why have a presidential library at all, for ANY president. Turn over the archives to the National Archives, and leave it at that. That would save a TON of taxpayer money, and eliminate the potential for "funny business." 7/16/2008 1:09:59 PM Recommend (0) Report Abuse Discussion Policy vigor wrote: this is a man without a conscience or principles. He'll do it and thumb his nose at us. 7/16/2008 1:08:38 PM Recommend (0) Report Abuse Discussion Policy jhherring wrote: I dunno- seems like raising money for the library using unseemly and unethical but perhaps not specifically illegal methods might be an appropriate approach for a monument to this President. There's a sort of symmetry in it, don't you think? 7/16/2008 12:34:37 PM Recommend (2) Report Abuse Discussion Policy Issa1 wrote: jhoward343 wrote: I wonder if they will put a statue of Bush in a flight suit (with helemt under arm) standing in front of a sign that says "Mission Accomplished" in front of the library building. ================================= HMMM.. I have an idea I will bring peanuts from Plains Georgia to feed the Pigeons... Get some use out of the Helmet. Use it as a Bowl. ISA 7/16/2008 12:27:23 PM Recommend (2) Report Abuse Discussion Policy hazmaq wrote: To compare Rich with Akayev shows your silliness and gross misunderstanding of the foreign affairs of this country. Do you have any idea how badly Rice and Bush screwed up US influence in Russia and Central Asia and the result of that?? We lost a key ally on the Pakistani/Afghani front, China has steeped in to form a new alliance with Russia and what little pro-western support we had is gone, all in part thanks to the ousted Akayev. We don't know all the details behind the Rich story- so to assume Clinton's donation is quid pro quo is an unfounded allegation on your part. We do know Bush and his friends have undermined geo-political relations throughout the world, while personally profiting by that de-stabilization. Bill Clinton's library will be in remembrance of a great period in World History. While George Bush's will not only be a blood monument to his destruction and ignorance of that great era, but will apparently be built with the very hands and money that did it. 7/16/2008 12:24:32 PM Recommend (2) Report Abuse Discussion Policy jhoward343 wrote: I wonder if they will put a statue of Bush in a flight suit (with helemt under arm) standing in front of a sign that says "Mission Accomplished" in front of the library building. 7/16/2008 12:23:03 PM Recommend (2) Report Abuse Discussion Policy Issa1 wrote: jhoward343 wrote: It's people like 19481 that put Bush in the White House twice. We need a requirement for voters must pass an IQ test before they can vote. ================================== Funny 19481 would have agreed to that in the mid 20th century against African Americans...which some had too and all passed.. but for 19481 to pass you would have to Bury the bar to give him SOCIAL ADVANTAGE.. You know he is suffering from drinking too much Coolades.. He is now suffering from FoolsAides.. ISA ISA 7/16/2008 12:19:38 PM Recommend (2) Report Abuse Discussion Policy RichardCotton wrote: He may as well end it this way -- it will merely be part of the pile. 7/16/2008 12:15:10 PM Recommend (2) Report Abuse Discussion Policy Issa1 wrote: 19481 wrote: Voting4 Suckers is using and new nam..wonder why? Such a coward. Will not meet me face to face.. ISA 7/16/2008 12:13:44 PM Recommend (2) Report Abuse Discussion Policy mewindows wrote: May I sugges"My Pet Goat?" and "Curious George" as 'essential' reading in the Dubya library - - 7/16/2008 12:10:45 PM Recommend (3) Report Abuse Discussion Policy Issa1 wrote: Hmm Bush Library... Lots of pencil and water color pictures.. Hand printing will have a black streak crossed over it..for National Security!! Looking like something left over from a WW2 POW.. Do not forget the Blurred pictures and photos? Cannot be too safe..! Then of cource the efficiently run Katrina Like file system for recovering documents. Dim lights for saving OIL.. OH yes the Physical Security: A dozen or so heavily armed Blackwater "Militia" making sure nobody writes on Toilet Paper. Oh yes the Interrogation Room .. err I mean Communications Room with strange electronic equipment our of Frankenstein. A Box of W keys the Neocons pulled off all the Keyboards so they could blame Clinton.. ISA 7/16/2008 12:10:18 PM Recommend (3) Report Abuse Discussion Policy mewindows wrote: "Mr. President, take a look at the video. Then decide whether taking checks in secret is really how you want to end your presidency." Are you kidding me ???!!!! This guy has gotten away with murder - lierally !!!!!! 7/16/2008 12:07:40 PM Recommend (3) Report Abuse Discussion Policy jhoward343 wrote: so 19481, you think that Bush and Cheney have done a good job and country is better off than it was 8 years ago? 7/16/2008 11:44:06 AM Recommend (4) Report Abuse Discussion Policy elprimojpvh1 wrote: A Bush library: are they going to stock it with thousands of autographed editions of "My Pet Goat?" 7/16/2008 11:43:43 AM Recommend (4) Report Abuse Discussion Policy sscritic wrote: Don't we all need a library named for us paid for by government grants and personal gifts from those seeking favors? Your friend in Congress, Charles Rangel 7/16/2008 11:37:17 AM Recommend (2) Report Abuse Discussion Policy 19481 wrote: jhoward343 wrote: "Does anyone here want to compare Bush with Clinton? Let's see:" Fallacy: "A Rhodes Scholar vs. a National Gaurd dropout" Fact: A Rhodes drop out/incomplete vs. an MBA from Harvard and a draft dodger vs a jet pilot who served and was honorably discharged despite Dan Rathers hit job. Fallacy: "Prosperous economy vs. a rapidly sinking economy." Fact: Clinton signed the legislation that created the current mortgage and banking collapse, irresponsible policies created the dot.com bust and Newt Gingrich/Republican Congresses Contract with America reformed welfare, investment and the debt reduction. Fallacy: "Stable foreign policy vs. chaos." Fact: Clintons do nothing cowardly captitualist foreign policy created all the problems we're experiencing today, including the war on terror. Fallacy: "Debt reduction vs. debt explosion." Fact: The debt reduction experienced during the Republican Congress was due to the Contract with America and the legislation they passed, despite the efforts of Bill Clinton and the Democrats, while the run up in the national debt during the Bush presidency is due to fighting the war, not socialist giveaways. Fallacy: "Success vs. miserable failure." Fact: Where Bush has stuck up for America, Clinton was convicted of a felony for lying under oath and embarrassed the nation by his repeated infidelities, including in the Oval Office, during working hours while on duty and to the exclusion of attending to his duties. Where Clinton did nothing for eight years to protect the country and dismantled the military, we now have a strong military and can negotiate from a position of strength. The numerous attacks on Americas military bases, embassies and homeland have stopped since Bush responded whereas Clinton, ever the capitualist coward, never did anything about the USS Cole, three embassy attacks, the first bombing in New York or all the other tragedies where American lives where lost. So yea, let's compare. 7/16/2008 11:36:40 AM Recommend (0) Report Abuse Discussion Policy wrstx wrote: How much money does it take to build a library to house ONE BOOK? Title- Dumb Axx. 7/16/2008 11:35:23 AM Recommend (2) Report Abuse Discussion Policy jhoward343 wrote: It's people like 19481 that put Bush in the White House twice. We need a requirement for voters must pass an IQ test before they can vote. 7/16/2008 11:20:21 AM Recommend (3) Report Abuse Discussion Policy ronjeske wrote: Why protect Bush on this one? Teh man is so corrupt in his job performance that keeping track of his library donations might actually make him look no worse than a used car salesman. This is worse than renting out the Lincoln Bedroom. Public officials are supposed to be available to the public whenever possible, not just when you have a few hundred thousand extra dollars lying around to contribute to this or that library or Presidential memorial. And the water carriers who do this stuff should be blasted as hard as the buckhawking politician they are workiing for. 7/16/2008 11:19:58 AM Recommend (2) Report Abuse Discussion Policy 1234Next Page >Last Page >> XReport item as: (required)Obscenity/vulgarityHate speechPersonal attackAdvertising/SpamCopyright/Plagiari... (optional)500 char. limit / left 500ReportYour washingtonpost.com User ID, robin1231hotmailcom, will be displayed with your comment. Add a comment (Limit 5000 characters / 5000 characters remaining) Comments that include profanity or personal attacks or other inappropriate comments or material will be removed from the site. 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Websites © Copyright 1996-2008 The Washington Post Company | User Agreement and Privacy Policy | Rights and Permissions Help | Contact Us X Staff Recommends 12345 4 hours ago - 3 days left to answer. Answer this QuestionReport Abuse 0 stars - mark this as Interesting! Who found this interesting? Be the first person to mark this question as interesting! Email Save Add to private Watchlist Save to My Web Add to My Yahoo! Add to Del.icio.us RSS Answers (1) by wizjp Member since: April 05, 2006 Total points: 179745 (Level 7) Badge Image: Contributing In: Law & Ethics Add to My Contacts Block User More spam...and no one is buying either of you. 4 hours ago 0 Rating: Good Answer 0 Rating: Bad Answer Report Abuse Sorry, you must be Level 2 to rate Open Questions in Law & Ethics job application, is it discriminating to state applicant must be over 5 foot 2 inches? How much does it cost to get your license back after DWI in Arkansas? can minors buy salvia divinorum in washington? 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